My 11 year old told me he is gay

Your a fabulous mother. Understanding and supportive. Half of the parents who have gay children, mine for instance, couldn't nearly never come to the truth. You've already done quite enough. When he turn 13, you could invite him to EC, it is really resourceful here and he could get all the help, advice and support he needs. It's always great to have people to talk to even though you have no idea who they are.

 

Either way, he has a supportive Mum in you which will help him through everything.

 

He's still young and he may not know what he actually is. Don't worry, even if he's gay he's still your son... you're a great mom and you will accept him no matter what he is.

 

Please please don't feel like you aren't a good mother because you are feeling a little depressed about the dreams you had for him having to change. You are not feeling upset that he is gay, just a little sad that your vision you had for him isn't going to happen the way you envisioned it. This is totally normal. Basically, the vision you had for him is dying because you need to alter it now, so you are dealing with normal stages of grief for this. Depression is the first step. You may also feel a little angry at some point that things aren't going to work the way you originally thought, and this is also okay. You aren't sad or angry at him, you accept him and love him, and that's the most important thing. You are respecting his wishes about not telling anyone, making it known that you accept him as he is, and letting him know you will always listen when he has something to tell you. All of that makes you an awesome mom!

 

You've done a great job in being supportive to your son. As others have said, he's eleven so maybe he is gay and maybe he is not, but what's important is that you've ensured that he knows he can talk to you about this kind of thing without any kind of consternation or stress. I think that the most important thing going forward is to just give him some space and let him do his thing, explore his feelings and see what feels right and what does not. Odds are he'll come and talk to you again if he's feeling confused or lost, or if something happens to change his mind about what he thinks. You're doing an admirable job, best of luck to you and your son going forward.

 

You sound like a great mom! And you should be proud of your son for being so brave and being honest with you! There's nothing wrong with being a bit sad because he is gay, as it's a shock to you and your envisioned future for him is gone. But know that you can still have grandchildren, whether adopted or via surrogate, by him, and he can find a loving guy to marry and have a family.

 

JM you are amazing, and so is your son. the fact that he had the confidence to tell you this now when he says he might still be unsure shows how much he loves and trusts you, ive heard of people discovering what sexuality they were at that age or younger but ive never heard of anyone that young coming out in that way.
and as for your depression and concerns that is somthing every parent goes through when their children come out to them. They will lessen as time goes on, although parents will always worry about their children whatever the situation. However your boy sounds like a smart kid with how he has gone about things and how he wants things to go for the time being, so that should give you some comfort and something to be proud of.
He has taken a very big step and you have shown him you will be there for him, thats all he needs right now. congrats JM you are a fantastic mum.

 

You're an amazing mom. I'm proud of you and your son both. I'm proud of you because you have been supportive of him, and proud of your son for not being afraid to tell you. I hope everything works out for you and him!

 

Wow. Well, first, it's great you support your son. Second, he can still get married and have kids, so no worries there. Third, can you adopt all of us who have less-than-supportive parents?

 

Good for you not trying to pressure your son into talking to you! In my opinion, pressuring your son would not be good- it would most likely break down the trust between you that is so valuable. Feel free to come to EC with questions!

 

Okay, I just want to say what an AWESOME mother you are. If only every parent was like you.

I'm glad to see your son has decided to join as well. I'm definitely sure he will find any information he would need here, as I and many others have. Also, if you don't want him seeing this thread as well, I'm sure you could ask the Admins about doing something about it.

Again, you are an awesome mom

 

Hi there my name is nick and i am 14 i have told my friends but not my mom yet but baby steps but back to the point congragulations its very good your son trust you unlike me and my father.

 

Hi, I think it's wonderful your son has the courage to come out at such a young age and has so much trust and faith in you. I always knew I was gay, I kissed my first boy in second grade, but sadly like most gay boys I ended up hiding it and going into the closet. I wish I was like your son and had the courage to come out at a young age.

The best thing to do and continue is to love him for who he is and support him. I agree with others to look for a local PFLAG group in your area. To not only get support for your son but also for you and meet other parents of gay kids. It will also be good for your son to join a group like this where he can meet other gay boys. It will make it a lot easier for him to date and have a boy friend knowing the boy is gay and not risking falling in love with a straight boy which can not only be heart breaking for your son, but can cause other issues too if the straight boy does not take your son's interest in him well. Some boys that age are insecure and not strong like your son. They may not be able to handle your son's interest in them well. Where if he joins a PFLAG group he will know all the other boys there are gay like him and the risk level is significantly reduced for dating.

In terms of him getting married, he can still get married, have kids of his own and a wonderful life that you will always be a part of. Perhaps when he does marry the guy of his dreams you can walk him down the isle? Just something for you to look forward too. Good luck and hope you can keep us posted with you and your sons progress.

 

(responding only to OP) He's a little young to know for sure IMO, but as long as he gets love from you, that's all that matters.

 

This thread is nearly 2 months old at this point, I'm sure Jame's Mommy has gotten the support she needs or will open a new thread in the future if needed.