*This thread is aimed at mtf's since that's what I relate to, but not exclusively so. I have doubts more at certain times than others. And of course, day by day, moment by moment can be different. When I'm out in public and I become aware of how I walk or where I walk (bathroom, women's/men's clothes) I become very cognizant of my dysphoria. Every time I get something new that I carry around with me, I wish I had a purse to put it in. When I become aware of my clothes, I wish I fit them like a woman fits them. My voice and stature, being called handsome/man, my walk/posture. The fact that I'm used to these things and I generally don't mind for the most part makes me feel like I'm not dysphoric enough. It's not always bad, though. Sometimes I feel good about all of this. When I look in the mirror, I have the means to see what I want the way I want. Wearing a sports bra, shaving my face, my long hair, chubbiness in my face, the fact I'm only 5'6", hoodies; all these things help me feel good. Sometimes things can be a mixed bag, though. Makeup helps me feel feminine, but then I feel like a man in makeup (which kinda confirms that I'd rather have a woman's face rather than stop makeup altogether.) I don't let my interests dictate my feelings. I have a real interest in the hardcore music scene and want to be a musician (instrumentalist/vocalist.) I can picture myself still pursuing music, but the idea of still being a vocalist scares me, and that's what I want to do the most. I've read through this list from Dara Hoffman-Fox and feel legit by the end of it. I keep it open in my tabs lately so I can go through it. http://darahoffmanfox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/TheQuestionnaire.pdf All of this said, one questioning I'm really wondering about is whether or not therapy actually helps. Is it more or less just for validation or not, or something else. I've heard voicing these things can be helpful and give true insight, and I haven't really done that at all, except for a few times (once recently with my friend and I felt pretty convicted in the things I was saying about my struggle.) People go to therapy for all kinds of things and say they benefit, though I still wonder mostly from my trans friends.
