Ms Emma's random gender thoughts

Or roller skates? :icon_bigg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZ3fjQa5Hls

 

How do you eat avocados? Like... solo? Oh my, fresh pinapple is amazing!

 

My random gender thought would be that I love to sing, and while I'm not any close to being good enough to perform, it's so much fun! Both liberating and dysphoric. I can sing in a tenor and countertenor ranges, and both sound, well, male (although my voice isn't super manly, which I guess is a good thing for me). And when I do, I always sing some less difficult songs by Against me!, the ones you don't need that screaming voice to perform because I can't replicate that. And since Laura the vocalist has the same "problem" as I do in regards to singing voice vs gender identity... I feel quite empowered pretending I'm as cool as she is . I also like to sing Amanda Palmer songs. She has roughly the same vocal range as I do, and it's nice to have a likeable cis person to admire and to comfort me that at least in some ways my voice will not be a disaster in the future.


So! Singing is fun, and I really love doing it. Sure, I sing mostly male parts, but I'm trying to learn self acceptance through it, too.

 

It can be done, sister! Well... I shouldn't say too much as I've been rudely misunderstood before when I was a little insensitive about this, but...
I kind of have a naturally high voice. It's still male-sounding unless I make a serious effort (and even then it's not perfect yet since I haven't done much rigorous voice training), but I can sing quite high. Many songs with AFAB singers I can sing without countertenoring on good days, and I can 'kick' higher still.
Me, at the moment, in terms of singing, I see this as about equally a gift and a curse. Because I love to be able to sing in male ranges, singing low like if I'm singing Skillet or Ravenscode songs (and lower still if I want to), and easily hitting the higher notes of AMABs (minus power metal singers); and at the same time, I want to keep training and training until I can sing in female ranges without a falsetto, too. Many trans women (and cis men) before me have done it, so why shouldn't I be able to?
That's how I see it... I want to be able to sing both F and M. I've got M for free (though I had to train quite a lot to be able to hit those lower notes), and now I've just got F left, then I'm good to go.
I sing many times a day, every day, singing along to music or just singing by myself. I guess I sing maybe about an hour a day in total on average. And as the months have passed, I've improved a lot.
Singing is awesome! Keep faith! <3

 

Never settle. Be true to yourself.

 

That's absolutely terrible, Emma. (*hug*)

I'm getting the impression a (somewhat flawed) analogy would be, "Same sweet, improved taste and different wrapper." Am I right, or is that just offensive? Because you're still the loving partner you've always been, it's just that your gender has been amended and you're happier for it.

 

My mom and dad said it was like their son just died too... many of us share that same reaction. And in a manner of speaking that is somewhat true.

However Hats' analogy is quite true as well. One thing my friend said to me though is "you didn't change youre still the same person with the same interests and such".

You are you and being true to yourself. That hurts sometimes. One door closes and sometimes others open up.

 

This might be weird but wearing my (male) tank top makes me feel really feminine. I always wear it when no one is around. Heck, I'm wearing it right now. I have no idea why I like it so much.

Also, this forum. Specifically nobody knowing my birth-name, only my preferred name, and having a female avatar and profile pic. And that people here understand me.

 

I've seen your other threads Emma. Hope you're doing okay. Having parents support must make a lot of difference. Sincerely hope things get better <3


I don't really know if some of these things are because I feel more 'masculine' when I do them (the concept of masculine and feminine sort of confuses me) but I do feel just... more myself. Blasting music and working out makes me feel pretty great. I also tend to buy clothes that progressively help me get more guy-ish looking and that helps heaps with confidence. I've started to care more about how I look, whereas before I always felt uncomfortable no matter what. Also cooking for some reason. Maybe because I just like eating food :eusa_doh: but it's sort of distracting just thinking about steps and not thinking about anything else :lol: Idk, throwing away old feminine clothes in wardrobe clean-outs. Studying also just takes my mind off things too. Those are all pretty good

 

Blasting music rules :icon_bigg

And wardrobe clean outs too. I found two pairs of pants to be too small today and I gladly threw them out today. Their cut left much to wish.

Good to hear you're better, Inamae.

-----
Jeez, that moment when you see T and think of one thing Jeez. Emma, you weren't consious, were you?

I don't know what I could write, but I'm hoping everything goes fine, Emma.

 

It's not even about whether you've had the conversation or not, outing you like that is NOT okay! :eusa_naug

 

Yeah, it's quite obvious it's your wife. It's just my mind that became skewed...

 

Ugh. I know a transwoman locally, whose ex-wife constantly plays the victim - bashing her "husband", and acting like she's got the shit end of the stick because she feels "lied to" and whatnot. I just don't get how someone can be so cold to someone they once loved. Especially when the poor girl trusted her enough to come out in the open.

I really hope things settle down for you soon. It wasn't right that she outed you like that.

 

Hahaha, I love your humor Emma :lol: Jeez, it'd be hard to have after going through all that.

...And thanks Emerry. It's probably because of the help from you guys on EC that I feel so much better, actually. I'm passing a fair bit more too. Even today without binding or putting in an effort I got called a "gentleman". Which was totally unexpected but... :icon_bigg Also haven't felt too physically dysphoric since that giant bit of anxiety. Eh, but it will probably be back again at some point. But for now yeah, a lot better :icon_wink

 

(&&&)

Just want to give everyone a digital hug.