Right, so I'm 16, cis female and currently questioning my sexuality but more on the level of "Am I totally gay or just mostly?" than "Am I not straight?". Part of the reason for that is this girl I met online early this year, who 's two years older, gorgeous, cold according to her acquaintances, and who I fell for, hard. Both she and I considered ourselves bi/curious then, and both of us have gone through transformations since then. After this weird sort-of dating thing (we lived waaaay too far apart for it to be serious, but we tried anyway) we didn't talk for a few months, because of homophobic parents. When we started again, I realized I still hadn't gotten over her, but she said we were just friends. After two weeks of accepting that, she got upset and told me I was confusing her by saying I was still flirting with her (unwittingly on my part) even though I did my best to say we were just friends, as she had. After I apologized, she started flirting right back (and like way stronger) without mentioning any official change in how she saw me. One week later, she starts talking about this other person she's met online that she thinks is hot (another girl) and all bets are off again. And then when I start talking about some boy, assuming that's fine, she gets upset about that in a very passive aggressive way - "oh, I bet he replaced me while I was gone on vacation, huh?" etc. - and then when I try to ask her about it the next day she says she had absolutely no reason to ask except out of curiosity, and denied being jealous. Which frustrated me, and we ended up kind of getting into a fight where I said some things I now regret... It ended, and we're on tentative good terms again, but I feel like we left some things unfinished, and now she's talking about some guy she's going to see, I guess to make sure she's really gay. Point is, I can tell she cares about me, hence why I hurt her with my careless words, but it's like she's doing this on purpose, constantly making me think maybe she's jealous or something, but when I try to ask and fix things she just denies it all? And it's even worse because a) she was definitely happy with me at the beginning of the year, b) she knows I still like her...a lot, c) both of us know there's no way that I could alleviate that crush anyway, regardless of her feelings, because there's no way we can see each other in person. Anyhow the teenage romantic in me says she still cares, maybe even reciprocates, and she's just refusing to tell me because - I don't know, people are weird, maybe she thinks it'll be easier on me if I think it couldn't have worked anyway because she doesn't like me like that? On the other hand, the rationalist in me is pretty sure she doesn't think anything like that and she's either playing with me on purpose (in which case, ouch) or she's honestly unaware of the effects she has on me. Honestly I could care less which it is - if I only knew, but she refuses to tell me anything (which is probably why people say she's cold, though then they must not see the kindness in her...). Thoughts? I've literally never felt this strongly about anyone before and I don't wanna mess it up...
It seems more like your asking for relationship advice than orientation advice. It sounds to me like it might be time to move on. The way this girl is treating you, knowing that you are really into her, seems rather unkind. And also, because you said you live too far away for this to work. If you move on, perhaps you can meet someone in real life, and that will be more satisfying and productive for your personal growth. Good luck!
oh crap wrong forum. >.< this definitely belongs in the relationship advice forum, I thought I'd posted there...ah, this is what comes of writing at five am after a day of parents yelling at you.../sighs and facepalms/ any easy way to move this?? Well the thing is...I still want to be her friend, even regardless of how we like each other, because she's just really funny and sweet and keeps me going at the end of a crappy day, plus she's been through some of the same things I have (beyond just discovering sexuality), and I feel like she gets me in that sense. Plus we've both risked a lot to even keep talking to each other, and I don't want to let go of that after all that's happened...after all it's ultimately my parents' fault we can't see each other, and I feel like letting go would be admitting defeat to them. But most importantly, I care about her, even just as a friend. Would it be okay to stay friends as long as she seems done with the mind games??
Eh, it happens. I don't know, perhaps contact one of the administrators? Yeah, I can see where you're coming from there. I think it's great that you two are standing up for yourselves. :eusa_clap That said, do you think she's really done with the mind games? Perhaps another approach would be to take a break for a little while (say 2-6 weeks), to let things settle and maybe give yourself some time to get over her romantically, and THEN start talking to her again as a friend. That way, you can safeguard your feelings, but you still don't let your parents win. (I bring this up because I often find that I'm so sensitive right after a breakup that it's not possible to be friends without feeling hurt (no matter how stoic I try to be), and so I need some time without contact before being friends again) Good luck!
