So I picked up a Groupon to a local cosmetology school last week, just for a wash and style, and I went yesterday to use it. It turned out to be the female oriented place I was hoping it would be. All the student stylists were women. And like the title says, I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. Not the end result, I mean. (I look great!) And not it being all women. Let me explain a little. I was pegged as a male the moment I walked in the door, which is fine as I'm not openly out yet to anyone other than my sister. Groupon apparently lowered the price without telling this company, so I had to wait half an hour while they figured out if I could even use it, and during that time I got to observe the students. Not in a creepy way. Just, looking for mannerisms and things like that. And they were so comfortable together. Playful banter, laughing, cutting up... I wonder if I'll ever have that kind of confidence, you know? Even just to own who I am. Had I gone in and said my name was Grace or Taylor or any of the other ones I've been kicking around they probably would have accepted it. I mean, as I was waiting the receptionist took a call from a guy who lost a bet with some female coworkers and had to get a full-on makeover (updo, makeup, everything), and they explained all the pricing and made the appointment without any kind of judgementalism at all. As I sat in the chair waiting for them to fill out paperwork and get started I couldn't help but notice how masculine I looked. My long hair had these beachy waves to it, which is ironic because a year ago before I had accepted being trans this was exactly the look I was going for. I got it blown out straight, and with new earrings in...I felt like me again. What's also ironic is that I hate having straight hair all the time. I got it permed because I love my curls. And yet I see more of who I am when it's blown out straight for some reason. Maybe I'm overthinking this. I don't know.
