So, I've been dating this girl for about 3 months and well, she's already told me she loves me. I did not say it back because I don't feel the same way...yet. The messed up part about it is that I don't think I'll ever feel the same way about her that she does about me. I'm not sure if I'm having some type of mental block, but I don't get emotionally attached to people. It's almost like I'm lacking the ability to fall in love with another person. Hence, the title; perhaps, I'm trying too hard, and I feel so bad because I don't want to break her heart. It's been more than enough time for me to know if I'll develop those type of feelings for her. I care about her a lot, but I could never see myself in a relationship with her. She's in a tight situation at the moment with trying to get her life together. And she surely doesn't need anything else bringing her down. I should also mention that I have a savior complex. It's pretty terrible actually and it puts me in a lot of uncomfortable situations. I think that's the only reason why I'm still dating her because I want to help her. Ugh! I'm not sure how to tell her how I feel without hurting her. But, that thing that's missing is vital for any successful relationship. Any suggestions/advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks
I get where you're coming from with this. I used to have this problem where I would date women and they would fall "in love" with me, but I wouldn't feel as strongly as they did. Years ago, I would go along with it, sometimes even say it back even though I didn't really feel that way about them, just because I didn't want to hurt them. The important things to consider here are 1) do you care about her at all? and 2) are both of you happy together? Obviously, you care about her to some degree, or you wouldn't be with her. People put too much importance and stress on the whole "one true love" thing. You care about her, and you want to make her happy. If that isn't enough for her, then there's really nothing you can do because that's all you have to give. Relationships are never perfect, and you don't always have to fall in love with the people you date, contrary to popular belief. What is important is that the two of you enjoy each others company, there's some level of spark or emotional connection that's somehow deeper (even if just by a small margin) than with other friends. It is also important that you help each other grow as individuals. Personal growth is extremely important to any relationship. I would suggest that you talk to her about it, and tell her that you're not sure if you love her or not. Express that you do care for her, but you're not sure yet just how deep those feelings go, and ask that she be patient with you as you are with her (I assume). Let her know what you're thinking, calmly and rationally. But if you aren't happy in the relationship, you should also let her know that. If its an issue that can be fixed, and you're both willing to work at it, hopefully you can find a solution.
I can relate... I've never been in love, not for the lack of trying, it just never happens for me. As you said, it's like not being able to get emotionally attached to someone, as if your subcontious blocks that part of you. And yet the thing I desperately want more than anything in the world is to fall in love... I think maybe my subconscious is trying to protect me from getting hurt or suffer disappointment, no idea how to override it. Also terribly scared of hurting or disappointing someone... Anyway, just wanted to say you are not alone.
The bold line: i think it is better to say nothing than to say I am not sure if I love you. I would be looking for a new girl the next day if I heard that. What would come to mind is we have been dating three months and i said i love you and you don't know. Why are we seeing each other. I would say nothing continue the relationship for a while longer and if she keeps telling you she loves you than you have to delve into it more deeply.
It seems like it would create tension if she says "I love you" and you say nothing back. That uncertainty of what's going on in your head would create doubt where there doesn't necessarily need to be. Love is nearly an impossible term to define because everyone views it differently. But there is one big thing that most people agree on, which is that loving someone and being IN love with them are different things. There's an unspecified level of committment in the second that varies from person to person. I'm a weird one though. 3 months isn't very much time to me, and I never go into a relationship expecting "forever" or even "I love you". I don't need anything deeper than that my partner and I care for each other and enjoy each others company.
