I have no one else to talk to about this side of me and I'm pretty much getting tired of talking about the same guy but here I go again. A few weeks ago I agreed to watch my crush's house while he was at work so he could receive an appliance delivery. He asked if I wanted to spend the night so I wouldn't miss the delivery because they never confirmed a timeframe and also he wanted me to help him wake up because his company was pretty much forcing overtime that week. He works two jobs and couldnt stay late to make up the time so he had to go in a few hours early. So we hung out, watched some TV before he went to bed and I slept on the couch. His alarm actually woke me up so I knocked on his door to wake him up. At first he just shut it off and when I called his name he told me to come in. Now I couldn't see everything but he was either completely naked or in just his undies with a blanket covering only his good parts and I got a good glimpse of his body. I tried to play it cool but underneath I couldn't take it. I told him what time it was and tried to convince him to get up but in typical fashion he joked that he was already "up" after seeing me. We talked for a min then he asked for 10 more minutes. After saying that he chuckled and said "you and I can do a lot in 10 minutes." I was fighting back a boner like you wouldn't believe. We kind of joked like that for a minute or two until I realized I couldn't hide my "excitement." I set another alarm ten minutes out and warned him if he didn't get up the next time, that I was gonna jump into the bed with him. He just laughed, mumbled OK then rolled back over. We went back and forth like that for close to an hour; his alarm would go off, I'd go wake him up and we'd joke about me getting in bed with him or some innuendo and I catch a good glimpse of that bare body of his. Before the last snooze I told him I was really going to climb in bed with him the next time. He just said do it. When the alarm went off the last time tho, I admit I got nervous so I just knocked on the door. He grumbled that he was getting up but joked that he was disappointed that I didn't come jump in the bed with him like I said I would. He got dressed for work while I kicked myself for not actually doing it. In hindsight I don't think he wouldve gotten upset, if anything he wouldve thought it was funny but I couldn't get past my own fear of rejection to take a chance. Now if that wasn't enough that same night he called me on his way home to see if I wanted to grab dinner with him and he asked me to stay another night to help wake him up for more overtime the next day. He actually picked me up and paid for dinner too. We played the same game the next morning just not for as long. Up to that point most of our "gay" interactions were not this... intimate. Also most of them involved alcohol. We hang out just the two of us quite a bit and we joke about gay sex a fair amount but theres something about him being nearly naked and us being alone in his bedroom that made it less of a joke. I'm pretty much no longer racking my brain trying to figure out what his sexuality is, as much as he and I are alike I'm pretty sure being bi is just another thing that makes us similar but I realized that I wouldn't even know what I would do if given a real opportunity to be with him. It wasn't until way after did it even dawn on me that this may have really been his way of putting himself out there to me and I unwittingly rejected him. I'm afraid to put myself out I'm still trying to find a way to have a conversation with him about how serious he is when he gay jokes with me, I don't want or intend to out myself to him, especially if it might affect our friendship and I don't want to call him out. Also I don't think I can do it completely sober when/if we do talk about it. I don't think I need to be drunk, I just know I'm more loose after a few drinks. I really effing like him and each time we hang out I fall just a little deeper. I feel like I'm weird for feeling this way but I feel like I'm more afraid of finding out that he does like me than never knowing.
That's a tough spot to be in. How ever you decided to approach it...make sure you DO approach it! You don't want to live with regrets of never knowing. If it were me...I'd just try to hang out with him more and more, alone. Whether drinking or sober...make those alone times happen. Get over your fear next time and take a small step forward. Don't have to drop drawers and slap him in the face with your meat but actually jump in the bed with him. Hell, he may have had to get over his own fears to even "play"/joke around with you like he did. Don't wait too lon tho...he may get the impression you aren't interested and clam up. Keep us updated...would love to hear how this goes. Hope this helps! ---------- Post added 2nd Nov 2016 at 06:39 AM ---------- Ok...I apologize brutha...I just read your other posts. Man oh man lol I can def see your predicament. I would just be careful. I've had a friend in the past who I fell for. He was "straight" and engaged but we'd mess around after partying together. I had humongous feelings for him but to him it was just some fun between buds. I actually think it was like a break for him from his fiancé. he was a lot like how you make your friend sound. He had no prob hugging or even holding onto me in public, grabbing crotches, or even crossing streams or sharing urinals. Not sure man, I'd love to be able to tell you your bud will sweep you off your feet but I'd really hate to see you hurt. Now, me and my bud are still friends to this day. They're married with kids and we haven't done anything in years. It took me a long time to get over those feelings but at least I still have his friendship.
I agree with Deputy Gay's response. I too had a straight friend whom worked for the same company as myself. He would flirt with me a lot while we were by ourselves or if I went into the men's room and he would see me...he would follow me in there and would grab me or rub himself up against me in order for me to feel him being aroused. I did not mind the flirting so to speak because it was very apparent that he was being very turned on with my flirting as well. The thing that really made me cautious of taking him up on his offer was the fact that he was engaged to be married and that prevented me for moving forward with him. One night...he called me at home and he went on to tell me how great I was looking at work earlier that day and how he was lying in bed naked with a hard on and wanted me to come over and have sex with him. He went on and on and I although somewhat flattered...my instincts forewarned me not to especially when I found out that he was getting married that following weekend. To say the least...since I did not oblige his sexual advances...he stopped speaking and hanging out with me altogether. Initially, I was disappointed because those individuals at the company who knew of us were aware that he and I were good friends because they would see us together all the time. However, I am glad that I stood firm in my decision to this day.
It does help Deputy Gay, I'm not out and I have no friends to talk to or get advice from. Actually me and another one of my friends would do gayish things all the time, but I never had feelings for him at all. We've seen each other's junk a few times, we held hands a lot in public, we used to dance on each other all the time, hell we even kissed at one point (his gf actually talked us into kissing) in front of a huge group of people but even after all that it feels different from the things crush and I have done. Lol wish I could just drop trou and say come and get it.
Things just don't feel the same anymore guys. I see him at work here and there and he barely talks to me anymore. I've tried a couple times to hang out with him but nothing. He doesn't even text me like usual. I don't know what to do. I really think I have missed my golden opportunity. I think I have to give up any hope that I'll get another chance with him and settle with just being his friend, if that's even a possibility. That scares me the most.
In my opinion...you have done all that you could possibly do in order to reconnect or repair the friendship and all you are getting from his end is a lot of remorse and avoidance. Therefore, unfortunately...you will just have to move on and move forward. Don't keep putting yourself in the position to be a door mat. As I had mentioned to you in my response about the straight friend I had at work and what I didn't mentioned is that I was part of his wedding party and when I declined his sexual advances...I was uninvited to the wedding and kicked out of the wedding party. Like you...I tried to be the bigger man and attempted to repair our friendship but his behavior was very similar to what you are experiencing with your friend. At the end of the day...I tend to believe that once you have put forth your best efforts to repair a friendship and get nothing in return for showing how much the friendship means to you...then your heart and mind is guilt free due to putting forth those efforts genuinely which in time you will not be bothered about it anymore. I also tend to believe that when a friendship ends on the basis such as yours then in the long run..there is a reason for it which always turns out to be something good to your benefit. Take care...JS
I'm not looking to end the friendship, not by a long shot. I'm just afraid to get hurt or string myself along. He really is my best friend and I know for a fact that he cares for me a lot. I'm just not sure if it's just as a friend or if it's a little more, that's where my confusion lies. We've had multiple conversations, both sober and under the influence, about how much we care for each other and how we'd do just about anything for each other. We've even said "I love you" to one another on a few occasions and he's almost always been the one to initiate it. He's done a lot of things that prove to me that he'll be in my life for a while and I can't tell if the "friendly" things he does for me are just as a friend or if his feelings are deeper. It sucks because he's a great and caring guy in general but when comparing his friendship with his other buds, our friendship is different.
