I'll (try) to keep the rant short. So today, I went on my mom's Facebook that she hardly uses and liked some things that I thought that she would agree with. (she doesn't care if I go on her account.) I got a call from her several minutes ago, and in a weird, calm voice she said "(sister's name) said she saw that you had my account 'like' a "lesbian thing"." Confused, I checked her likes and found a "LGBT Rights" page liked. My mom always said she was pro-gay marriage, so I asked her if the LGBT rights page was what she was talking about. She said yes, and I felt my heart sink. I asked her what was wrong with liking that page, and she said that her profile was public, and "didn't want anyone to see she had that there". She said that my brother was deleting her account, and to never go on it again. I'm...shocked, to say the least. If she is ashamed of having that on her page, what is she going to think of having a lesbian daughter? I already have felt ashamed to like girls, but this has just made it so much worse. Should I ever come out? :icon_sad:
Highschool was the first time I talked to my mom about homosexuality because I had a close lesbian friend. The topic came up and her reaction was chagrin that it is talked about at all these days. Her attitude was, "It's not polite conversation" and "You don't talk about things like that". I didn't take that sitting down. I was upset that people ignore and sweep non-straight people under the rug and that my friends were being treated badly and society couldn't even discuss it before recent years. I began dispelling some of those myths like "homosexuality is a choice", "the bible says it's wrong", "gay people are bad people", etc. This happened over the course of many separate conversations. She was never glad about it, I know it made her uncomfortable. But she listened and I respectfully argued my case against society's treatment of LGBTO. After four or five years of this, her attitude is now firmly comfortable with the idea that being gay is just another way to be. It has become a non issue. I don't think she would bring it up in convo on her own or rally for gay rights in the streets but her change of stance gives me hope. I know part of this may be that she suspects someday I will come out to her as homosexual. If her love and acceptance of me is what challenges her previously held notions about others then good. Whatever reason is fine. I dont know the case with your mom but do your reading and be prepared to discuss this stuff with her, whether you decide to come out soon or not. A lot of our parents generation has been terribly misinformed their entire lives and are ignorant to what suffering comes from 'not talking about these kinds of things'. You might start by asking her who she is afraid will see that like and why.
Thanks for the response, wandering i. I have discussed homosexuality/lgbtq rights with her before, and she said that she "thinks" being gay isn't a choice and is accepting of gay marriage, which is why I was surprised she acted this way. I bring up the topic sometimes because my dad is getting increasingly homophobic as he gets older. I'll try talking to her again, though. I want to find out what exactly makes her suddenly uncomfortable with the topic.
There's a difference between liking something innocuous and liking something controversial. And, for people of your mom's generation, LGBT issues are still controversial, so liking them is making a pretty strong political statement. So saying "I don't have a problem with gay marriage" and "liking" an LGBT group on Facebook, which is public to everyone... are completely different. I can understand why she was upset. I don't think it means you can't come out to her (and, in a way, you may have already tipped your hand by doing that.) It just wasn't the wisest idea.
Thank you for the response, Chip. I absolutely agree with you. I should have thought it through before liking the page, and I understand now why my mom reacted the way she did. I thought about un-liking the page before she called, and just thought "nah, no big deal", but when I think about it...definitely not the wisest idea. :lol:
Some people are more private about certain things (i.e. some people won't allow the candidate they will vote for to put a sign on their lawn during elections, doesn't mean they won't vote for them or agree with their ideas, just nobody's business). There may be many reasons why she may not want to "like" that group on FB (for example is her job associated with an organisation/group that may find it controversial, maybe it's her church group that's not quite so progressive, whatever) - it doesn't necessarily mean she is homophobic. Regardless of the page you "liked", speaking on someone else's behalf on FB is really not cool at all.
Hi awesomeyodais, thanks for your response. I agree with you. The more I think about it, the more I feel stupid for liking the page. I didn't think about it at the time. I'm the kind of person who can sometimes do things without thinking about it first, but I do realize my mistake now. I made this thread minutes after my mom called me, so I was still upset, but I feel silly now for making this, now that I've had time to cool down and think about what I did.
