So I met a guy who is really hot. We had a nice conversation and he asked me to hang out. Then he got physical. Hand on shoulders and pulled me in close to him. Soon I was hard and then... well we ended up having sex (no anal), and it was my first time. Felt amazing, 0 complaints although best part was actually the cuddling tbh. Did basically the same again the next weekend but I stayed over that time and slept (like unconciousness) with him in his bed. And he seems to at least like me in bed because he wants to keep doing what we are doing but I'm kinda worried my feelings are growing faster than his. And he is 30+ while I am 18. (Although he looks young, at first I thought he was in his 20s). Anyways idk, it is just moving fast and I like him a lot but I'm worried I'll catch feelings and then he will suddenly not want to spend time with me anymore. And worse my parents and family would probably freak out because I have been sleeping w/ an older guy whom they have never met (they don't like me being gay anyways and are pretty passively homophobic although never directly mean to me because of it). Anyways he is on vacation right now and I honestly am beyond excited and nervous for his return. Miss him a bit more than I think I should. Kind of more a rant than a question, but feel free to respond or ask questions.
I'd suggest you hold your horses, the proverbial castles in the clouds and everything for a few minutes. There are a few things I personally think you should re-think and then decide: 1. What are you looking for? A hookup/Friends-With-Benefits kind of a relationship? Or are you looking for an emotional connect beyond that? You need to be clear about that to yourself before you ask him the same. It is improtant both of you are on the same page about this, to avoid any confusions or heartbreak later on. 2. Not everyone are cut out for relationships. Decide if you want the guy who messages you on a daily/semi-daily basis, who you chat with and talk to as well, apart from the occasional cuddles. If you're going to want to invest time in your life on him, you need to be sure. Also because you say you don't have a supportive environment at home, do you think you'll be leaning on him for that support, love and affection you think you're not going to get at home? 3. Since there is an age gap, as you mentioned, there could be a difference in thoughts as well. He could be old-school, because of the generation gap. So I'd encourage you to talk about intentions and where you see this going as well. As a person in his 30s, he could be settled and comfortable where he is. On the other hand, as an 18 year old, you have a while before you're settled and on a path where you're comfortable both financially and otherwise (College, job, home, and so on). So if he is ok dealing with the ambiguity and the confusion that might follow in the future? I'd suggest you think about all of this and then plan to sit down with him and discuss. My apologies, if something I said were hurtful or direct. But they needed to be said. Good luck! I wish you all the happiness.
