Married for 15 years, 2 kids, just living the motions. Long Story

Thanks Zoe, havnt spoke yet meeting on Sunday, but I did reach out. LOL I don't kno what Im saying from one minute to the next.

 

Well another step. My BF told me today once everything is settled there and I am settled here he will move here because my kids are younger and his 1 is living n his own and his other child is in university. That takes a load of stress off me. He is in the finalization of his settlement from wife, she is not taking things well and screaming to the heaven towards anyone that will listen including their kids. We have tried everything even having her mom contact her. We will have to see what happens.

Now for my path. Well like I said I need to find a place to stay after I come out I know that but I also need to make sure I will be able to live financialy and securely. I've done some research and made some calls. Since my wife makes less than 5000 dollars a year less that me my monthly payments to her will be minimum, but that could change I guess. I have chatted to a divorce lwyer and asked if I could lose the kids, I was told flat out NO. That wont happen. And since the love of my life agreed to move here it is starting to make me think things will be fine. I also without my wife knowing had an appraisal done on our home, so I can figure out the finances if we decide to sell. We live in a big home that both of out salaries is needed to pay and live comfortably. We will walk away with a nice bit of cash each. Hopefully that will ease the pain and help things alone. This all may sound very selfish and sneaky on my part, but I am only tryng to get things in order and assure all are taking care of.

 

Well everything blew up, BF gone we decided to split, he is almost finished with his separation agreement and he told me yesterday that he doesn't know if he can wait until I am finished, he needs to get continue with his life and not sit on the couch and wait for something to happen. I couldn't keep him waiting, I love him so much I let him go. Im crushed but who knows what the future holds.

Last night my wife and I spoke for 3 hours I didn't come out but I did tell her my true feeling that I am confused, not happy and I need to start living my life, she said she knows something is wrong and I have been distant for 4 or more years. I told her I felt guilty everyday coming home from work and looking at her and the kids faces, because I know I was making them sad by being depressed and sad myself. I also told her I have to let the guilt go. We spoke about splitting up and I said I would get an apartment sell our big home and I will help her find a smaller place for her and the kids and I would love within 15 minutes away. She cried I cried, at the end of the conversation she said she didn't want us to split, I couldn't say t , it was on my tongue but I couldn't.

Today was quite until about 2 hours ago she came to me crying and put her head on my chest and told me she was scared, I cried again with her. I told her we need to face the reality this is not what we both need to be happy. She said I think we need time, I know if I don't come clean soon she will break and freak out.

This pathway is full of ups and downs, but I think I started the conversation and I will finish it soon I hope.

God Help Me. As for the other fella I need to push him from m y mind and get my home life figured out, once I get happy myself then I can make others happy.

Good Luck to all

 

Zoe:

I know you are right and I have to soon. Im happy you are finally rid of your secret and your husband is kind of understanding. Zoe not sure what my next step will be. But I know I can't stay in this state of depression and unhappiness, no matter who it hurts. Selfish? I don't think so, I think people in my life will want me alive and happy rather than alive and dead inside.

I will keep you posted, we never met but your advise and words mean a lot I truly appreciate them.

Take Care and GoodLuck to you.

---------- Post added 2nd Jun 2013 at 02:14 PM ----------

I am very scared and trying to build the courage to tell her, I read DRs letter to his wife , I decided to write on my self with some if his thoughts it explains my thoughts exactly. Please read and comment...

I'm trying to put words to my feelings that I am not strong enough to share with you in person. I wish that I didn’t have to say this in a letter, but I know that I will never have the courage to start this conversation face to face. But, know that everything that I am about to say comes directly from my heart. I started to tell you many times, I wasnt fully sure what was wrong with me, but I do now. I hope you don't react angrly while the kids are here, please leave that for when we are alone, I don't want our beautiful children to see us fight and especially see the hatred that you must feel right now.

I AM GAY.

I can't apologize for that, it is what I am. I finally realized in the past couple of weeks that I am and gather the courage to come out to you or anyone else? The hardest thing that I’ve ever done. (No, I’m not out yet to anyone else; and while I know that you will need someone to talk to, please choose carefully. I don’t want the kids to be hurt more than they will be, This is my story to tell them and I want to be honest with them also.)

I am not ashamed of the fact that I am gay. For years I prayed for my feelings to change, but they only became clearer. I hoped that the feelings that I had for you and the relationship that we built would carry us through, but we are not happy neither of us are and now I know why.

I HAVE NOT BEEN UNFAITHFUL.

I am ashamed of the fact that my being gay has caused and will continue to cause you emotional pain. I’m ashamed of the fact that it’s taken me this long for me to be able to admit to myself or you that I am gay. I’m ashamed for many things that I’ve done, promises that I’ve broken, lies that I’ve told… But I am no longer ashamed that I am gay.

Please know that this is not a passing idea or a “phase” that I’m going through, or any sort of mid-life crisis. I am gay; and unfortunately, my feelings for you can’t erase that.

I don’t know where to go from here. I feel like I am standing in the middle of a dark forest; I’ve come too far to turn back (not that I could even if I wanted to.) I could continue down the path that I’m on; but I cannot continue to live a lie. So I’m choosing to carve a new path. One of honesty and truth. One that will hopefully, eventually, lead to happiness for us both.

I’m sure that you are hurt. I can’t begin to imagine the pain that I have caused you. I’m sure that you’re angry. I’m sure that you are feeling a wide range of emotions right now, most of them negative. I suspect that you’ve known for some time, even though I wasn’t able to admit it. I hope that you feel some optimism for better and brighter days to come when we emerge from living under this cloud. I hope that you can feel some forgiveness.

I can’t say that I’m looking forward to the conversation that needs to happen now that I have come out to you. There’s hundreds of scenarios going through my head right now; most of them are not pleasant. But I’m ready, we both need to be happy and we both need to be strong and respectful as much as we can in the presence of our kids to ensure they get through this as easily as possible.

My heart is broken in a million pieces as I know yours is, but this is the right thing, you had to know and we both need to move forward towards a happy future what ever that may be for us.

I Love you and I wish this wasn't true but it is. I can't continue to hide or feel the guilt I have been feeling it is killing me and it is hurting you.



Now to get the courage to give it to her in person... and wait for the explosion.

 

Thank Art... your are right, I will not ay anything, I don't want to hurt her anymore than I need to.

Just getting the nerve to give it to her, We have a 50th anniversary party on Saturday night, I bet I get druk and tell her then. Jesus I hope not!!!

 

I feel like I am losing my mind. Only two thoughts in my head. 1 tell my wife 2 My ex bf. I started to think that maybe I am starting this journey to keep him, I realize that's not what I should do not for him. I have to try and not thin of him buts it hard. I need to summon the courage and tell my wife. I just can't build the courage.
How long can I continue like this. Why is everything happening at once, now I feel like a whiney bitch. I;m so confused and angry at the world.

 

Thanks GreatWhale. Just need to do it. Easier said than done. I feel totally lost.

 

That's great advice for sure, never heard that before. I started to look for some kind of support group here in my home town, but nothing is available. I need to talk to someone for sure.

Thanks Again

 

Thanks guys appreciate all ur advice. Goidluck to all