Living with HIV for 25+ years has been a challenge, mostly a health challenge but it's also had a huge impact on my social life. At this point, I only know one other person in real life who's LGBTQI+ and he's over 90. But I get my circumstances are pretty unique: I'm pretty introverted though I do know most of my neighbors 'socially', I'm just not out to any of them. I have just found it much harder to connect with people as I age. Thus why I'm looking around in Empty Closets.
pozboro.....Hello and just in case no one else has said it...a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I think you have already seen that you can ask questions in any of the Sub-forums by creating a new thread or by joining in a conversation-thread that is already going. You can also post a message on anyone's Profile Page. If you have a question that is somewhat private you can always send a Private Message to any Staff Member. Normally Private Messages can only be exchanged between two Full Members, but a PM to a Staff Member is an exception. We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets! .....David
Hi there and welcome to the community! It's great you have decided to join and share part of your story. I smiled towards the end of your post as I remembered that around the time I came out, 12 or so years ago, I joined a gay men coffee/social group and most who were attending were in their 50s and 60s. In some ways I had the opposite happening, where I had a hard time connecting with gay guys in their 30s. Hopefully you'll find that being part of EC can help with feeling more connected to the LGBTQ+ community - even if it's virtually.
Thanks for creating this thread and highlighting a few issues of importance. I guess the first thing is to acknowledge that people can now live a long and relatively healthy life for many years after a HIV diagnosis. Of course, no reasonable person would wish to live with HIV, but with effective treatment and the right attitude life does go on. Having said that, you also highlight how it's impacted your social life and led to a kind of disconnect with the wider LGBT+ community. I don't know if you are willing to, but I wonder if you can say more about it? Would you say you have become more introverted as a result of living with HIV and does stigmatisation play any part in it? Even in these supposedly more enlightened days, I know a lot of gay/bi men with HIV still come up against stigma and stupidity and I can only imagine how it affects confidence.
I'm really thrilled for all the folks who are able to live relatively 'normal' lives with HIV. I first tested positive in 1995, and since the drug regimens were still quite new back then, I waited five years to start drug therapy. My first regimen was an absolute nightmare and my healthcare plan refused to change (so I finally changed healthcare plans). While dealing with the disease, I tried to work but in 2002-03 I just couldn't manage and applied for disability but was denied. After that I looked for housing assistance. The only thing offered required a move which effectively cut me off from all but one member of my circle of friends. Can't tell you how hard it is to meet people and make new friends when one is ill, caught up in the prescription "opiates epidemic", has no income, and finds oneself in largely new surroundings. But I still tried. At that point, Craigslist was the main "tool" people used to make friends (and hookup) - yes, stigma was a very real problem - and a number of gay men told me they didn't want to be friends with someone with HIV. Hard to say what was really going on, but some people say they are looking for friends when they really want to fall in love. Ah, honesty and the Internet ... In 2009 I told my then doctor that I wanted off the opiates - a huge step since I'm still dealing with chronic pain. It took quite a while to slowly titrate off and that eased the symptoms of withdrawal but didn't free me from them, but once off I started trying to work again and get out and meet people. We had a monthly social group for people with HIV for a number of years and that provided a much needed social outlet, but the vast majority of attendees came from outside the county. One month I went and no one was there. I ran into one of the guys group at the clinic and he said it had been cancelled. Thus ended my only social outlet with gay and HIV+ people. The group still has activities in the city, but it's something like 1.5 hours each way on transit which leaves little energy for socializing. So that's pretty much the backstory. In answer to the question about becoming more introverted, well that's a hard one. I will say that the opiates really messed with my head while I was on them and confidence took a huge hit. After working past that, I did do some things in the community where I was friendly with folks but never seemed to make any new friends. And frankly, I was trying to get back to working some and found I just don't have enough energy for that, taking care of myself, and getting out socially. But I've also found that I just feel very disconnected from the people around me, our lives, our experiences, are so different that it's hard to find connections. It's hard to describe, but spending time with most people I know feels different - on the inside - than I remember it feeling pre health problems. I've lived overseas for a number of years and feel just as "foreign" now as I did back then even though we share a language and customs. It's just an odd feeling.
@pozboro — I just read your backstory post. You sound like a great guy to me! Your attitude and resilience are remarkable.
Thank you for sharing your story! I feel you have a lot to offer the community as a whole! My hope is you will build friendships here that will help you to meet more people in real life situations. In the short time I have been here I have already garnered so much support and my self esteem has risen tremendously! It's a good place to be
