Man or Transmasculine/demiboy

I had to get over a lot of internalized homophobia when I was coming to terms with my sexuality (a general feeling of, "it's okay for other people to be gay, but not me"). What helped me was to find role models. If there were people I admired who could be openly and proudly gay, then it must be alright for me to do too. Try to find trans people you can look up to, whether they are people you know in real life or people online (e.g. there are lots of trans guys on youtube who are very open about their experiences).

 

It's totally possible to be influenced by transphobia! I'd say most people are. I'm in a very accepting family, who have all accepted me being trans without batting an eye, but even still, all my life I was influenced by transphobia even in just the media. Not even experiencing it first hand by my family. I pushed away all thoughts that I could be trans because I thought it was something "gross weirdos" did, because that's what all forms of media told me. Till around age 22, when I finally accepted it, and saw, media is wrong and there are plenty of great trans people.

And not being totally comfortable by male pronouns can be pretty normal I think. Even now, when my family calls me 'he' a feel slightly off about it. Literally everyone and anyone else being called 'he' feels right. But by family it just feels strange, even 9 months on T, growing a beard, with a deep voice. Maybe because I feel they are more so faking it. My mom has to think about it every time she talks, and I just feel like it's fake. It's not a first hand thought like with anyone else.

Thinks like acne and sex drive aren't too much trouble. I have a pretty high sex drive sometimes, but it's normal/low most of the time. As for acne, it's pretty bad, but not horrific. My face is mostly fine, more often then not it's about the same pre-T. I have a lot of shoulder and back acne, but it's not over the top. Noticeable red dots all over, but not large boils or anything. And eventually it will go away. It's only something you'll deal with for maybe 2 years. But totally worth being who you really want to in the end.

Basically, my personal advice is to disregard your family's opinions. It's better to live a life FOR YOU, and not for them. You'll find plenty of close friends who will love and support you above all else and are happy for you to be you.

For the RAF, that might be a problem if you plan to medically transition. There is only one openly trans person in the RAF. So going into that and transitioning might be two goals that are difficult to both make work. (Though since Rachael did it, and seemed to be fully supported by the RAF and her colleagues, seems no reason you couldn't!)