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Making the First Move: How Does It Work in Gay Relationships?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by confuseduser99, Sep 28, 2016.

  1. confuseduser99

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    Hey everyone,

    It's been a while since I've visited EC. I have to say, if it weren't for EC, I absolutely would have never accepted myself for being gay, and coming out of the closet.

    Here's a question I have for you.

    How does "making the first move" work in gay relationships/attraction? I often find this a problem. I've met people from ****** (and other dating apps), and things don't seem to go anywhere. I don't know if it's because I'm scared to make the first move (I mean, I'm more or less 'submissive' in relationships, so that's why), or if I give off vibes.

    Take the other day for example. I was chatting with someone I met on ******. Funny story is that I live in the apartment across from his (coincidence?). I also know his roommate, she's a friend of mine.

    Anyway, after suggesting we should meet up for coffee sometime, he suggested I go over to his place for a drink. I was hella nervous, but I took him up on his offer.

    i went over, had a drink, and chatted with him about a ton of things. I really liked him. i found him attractive. I think he found me attractive.

    Anyway, after about an hour, he showed me out. I think it was obvious that it was going nowhere. As I said, I have never made the first move on anyone (I'm too nervous for that). I'm also not generally into the "hookup" culture. I like to meet people and get to know them, before I jump into bed with them.

    Long story short:

    1) Did I maybe send the wrong message by accepting his invite over, and not making a move? (although I feel like that's a little unfair, since HE invited me over... shouldn't he be making the first move?)
    2) Generally speaking, how does making the first move work with gay men? Society normalizes men to make the first move in heterosexual relationships, but what's the "norm" in homosexual relationships?
     
  2. Joelouis

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    I'm way to apprehensive to ever make the first move. It's always a fear of mine for me to have the wrong idea and for them to come out with "What the fuck?!".
     
  3. Spartan 117

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    I wonder whether it went as badly as you thought it did? What makes you say that it was obvious that it wasn't going anywhere? If you both had a good time and apparently found each other attractive, what went wrong?

    It might be that he was just as nervous about making the first move as you were, or that he just wanted to get to know you a bit better before making any move. Unfortunately, there are no set rules about who makes the first move - usually it simply comes down to whoever is brave enough!