Madly in love with male 'best' friend; not sure if he is gay or not.

Good luck! You can do it!

 

You seemed to have a great time with him!!! Congrats. From what you described you really enjoyed those small things he did with you, you must really love him.

It's great you came out to a friend, even if it wasn't him, at least you are making progress, so congrats for that.
I don't know how you want to come out to him, but when he asked you if you liked someone, that was the best chance you had, in my opinion. Like I said, I don't know how you want to come out to him, but when he asked you that you could have said something along the lines of "I don't really mind the gender of the person really, what is important to me when I like someone is the personality and the way we get along and complement each other" like that, you don't have to say "hey I'm bi" but the message is conveyed and in a more natural and flowing way.

 

I'm very realistic about things like this, and oftentimes I'm the bubble-burster and have to tell people not to hold their breath or expect too much to come from a situation like this. But having read everything you've been telling us, I'm pretty much certain that's your friend is borderling begging you to make some kind of move.

So keep in mind this is coming from someone who usually says, "You should probably just move on and find someone else."

The touching, the dry-humping, the closeness, laying on top of you while moaning, asking you to caption pictures like he's your boyfriend, the comments about how cool it would be to be bi, joking that you're in a relationship, poking your boner with a ruler... I mean, seriously dude... your friend is practically begging for you to come out to him! At least it's really looking that way to me.

I know others have been in similar situations with "straight" friends and nothing came of it, either because their friend was only being playful/friendly or was too closeted or in denial to let it progress further; but your friend is being way too flirtatious and overtly sexual to chalk it off as just being friendly. And I think of how aware he is about how gays are perceived publicly, which is why he only acts like this with you and select others (which I think is just to make you jealous and further motivate you to make a move). I also wouldn't think anything of him using "gay" the way he does, like "this is so gay" and "that is so gay" in a negative way because, unfortunately, that's just become a common use for the word in everyday conversation, like "that's so rad" was a popular expression in the 90s. I wouldn't think anything of it if it were me.

So I agree with the advice other's have been giving to you... Either come out to him, or really amp up your flirting back with him. He's made it clear that, at least when the two of you are alone, he's willing to flirt pretty heavily with you and get pretty touchy-feely, so I'd let that be the level of flirting to which you aspire anytime you have the opportunity. And remember, all those times you see him flirting with other guys and it makes you feel jealous... well, you're feeling jealous because that's his intent; he wants to make you jealous. So clearly his plan is working!

Did you ever have another sleepover with him? You said before that each sleepover the two of you had was getting progressively more sexual each time. If I were you, I wouldn't just let him be the one who makes all the sexual/suggestive comments and gestures. If he can (PUBLICLY) lay down on top of you and moan, I'd take that as a cue that you can do similar things to him at least in private when it's only the two of you.

Also, the little excerpt of conversation you posted was very tellling, in my opinion...

^ This gives me the impression that he feels the way you do; or at the very least, I'm inferring that for some reason, he feels like it's harder than usual to come out and tell his crush that he is into them. But if he was crushing on a girl, why would that be confusing? It could be scary, or intimidating, or maybe if he felt like she was out of his league then maybe it could be frustrating or disappointing... But confusing? To me, that says his crush is... I guess you'd say, "unconventional"? Or at least it's someone that he seems to have not expected, or someone the likes of which he's not experienced before. As I said, that little comment says a lot to me.

I feel really good about where you may end up with your friend. He may not become your boyfriend, but I feel like he's interested in you enough to where you two could very well end up being "special playmates" while he figures this out. If he's not gay or bi, then he's at least curious; at your age, it's common to not know what your orientation is, and it can sometimes take a while to figure it out. But it seems like if that's the case with your friend, his actions and the things he's saying make it seem like he might be willing to learn through experimentation. Some people won't allow themselves to indulge while they're questioning, but that doesn't seem to be the case with your friend as he's already make it pretty clear that he wants to touch you in very, very intimate ways.

And I'll echo the others who've said it would be a great idea to come out to him. I wouldn't say, "I'm going to come out to him tomorrow at lunch!" and force it into your conversation. If I were you, I would say to myself, "I'm going to come out to him this week!" And then the first chance I get--you'll be able to feel when the time is right and the conversation presents the perfect opportunity to casually work it in--I would do it! It sounds to me like he at least suspects that you're bi, and not only has that not affected your friendship, but he's still been flirty and touchy with you despite that suspicion. Based on what you've told us, I see no reason to think anything would change after you've come out to him.

Good luck mate! I've really enjoyed reading your story; it's quite adorable. I hope everything works out for you, and have fun in the meantime! Not everyone has a friend like yours who is so open-minded and accepting that you can flirt and play with them in the way you do with your friend; so enjoy it :icon_bigg

 

If you continue having sleepovers, it sounds like you're going to have many opportunities to amp up your flirting. He stuck his hand down his pants when you were sitting next to him? Wow! If he does that again, say something like, "Hey, want me to take care of that for you?" and see what he says! If he says yes, then hell, stick YOUR hand down his pants and have a play! :lol: Don't just reach over quickly and shove your hand down his pants though... Do something playful, like maybe walk your hand toward his crotch like a spider, and keep going until he stops you. If he doesn't stop you, well... That would definitely be an invitation so you're not overstepping your bounds, and that would also answer quite a few questions. And if he just laughs or denies your offer, then you're just being flirty anyway and no harm, no foul.

And I'm sure you'd have many opportunities like this one at a sleepover. I'd make your flirting more touchy-feely like his flirting has been. Based on everything you've told us, it really sounds like he's inviting you to do this, so aside from being scared and intimidated, don't let anything hold you back. And once you start doing things like this and he's receptive, you'll find more and more courage to go a little further each time. And who knows how far it could go!

 

Awww
This is so cute. I think it's definitely safe to come out to him. I can't imagine him being anything but accepting, and you'll get to see how he reacts. It does sound like he really likes you. You're very lucky to have such a good friend

 

Since your sleepovers are becoming more sexualised you could well arrive at a point where you just want to rip each other’s cloths off and just go at it like rabbits in which case you need to be prepared for it in advance by having condoms and condom safe lube to hand.

Perhaps you could allow your friend to "accidentally discover" condoms in your stuff at which point you could say it’s best to be prepared because you don’t want to miss an opportunity should one arise, without necessarily saying you’re bi/gay.

Before I knew I was gay I was working in the US with a business colleague, many thought to be gay, and sharing the company apartment with him. He had arrived at the apartment a few weeks before me and when I arrived he told me that there was a handy shop just round the corner where you could buy anything from a lawnmower to condoms at 1am in the morning. I am 99% sure this was a coded message for “I’m up for it if you are” without ever mentioning being gay. Oh how stupid I was not to take him up on that. He even mentioned about the walk in shower in the master bedroom being big enough for 2 .. doh!

Another example of a coded message from a gay friend happened whilst just the 2 of us were staying in his parent’s holiday home. We were sat across the table from each other one night drinking beer, I got up to use the bathroom and when I came back I found a bottle of baby oil on the table between us. The intent was obvious, he said nothing and I chickened out.

Have fun, perhaps drop subtle hints, and be prepared to play safe just in case things move fast, although I would recomend starting slowly.

Sale Gay Guy

 

I agree with you, he sounds like he's obsessing over the topic because he's going through denial and he's just trying to find out what everyone else feels about it, and he's trying to act like he isn't gay when deep down he knows he is. You should just be to the point and come out to him. See how he reacts, and if it goes well maybe try telling him how you feel?

 

Yeah, your friend ain't straight!


I agree with everything DangerAlex said. You two seem like you're almost a reflection of each other. You both are prodding the other for info, wanting to say something, but are not. I agree you should come out to him. You don't have to just bring it up out of nowhere. He's already given you plenty of opportunities to do so, and he will again.

Oh and congrats on coming out to your other friend, and him you.

 

Hey i wonder what happened i hate when people dont update their stories -.-

 

Aww, this is such a great story! Keep us updated, ShadowJ. And oh yes, if he really is into you, then you are so lucky!

 

will keep us with the updates bud i would love to hear and help too if i can ^^

 

I think if you really do like him, you have to tell him because there's a big chance that this guy has feelings for you. He has even guessed himself as your crush a few times and I think deep inside he is hoping that he is your crush.

I'm just afraid if you stall much longer, he'll give up giving the signals for you and start to move on. Especially after you come out but decide not to tell him -- he might think something like, "Well, even if he's into boys that doesn't mean he likes me." I think the worse feeling here is knowing that your friend doesn't have the same feelings for you even though he's gay than having to know a guy doesn't like you back because he's straight.

I don't know, I think it is less painful to know that a guy doesn't like me back because he's straight, but if a guy I like still does not have feelings for me even though he's gay, that's a bit of a heartbreak to handle. It makes me feel so insecure and depressed, and I will think of things like nobody will like me, I won't have a boyfriend, etc.

I'm speaking of what I think is right because I have very little experience. So far a guy I like is confirmed straight and sooooo religious.

Anyway, keep it up and don't miss on updating us the good things! I wish you all the best.

 

Wow Shadow, I really hope the best for you. Your story is already so sweet! I definitely think your friend has suspicions that you like him, and from what I can see he is definitely not straight as an arrow, if you catch my drift.

Although it might be good to tell him, you might want to wait it out to see if anything changes between the two of you. If he stops with the sexually-suggestive behavior, that might indicate that he was only doing it near you because of how close you guys were. It might be uncomfortable for him to do that around you now he knows there's a possibility your "sexual" encounters might have more of a playful meaning for you. I'd say that you try to organize another sleepover, if he keeps doing the same stuff then I'd say he definitely has some feelings for you.

Please keep us updated! (*hug*)