I’ve had two relationships and in those times I felt that I was loved and I loved so that was good. However, after I ended my last relationship, everything has been a bit weird. I felt in many times that i wanted my bf back, then when I was getting over the break up things got complicated but then things just got “normal” again. I haven’t dated anyone yet and I don’t feel like doing it and because I feel I have nothing to offer to anyone (I’m kind of a looser) but sometimes I think I’d like to have a bf, that’s when I get confused and sad; why do I want a bf? Just because? That’s wrong! Lately I’ve thought that maybe love will never comer again and that I will be alone, that I won’t be able to love like I did before and that makes me sad.
You're not a loser, don't say that. You're a unique and valuable person even if you don't think so. You'll find someone who loves you again, it will happen and it'll be even better than the first two relationships. If you need someone to talk to about this type of stuff i'm here for you man.
What you are writing here, ties very much in with another thread you posted: https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?threads/i’m-pathetic.468869/ While you hold onto ideas that you are a loser or pathetic in some way, you are going to struggle with relationships. If you don't love (or at the very least, like) who you are, how can you expect someone else to see good things in you? With this sort of attitude you will only give off negative vibes about yourself. The fact that you have had two previous relationships and felt real feelings of love in both suggests to me that you are not a loser at all. What exactly makes you believe you are a loser? What specifically is so wrong in your life that you feel you have nothing (zero) to offer? Instead of making sweeping statements, try to really focus on what you think is wrong. It is true that you should want a relationship for the right reasons and not "just because", but if you think you have love to offer that's a good enough reason. I (and other members) think you are doing yourself an injustice with some of the things you are saying. Don't you?
What is wrong in my life? Hmmm well I have a lot of good things and I’m grateful for those but the way I am sometimes makes me think I’m not good enough for anyone. I’m bad at talking to people, I just get nervous. I still don’t have my degree and not a real job in my area either (I’ve done freelance stuff but besides that there is nothing good). I cried in front of people and I think I looked weak at those times, to them I am weak! Why am I doing myself an injustice?
You're doing yourself an injustice by putting yourself down so much and thinking you are weak for crying in front of people. Have you cried in front of people often, or was it just the one time? What happened to cause you to cry? Many people are not great talkers, but when they do talk it makes it all the more interesting to hear from them. It can actually be more irritating when people don't shut up and constantly talk about themselves. The main thing is that you show an interest in the people you meet and get to know them and that means asking about their lives and listening and responding. You've had two previous relationships, so you clearly are not without qualities.
Everyone has something to offer, and it’s our job to look deep into what we can offer in relationships. How you view relationships is also how you view yourself as well. Not too long ago, I got to a point where I thought I couldn’t be happy without someone in my life, but recently I’ve realized my life isn’t over if I’m not in a relationship. I love the things that come with a relationship; the exclusivity, the passion, getting to know someone inside-out, etc. I think the best time to enter a relationship is when you are at a place where you feel comfortable without being in one. That is, you don’t need a relationship to feel full, or complete. This is something I realized recently and it’s hard to explain. My psychologist suggested that in times of hopelessness, make a gratitude list. In other words, make a list of things that you are greatful for. It helped me realized that a relationship is like the icing on the cake; it makes life more enjoyable and meaningful.
