I've decided I can no longer deal with these constant questioning and depression about my sexuality it's been 3 long years of this crap in my mind I feel like it's getting worse I can't function without worrying and Analising. I've been pretending to be happy in my heterosexual life and put all my time into my family which has been hard to do.I have contacted a Counsellor about talking about my issues the lady who does all that "free counselling" wasn't in but her receptionist said someone would be in contact in the next two weeks as there is a waiting list.I have also found a coming out support group which is an hour away from me I don't want something close by just incase someone recognises me (I know paranoid) there's a group on tonight once a month they have get togethers.I want go but I'm scared and I'd have to make an excuse to my partner and kids to where I will be I'm afraid to tell them because I'm still in "The closet" I think.I don't know what to say in a group setting and I'm so worried that I don't belong there like I'm not gay enough or some other crazy thought that keeps popping up in my head.I want to get the ball rolling but whenever I find myself thinking about it I start thinking I don't really need to come out or I'm just confused or I'm not In that much need my mind goes into denial mode at the moment I'm trying to not think about it all but whenever I'm alone in my thoughts I feel like crying and running away I'm a mother and a wife I shouldn't be carrying on like this but I can't stop.
Both seem fine to me but you obviously freak out about the support group so I'd probably go to a counselling appointment first. When you feel more at ease later on you can still try to go to the group meeting, right? One step at a time.(*hug*)
Nearly everyone that goes to a coming out group for the first time is petrified. It's making yourself vulnerable, acknowledging that you might be, or are, gay, and all of that brings up some pretty intense fear. So I completely understand why that seems like a big step. But if you feel ready, I'd encourage you to give it a try. The coming out groups tend to be very, very welcoming and supportive, because everyone, when they started, was where you are today and they remember that. It can be wonderful to be around others that have been through what you're feeling and talk about it. I think the individual counseling is worthwhile as well, particularly since you've got a husband and kids in the picture, which makes things a little more complicated. And... be proud of yourself for addressing the issue, for talking about it here, for thinking about it, and taking steps. In any case, you're making great strides whether you go next week, next month, or 6 months from now. There's no rush, just follow your heart, and give yourself permission to be scared and take your time
Lostmyself, I started going to a support group about 2 months ago. It was scary to walk in, but that went away pretty quick, everyone there was nice and supportive. You can just go and listen to people and talk when you are comfortable doing so
i first went to a support group and i felt horrible, i didn't fit in. my councilor told me i could be normal if i wanted to bad enough. i was so down and alone. a few weeks later i ran into someone from the support group and they asked where i'd been. turns out i DID belong, i DID fit in. not gay enough is a box best to be thought outside of. if i hadn't taken that first step i would still feel like i was alone. no one can understand you better than those in the LGBT community.
