Lesbians, could you love a trans guy who isn't transitioning?

FTM trans people aren't ladies but you asked for our opinion, so...

I'd have no issue with it. I actually have a friend I have a mild crush on, he's a trans guy but not out publically yet so he still presents as female. I see him, treat him, and crush on him completely as a guy. It's a little painful though because he's straight and has a girlfriend...

I've seen mentioned before by lesbian women that dating a trans guy is difficult for them because they want a women to have a relationship with and just can't gel with a man - and a lot of trans men, whether or not they have physically transitioned, act like men. In those cases, though, I think it's less of a question of if people would accept you as a guy and more of a question of whether they'd be comfortable dating a man, even if his appearance is very female.

 

No, I wouldn't. Why? Because he identifies as a guy. I want someone to call my girlfriend, to use she/her pronouns, and to feel like we're two ladies in love. I can't do that with a trans guy because It's invalidating.

 

Yes, I could. I prefer genderqueer females, anyway. I know trans is different, but since you're not transitioning, it would work. I'm attracted to the male dynamic, just not attracted to full-blown men. With that being said, I'm also not attracted to butch women. I like a good balance of feminine and masculine, but with a woman who falls into a male role.

 

Of course I'm in a similar situation myself. But I guess that, being Pansexual, gender was never going to be an issue anyway

 

Why not? However, if you had body dysphoria, it would be a problem for me. That's the only obstacle I see. I think I don't have a type, apart from good looks and a similar temperament. So... such a person might be a pretty good fit, actually.

---------- Post added 24th Sep 2016 at 05:54 AM ----------

And yes, me too.

 

Most Lesbians I know outside of EC would share this sentiment.


I personally would but then i'm bi. Plus if someone identifies as a guy our relationship would be a straight not a lesbian one in my eyes even if he does not pass as one. The same would go to your question about people who don't transition in general.Granted it would probably take some time to fully view them as their inner gender when outside appearances indicate anything but, but i'm fairly sure it could work.

 

Lol rule number one of speaking to ftms: do not group us in with "ladies". I'm not even sure what we would have to do with this issue...

But if you're speaking to me as a straight man and saying would I date someone who inwardly identifies as male but doesn't present as one? I'd say definitely not. But that is because personally I am attracted specifically to feminine presenting female identifying people, regardless of their body parts. For example, I would have no problem dating a pre-op transwoman if she passed reasonably well, presented in a "femme" manner, and preferably was on hormones (though Idk if that would really matter. I don't actually have experience with dating transwomen, it's just something I've always been somewhat interested in), but I would never date an FTM even if he was pre everything. And even when I was identifying and presenting outwardly as a cis lesbian, I would have never considered dating a butch woman.

The thing about this question is it is going to vary greatly from person to person. It's actually very interesting. For some people, identification and presentation are very important and for others body parts are really all that matter. Everyone has very different criteria for romantic/sexual partners. Like I said, I am attracted to femininity specifically. And you must identify as female. My fiancee is kind of the opposite yet similar. She has in the past identified as a lesbian but romantically strongly prefers masculine presenting women. She has recently expressed that she now realizes she is really interested in anyone who is masculine presenting and AFAB which applies to FTMs as well. Identification isn't that important to her, but body parts and presentation are.

 

This is one of those questions that my answer has to be why would you want to date a lesbian if you are a trans man? As Ricky said, the first rule about talking to someone trans is not to group them in with the gender that doesn't corrospond with their identity. As a lesbian, I am attracted to women, visually I might feel attraction to you but in order for me to view you as a man, it would mean to stop being attracted to you. I wouldn't choose to date you if I knew you were a trans man no matter how you looked.

Going a bit deeper, as far as I can understand, people do fall in love with trans people who are in the closet and it tends to end in heartbreak when that person comes out. Some stay but those people very rarely accept that the trans person is the gender they identify as. I don't believe that sexual attraction takes into consideration the structure of the brain which is what makes us trans and as such a lesbian woman can fall in love with a trans man. However, taking off the mask and coming out as trans typically means breaking that intimate bond that we call love and the attraction fades away over time. Expecting a lesbian woman to stay your partner and at the same time accept you for who you is unfair on her and something that I don't believe you should ask of her. Children complicate matters but after coming out, you should assume that your partner's love will never again be based on attraction as, for most people, sexuality is not fluid in such a way. Unless they are bi or pan, their sexuality would mean that they simply can't feel real attraction to you if they truly see you and accept you as nothing but a man.

 

No. I want to be with a girl, not someone who looks like a girl. It's who the person is inside that counts, after all.

---------- Post added 24th Sep 2016 at 06:51 PM ----------

Yeah, exactly. In order for this relationship to work, I would have to think of this person as female. But isn't that... wrong? Wouldn't that be ignoring an important part of my partner?

 

Will my on opinion is that I won't care if they were transgender or not I would love them for how they are bc it all about love and I live them just the way they are and I won't make them feel like that have to change bc they don't

 

I absolutely would. I recently met a pre-T FtM guy, found his look highly attractive but I really want a womans body underneath. So transgender without transitoning and without dysphoria absolutely yes. I don't care about gender identiy.

 

Honestly, I am on both sides of the equation.
I was dating a girl when she came out to me as trans. I loved and respected him for his decision and we ended up breaking it off for unrelated reasons.
Now I'm dating a guy who identifies as straight and I've come out to him as trans. He loves and accepts me and I'm really lucky he does.
But he did tell me that he is straight. He loves me, but it's hard for him to come to terms. He has moments where he's the most amazing man in the world, but other times he has troubles. And that's understandable. He didn't sign up to date a guy.

I feel it's the same way for lesbians. They signed up for women. Not a transguy. Some people have flexible sexuality (i.e. bisexuals, pansexual, demi). And they sign up for what they sign up for.
I myself am pan because I know the experience. I fell in love with my ex as mentioned and he came out as trans. I still loved him.
But for some it's simply just not like that.

 

I'm surprised at how much discussion there is about this question, haha. I always just assumed that, as a trans guy, I probably wouldn't be dating lesbians, but would date bi/pan/etc. women instead.

 

Im a gay trans guy by gonna give me two cents anyway. I doubt a lesbian that refuses to change their identity would date a trans guy, and if they do then they're not respecting your identity and thinking of you as a guy. My boyfriend was straight before he met me and before we even started dating and were only talking he told me he wasn't straight and was bi. That showed me he respected me identity as a guy. People should be doing the same to you and you probably shouldn't be seeking out lesbians.