Lesbian views on virginity

I don't really think that even sex is required to lose virginity. Before I had it, I always felt a bit hypocritical, a bit like lying, whenever I wanted to refer to myself as a virgin because, as we all know, one can have lots of sexual experiences on their own. There isn't even a need for the other person, be it male or female. Therefore I don't think that this concept makes much sense or is applicable to reality. Probably it can be applied to people who have never touched themselves before having sex, but that's about it. And even then a question remains if someone who is just giving oral sex is still a virgin. It would be strange to say yes, strange to say no. Ultimately virginity is too simplistic to account for reality.

 

I considered myself to have lost my virginity the first my first girlfriend and I got naked and gave each other orgasms (won't go into detail how that happened.

If someone has given oral sex or had intercourse with the opposite sex before they had it with the same sex, and want to consider themselves virgins, that's fine. Virginity is probably whatever you want it to be. If my first time had been with a guy instead of a girl, I would'nt have felt any less of a person over it. My first time with a girl happened to be enjoyable, but it wasn't special like when I had sex with my same sex life partner. But then I didn't meet her until 3 years later, and didn't know I'd ever meet her. I wasn't the first person she'd had sex with either, but it was okay.

Someone told me once that losing virginity is losing your sexual ignorance. If that's the case, I lost it when I opened a book that I found in the library. I think it was called "The joy of sex" Granted, it was hetrosexual sex, but it was still interesting for a 13 year old girl to read. That, or finding an issue of playboy that my brother had. That was more titilating to me personally.

 

I think the penis-vagina standard is a load of bullcrap. To me, sex is any sort of consensual skin or object to genitalia contact. Sex is a normal thing and if it isn't hurting you or anyone else physically mentally emotionally then there is no reason to be freaked out and suddenly stripped of all worth. Penises should not hold so much power so as to take the label of "virgin" off of a woman. To me it's just a stupid double standard that society needs to get rid of. If anybody's interested there is a book called The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti that I found particularly interesting on the social concept of virginity.

 

Beautifully said. Great response.

---------- Post added 17th Feb 2014 at 03:02 PM ----------

Agreed. The concept is just way too patriarchal in my opinion.

 

I don't care about virginity. It's kind of a made-up term if you think about it, and people seem to be way too into if other people are virgins or not. Just because someone isn't a virgin, doesn't mean they're good at sex or even experienced.

I would consider a girl having any sexual experience (doesn't matter if it's oral, fingering, humping, whatever) with another girl to be a non-virgin. People who say you have to be penetrated by a guy's penis in order to lose the V-card irk me a lot.

 

Yup, that's just crazy. I've never had penile penetration with a guy, but I'm sure not a virgin. Sex with women is still sex. Hey, I've even delivered a baby without having a penis in me. Think about it!

 

I agree with this. Losing your virginity to me means having sex, that's how you lose it. I personally don't think it's an outdated term, it has too much meaning and significants. Why else make a whole thread about something that has no meaning anymore?

I think it's just evolving, as human sexuality and acceptance evolves.

 

I'm not considered a virgin because Ive been raped... but since rape is my only sexual experience I still feel like a virgin emotionally... in the sense that I havent yet had my "first time" (anything sexual period) by choice.

From my perspective, being acknowledged as having my hymen broken=sex it has been very hard as a rape victim. Also the whole "women have to at least enjoy it a little" like some people say is ludicrous. Rape is not pleasurable it is degrading and traumatizing, and makes survivors of rape feel even worse when they are no longer considered a virgin. Or are made to believe they were "asking for it."

 

I'm glad you feel that way!

I feel like I want a real first time. If someone told me rape was their only sexual experience I'd consider them a virgin too. I hate that a lot of people dont consider me one. Thanks for the response!

 

Yeah the statistics on sexual abuse are atrocious! 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are sexually abused before the age of 18!

I'm sorry for your friend. Depending on a persons religious views the depression can be stronger and self inflicted. In a lot of religious groups virginity is like a prize, and those who are religious and face abuse like myself have a long hard road. I was in a massive depression from ages 17-21 (recently). Luckily most of my panic attacks are rare now. I always keep herbal supplements on me though for depression and anxiety.

Sorry for the rant! I'm so glad you were able to be a good friend for her. You sure cheered me up!

 

Yes it is far too common! Luckily most of my friends haven't had to experience that. Wouldn't wish it on anybody!

Thank you very much! I agree! I'm glad your friend sees that and I know it's that first time you choose that really matters! I look forward to that!

 

Jesus... I knew the number was high for women, but the 1/6 statistic is news to me (probably because men are even more discouraged from coming forward and sharing their experiences). Imagining what rape victims have to overcome is unfathomable for me, and anyone who has been through such an experience to come out stronger definitely has my respect and admiration. Sadly, that's still a lot of people...

 

What a great post!

I think of "losing one's virginity" as more of a metaphysical, emotional, spiritual or psychological moment. In my experience there were several moments that I'd consider certain losses of virginity. I don't count childhood experiences or non-consensual experiences at all, because I don't consider them to be sex, because sex is mutual and consensual and anything else is just violence and even if it's sexual should not be called sex.

That said, in technical terms, I'd define my "first" with a girl as an experience that didn't involve penetration at all--just the first time intimate contact was combined with love. My first with a guy I would trace to the first time I actually enjoyed it with a guy, so again the first time sex and love were combined in my mind. Then there was the first experience with kink, which was another form of virginity in a way. I'd say that the hymen thing is a sick literal interpretation of what is meant to be a metaphor--that emotionally and psychologically there are several "barriers" that over time, with different partners (or the same partner), we break through. So to me losing virginity is when you wake up in the morning and think, "Wow, I'm more myself now than I was before last night." Any time a wall comes down and we become, consensually, vulnerable to another person in a life-altering way I'd call that a loss of virginity.