I've never been more confused with my sexuality. During my elementary days, I had several guy crushes - although I found myself looking at the older sister of my guy crush as well. I dismissed the idea of that feeling as a "crush" - probably convincing myself that it was more of admiration than attraction. I had a boyfriend as well when I was 16. It lasted for only a year because he was very abusive physically, emotionally, and sexually. During college, I only had guy crushes. So, I was convinced that my earlier "girl crush" was nothing more than just admiration. Towards my senior year, I grew very curious with girl to girl relationships. Every time I attended college parties, I was constantly wishing to make out with a girl - though it never happened because I was afraid that my friends would judge me for it. After graduation, my family and I went to Paris for vacation. To satisfy my sexual drive then, I went out with a guy I met on a dating app. He brought me to a swinger club, and that was when I had my first sexual encounter with a girl as well. Sex with the guy was undeniably hot, but I couldn't help but daydream about the sex I had with the girl. When I came back to my country, everything in my mind was about kissing and having sex with a girl. Thinking that it might just be a hangover from the sex I had, I quickly "ignored" the feeling. Throughout the months that passed, I was telling my friends that I find this or that guy hot (but I never really felt any attraction to these guys. They just look hot and that's it.) - but if I see a hot girl, I just can't seem to take my eyes off her and keep on daydreaming about her. Recently, I met a femme lesbian online and we engaged in a cam chat, talked dirty, etc. I have to say that it was absolutely very hot. Up until now, I couldn't go on a day without thinking about her and the conversation we had. Now, I am convinced that I am not straight, but I don't know if I am more of a lesbian or a bisexual. I don't know if I'm just confused because everything is still so new and fresh. Is this feeling normal? Although only I can define my sexuality (which I think will take some time), I want your second opinion on my sexuality as well.
I can't tell you who you are, but I can tell you that you can keep time to think of your sexuality. It's not a simply thing, I know but you have to try to be calm. A lot of women are attractive of other women and they are straight, they also can have sex with other women, and have dreams about them. But it's important to understand who you want spend your life with, if you imagine your life and maybe your family with a man or woman, who you are more happy with! Finally only you know your identity, but before if I were you, tell her you are confused and you aren't sure of yourself. Because it's important to respect other people, always. Sorry for my english, good weekend!
I think it will take time to figure out your sexuality, because it seems like you have represses your same sex attractions for a long time. it sounds like you could be gay, but then if also sounds like you could be Bi, but not currently interested in guys as much due to exploring your same sex attractions. I would say take time to get in touch with your feelings for women and focus on them for a while- give yourself a rest from the idea of being with a guy. hopefully once you have accepted your attraction to women more you will also get a clearer picture how you feel about guys.
