Lesbian or Asexual?

Hi, and welcome. Just want to note that I’m another “victim” of True Love Waits,” so I get it. For me, I ended up marrying my first serious boyfriend and waited until engagement to have sex. Sex was something I felt guilty about and it was never something I enjoyed. I’ve spent the last 25 years tolerating it and last year I fell hard for a lesbian friend and realized I’m not straight. I have always liked looking at women, was turned on by lesbian scenes in movies and books, had intense friendships with girls, etc. I never considered I was gay because it wasn’t an option presented to me and I never saw real life lgbtq role models. I am definitely demisexual, so there’s no strong attraction unless I make an emotional connection with someone. After a year of realization and therapy I’m now in a serious relationship with a woman and I can say I’m most definitely a lesbian. Sex with her is intense and satisfying and feels right. It’s not perfect — I still carry some of that southern baptist shame deep inside, but I’m learning to take great pleasure in sex and being who I am. I hope your path will become clear soon. It’s a hard journey, but worth it, I believe.

 

I don't think it does us well to dwell in the past but that doesn't mean we can't look back and use what we see as a motivation to propell us forward. Changing our path or our future doesn't mean we have to forget where we came from or where we have been.

 

you Will be okay. its not a maybe. just give yourself room to breathe and grow into yourself. youre def not alone op.

 

I think almost everyone here has felt alone etc at some point in their journey. We are all here to help.

 

Hey sounds like you are definitely starting to understand yourself better. The mind is an amazing thing, it can be good and bad. They definitely sound like crushes. You will probably find as you let yourself explore this new found side of you that you will uncover other things you've never noticed until now.
For me there is attraction that is head turning, like 'omg she is so beautiful I have to take another look', and then there isn't attraction which is much deeper rooted, when you are just drawn to someone because of many aspects about them. I think the more you can relax and allow yourself to explore the feelings you have the more you will find the second kind of attraction.

 

I'm very happy for you doing these steps towards self-discovery. I read all these post and can't help but feel that they're all beautiful, in a very humane, fragile kind of way. I grew up in an environment that would be dangerous to accept I'm gay, but I'm gradually letting myself explore this side of me. Heck, I've even felt guilty for having sexual thoughts.

It's never too late. It's too late only when you're dead, so enjoy every breath. I can relate with many things on here, mainly the pain of suppressing, the shame and anger towards one's self. I'm also seeing a therapist, because even though I'm in my mid-twenties, I've lived through a lot of hard things and I want to go beyond merely surviving.

Best of luck!

 

Wow, this thread! I spent all of my life dating men. I never really enjoyed sex with them. I did it because I thought that's just the way it was. As I got older and got tired of "faking it" I began to think that I was Asexual. However, I responded to movies that had lesbian themes. I would see photos of a certain kind of woman and I really liked it. There was this androgynous waitress at my favorite restaurant that I would get completely flustered around. I started to read articles, watch videos, find any information to help me figure it out. What I learned is that there are so many orientations and sexual preferences that could apply to me but none of them felt completely right. I'm not afraid that I might be lesbian but I hesitate in labeling myself because maybe it's not that simple. I can't imagine putting myself in a box and just living by that. I want to be open about my sexuality as I move forward on this journey. I believe that religion, mental wiring, sexual fluidity, etc. can all have an effect on how we feel about sex and relationships. For me, it's all about finding the kind of connections with people that feel right. Whether, their just friendships or more.