A girl friend of mine and I have known each other since college and I would say we are pretty good friends (she knows I'm gay). We are both 37 and single, and we have talked before about co-parenting a child. Obviously if we are going to do it we should do it soon. I was wondering if we were to do it if it would make sense to legally get married in order to raise the child. We wouldn't be lovers or even have a ceremony, we would just go to the courthouse, sign the papers (assuming of course that she is also on board), and then we would live together and raise the child as friends. Does anyone have any idea if that would make it easier to co-parent, or would it just add extra layers of complexity to the situation? A friend of mine had recently contemplated co-parenting with a woman, but things didn't work out for them. From what little bit of exposure he had to the whole thing, he told me that co-parenting may not technically mean you are married but in practice it's very similar. I am just trying to think this all through and I would appreciate any feedback or ideas if anyone has any.
I applaud your desire for clear thinking. There are oh so many more details you need to consider other than those listed above. You may have thought of some, but certainly not all—but you know that. I wonder why the marriage issue is first raised. Was that your idea or your gf? Your question of harder vs easier is (to me) not the way you should begin 1) buy a notebook (or my kid would say use your phone) keep it close at hand. Record *every* thought. Yes, you will repeat yourself, but repeating better than forgetting. EXAMPLE QUESTIONS do you have any experience parenting? what do you expect from this? what happens if you and gf don’t work out? financially can you afford this? can she? what about religion? holidays? job relocation? what if you do marry her and you meet your true love? or she does? are you prepared to put this baby/child first for the rest of forever? These are just off top of my head. I am happy to bounce ideas back and forth if you like. But trust me, your list—suggested above—will be your best resource. ((momhugs)) PS get her a notebook as well
You should also probably contact an attorney who is familiar with family law in your jurisdiction. Knowing exactly what your legal responsibilities will be is a good thing. I know that in some places where I have lived being a biological parent is enough to allow you to make decisions for the child but in others being married to the other parent gives you both more rights and responsibilities.
