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Leaving my partner for someone I met online?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Scottbre, Jan 5, 2018.

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  1. Scottbre

    Scottbre
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    Hi, i’ve been with my partner for a year and a half and for the most part i’ve been happy. Although there have been other factors that I have to take into consideration. I found out that my partner cheated on me, at the time I found this out we were about 7 months in and I had so much love for him. He apologised sincerely, let me have time to think, begged me on his knees not to leave him and let me see everything - snapchat’s, emails, messages. He told me everything and that it was a mistake - he has been through a lot (even though that’s no excuse). I decided to try and work it through with him because I genuinely love him to pieces. Although we are moved on now I still have resentment for him because of what he did. It is going away but very slowly - i still think about it often (but not as much as i used too).

    I don’t have many friends so he encouraged me to join groups, to make me feel less lonely. I ended up joining a pen pal website to talk to new people when he wasn’t there to talk - to cure my lonliness.
    Despite what he did to me, i’m not a cheat and would never cheat - i have morals.
    5 months ago I began talking to this girl, didn’t intend for anything to happen. As it happens we talked a few times each week through text and now we talk every day. I feel like we have a genuine connection. She gets me just as much as i get her. She is very pretty and kind. But the thing is she lives in the USA (minnesota) and I live in the UK. She knows that i’ve been with someone but still told me that she likes me, and can’t stop thinking about me. and i would be lying if i said i didn’t feel the same.

    now this is the position i’m in. I have a boyfriend here in the UK and am talking to a girl in the USA. i did not intend for this to happen but it just has. I love my boyfriend but i have rapidly growing feelings for this girl.

    Do i leave my boyfriend for an online relationship? it seems unrealistic. i’m not opposed to moving away if it happens she’s the one, but likewise I love my boyfriend and feel as if i am cheating on him.

    what do i do? is it possible to love two people at once despite not even meeting the second one in person??
     
    #1 Scottbre, Jan 5, 2018
  2. justinf

    justinf
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    I think the important thing to remember here, in any case, is that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." You've been with your partner for year and a half, which is usually around the time the initial excitement starts to fade, the relationship becomes more predictable, you start having more arguments... etc.

    Now about this girl: you talk about the genuine connection you have with her, and about how much she gets you, but honestly how genuin is a connection with someone you've never even met? And how much can she "get" you when she hasn't even met you and therefore doesn't actually know you? Just some thoughts to consider. Like I said before, the grass is always greener, and I personally think it would be silly to consider throwing away what you have for some girl you met online and that you sort of click with over text.

    As for your current partner, whether or not you want to continue that relationship should be a separate issue and shouldn't depend on this girl. If you feel so much resentment towards your boyfriend for what happened that it is interfering with your ability to be happy in the relationship, then you'll either need to actively work on that (together), or break it off. If you do decide to work on it and continue the relationship, however, then you should cut any contact with the girl. Talking with someone you think you may be developing feelings for may not be cheating in the traditional sense of the word, but it is dishonest and unfair to your partner.

    I can't tell you what to do, because in the end it is your decision to make. But in any case, continuing both "relationships" simultaneously is not an option.
     
    #2 justinf, Jan 5, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
  3. resu

    resu
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    If you're orientation is gay, why would you be falling for a girl?
     
    #3 resu, Jan 5, 2018
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    Another major piece to consider: It's not as easy as "I want to move to the US." Unless you're in a handful of very specialized careers, it's very difficult to get any sort of permanent visa to the US. You won't be able to work without a visa and work permit, which also isn't difficult to get.

    So add this to the things described above and the answer is... it's probably too unrealistic to seriously consider. I won't say absolutely because people make things work... but it does sort of seem like a "grass is greener" sort of thing.

    As for your boyfriend... you're more generous than I would have been. And I hope (if that's what you choose) that your generosity pays off. So you really should think about what you want here, as you could end up not having either of them.
     
    #4 Chip, Jan 5, 2018
  5. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    A mistake is not adding numbers correct, or buying the wrong butter at the store.

    Be careful on your decision with the boyfriend. Make sure you do what is best for you.

    If he does something with someone and gives you some type of illness that is not a mistake that is putting you in danger.

    Just think careful on what you want to do.

    And also do you want to be with a boy or a girl, or are you more Bisexual?

    Meeting someone in person can be helpful, and online only situations are not always the best thing.

    Seems you want to replace the boyfriend before you leave so you have a place to be.
    Look at all parts of this and make the best decision.
     
    #5 TrevinMichael, Jan 6, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2018
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