Such is the sitch, I hope it's clear; I'm about to exit the wardrobe, and would like to come out to a close friend who is also gay, but already out. He has in the past confessed a sexual interest in me, which was flattering and also kind of exciting, but which, because of my uncertainty with my sexuality, I had to rebuff. Now that I'm about to come out, I'm worried I might take advantage of him being another guy who would potentially reciprocate any affection I showed toward him. I mean that, I don't know if I could resist the temptation if the opportunity arose to be physically intimate with him. That's not a bad thing in itself, but the issue is that I know that I wouldn't want a committed relationship with him - anything I did with him would purely be an act of sexual gratification. Which I don't think is very cool. Just to use him like that. Maybe he wouldn't even be interested, but it is still certainly possible, and I'd hardly be resistant if things did lead down that path. Because I've been so long in suppressing my sexuality, any chance to act on it is sorely tempting. But the other part of me knows that it's really testing the boundaries of our friendship. I do like him, and he is a guy, who's gay, and probably kind of likes me too, but at the end of the day, I really can't see us together, and I don't want to lead him on when I know it wouldn't go any further. Ethics of one night stands with friends! What do you think?
For me its a big no no...i beleive that those friends you just mess around with are those you have no intention of keeping. So if you value his friendship, which i beleive you do, i'd advice you against mixing sex with your friendship.
I'm of the personal belief that one-night stands and friends-with-benefits aren't cool. Some people are fine with it though. It's up to your personal preference, but you're expressing that you aren't thrilled about the idea. I do not think, however, that fear of being intimate with him is a good reason to not come out to him. Being gay he could prove to be a very valuable support and resource, not to mention he's your friend. If he's a good friend, he'll respect your boundaries. That said, I think you should still come out to him if you're comfortable, but work on setting up ways to prevent yourself from doing something you'd regret.
