Since I have no one to talk to I thought I would write a kind of diary entry of how I'm feeling, and people who feel like they can help can then reply. Lately I've been feeling terrible, and I don't know why. Well that could actually be a lie. I think I've felt so down lately because I don't have any one I can confide in. I would love to confide in my best friend about my sexual orientation, but I'm too afraid. I'm afraid I might lose her, and I'm afraid she might tell someone. I am so desperate to tell her that I keep thinking all these bad things and I don't like it, like that she hates me after we have just had an amazing day, for example. Last night I worked myself up so much and got so upset that I ended up being sick. And other things, but I will spare you the details. I have been feeling so low lately that I attempted to cut myself. I didn't though, but that's another reason why I want to come out to her, because I know that she will understand and will help me when I'm sad, and I don't want to do something I will regret, but I'm just too afraid. I just need someone to talk to, and I want it to be her. Can anyone just help me and tell me weather or not to just tell her? I trust her fully, I'm just afraid.
Often times our fears are unfounded. You said you trust her fully. Show her that trust and tell her who you really are. She can help you get through the dark times.
Hey I'm sorry that you've been feeling terrible. I understand how suffocating it must feel to not have anyone to talk to about this, I really do. And it's very normal to be afraid (I was very, very scared before I told my friends about liking girls.) Whilst it is difficult at the moment, please don't turn to self harm. I know people say this a lot but I'll tell you right now it's not worth it, not in any circumstance or situation; it gets to be a real hard burden to shake, so if you're feeling down, there are many places (like here), you can still turn to. You'll be alright, as hard as it might be to believe right now. As for your best friend, I also get your fears about losing her or about things getting out there. I can't make a decision whether you should tell her as it hugely depends on your personal context that I can't gauge from here. I personally would recommend opening up to someone in your life as it helps relieve a lot of the stress that comes from being in the closet, however, if you're still worried, maybe it will help you to gauge how she might feel about these issues. Have you ever brought up LGBT+ things to her before? How did she react? It might help to sort of test the waters a bit, so they say. You say you trust her, which is good; if you do tell her, you can also emphasise that you want to keep it between you two. She should definitely respect that. Really at the end of the day, a true friend wouldn't mind and should be accepting of your orientation, even if it takes them a little bit of time to come to terms or come around. I know this is just my personal context and everyone's situation is different, but before I came out about liking girls I was pretty scared that some of my friends would be immediately unaccepting. But I was really positively surprised by their support, even those who are generally more conservative/who didn't understand but still expressed their support, and tried to learn more from me. The most that happened was that I got asked a lot of questions, though I didn't mind any of them. Although it doesn't always happen this way, just a tidbit of hope that sometimes things work out well despite our fears Even if you don't end up telling your friend, there are places and people you can still turn to. Whilst it feels different from confiding in a friend, talking to a trusted counsellor in school (or out, if you can afford to), can be a great confidential place to talk things out, depending on how accepting they are of different sexual orientations. There are also hotlines and support for LGBT+ online (and possibly centres where you live, if you can find any), and of course you have here. Sometimes when I was feeling alone I would watch Youtubers who I could relate to who talk about their experiences being part of the LGBT+ community online, and it would feel slightly more comforting. It's not easy being in the closet, but it won't last forever. One small step at a time. I hope you'll be able to safely open up soon. But whatever happens and whatever the situation, take good care of yourself (*hug*)
Hey Unicornswag. I'd echo the advice above, find your 'local' LGBT centre or wellbeing officer. They can help a lot and give you the support you need to take the steps you need when you need them. I've been in the closet a long, long time. Coming out was hard, but worth it. But the thing to remember is take it slow as you need and as out as far as you need to be. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself.
