Judged for being Gay and Religious.

Hi funnynate, hope you're okay.

We're in the same boat. The advice I can give you is the advice that one of my close friends gives me all the time when it comes to religion: ignore what people say, as long as you love God and feel truly sorry for your sins, you'll be fine.

As for your friends, I also understand where they're coming from, but I don't agree with them. What you are doing feels right to you, and it helps you find peace by bringing you closer to God. I'm not really sure what they are judging you for, except for the fact that you're gay and following a religion that doesn't approve of that. Is there something in particular that they dislike about that? Maybe talk to them about your choice and explain to them why you've made it.

That's my two pence, hope it helps. Take care.

 

Hey FunnyNate,

For friends to stop hanging out with you is pretty harsh! I'm sorry you're going through that.
I'm not sure what your experience was like growing up Catholic; perhaps it wasn't as negative as it was for many of us.
What does returning to the Catholic Church mean for you then? Does it mean that you buy everything they preach, such as that marriage is only between one man and one woman and that homosexual activity is a sin etc.? If that's the case, I think your friends may be very discouraged that you're going down a path that could become quite self-destructive, and if not, why support an institution that believes such things? There are plenty of LGBT-friendly churches out there.
What I'm trying to say is that for many of us, including your friends, the damage done to us by religion is real and the scars run deep. Many of us deeply feel that we were brainwashed from religion. That was certainly my experience. It's certainly understandable why many of us have very little sympathy for religion.
That said, having grown up Catholic and haven gone to church until I came out 2 1/2 years ago, I understand where you're coming from. You have every right to follow your own path. Many of us develop a new sense of spirituality after leaving organized religion. Many of us, too, want to feel close to God or develop a spiritual connection with our higher power and the rest of the universe but not in the confines of an institution that has done so much damage to us.

In the end, you have the right to do what feels right for you, and others need to respect that. I hope I've been able to show you your friends' perspective in the least judgmental way possible. The best now would be for you to explain to them where you're coming from so they can better understand.

Have a good one!

 

As a fellow LGBT Roman Catholic, I can say for sure that it's one of the hardest things I deal with. However, I am not out, so for me it is more of an internal struggle. But I am right there with you.

It's a shame your friends feel this way. I can understand where they are coming from, but that does not make it right at all. I agree with RedTrekkie in that if it feels right to you, and helps give you peace of mind to worship God, then by all means continue to follow Him. I personally feel as long as you love God, keep his commandments, and devote yourself to him, He'll love you back unconditionally.

Just remember there are far worse things you can do in life than be gay. We'll never know for sure what God says of homosexuality, but I don't think it can be as bad as other things He says are wrong.

 

If anyone questions your sexuality "because the Bible forbids it" just ask them.
And what will you say, when judgment day comes and God looks at you and says, "I sent my son to die for your salvation. That's how much I loved you. But you couldn't do something as simple as respect others for who they are, for who I made them to be." Then walk away.

 

It's a sad truth that some people have been so wounded by the church that they are unable to set aside their personal feelings and issues in order to maintain positive and friendly relationships with those of us who remain part of the faith and to some extent I can understand why. If they have encountered great hostility from people of faith (including their own parents/siblings) in the past they will be wary and suspicious - it's a protective instinct. They may be concerned that the church will brainwash you against them too, so exposing them to more prejudice and emotional harm and it may take time to reassure them.

Sometimes it's best to acknowledge the fears that other people have about religion and the church and just continue to be yourself; living out your faith in a quiet, unassuming way, free of piety and preaching. If you can do that and hold firm to your liberal and tolerant instincts they will see that you are not being controlled or manipulated from the pulpit and they will hopefully come around to a new way of thinking.

Would your friends feel differently if you practised your faith within a different denomination? How would you feel about doing that?

 

Aw man that sucks I'm sorry to hear! :c

Also yea I agree with PatrickUK that it's a sad truth that there are people of a certain religion that don't accept others for who they are. I'm a fellow LGBT+ Christian and also believe that marriage is between two people regardless of their gender/sexuality. I wish you luck in getting your friends to understand that you're still the same person regardless of you being gay. ^^

 

You are lucky to live in Ireland, first of all. It is home to the most LGBT accepting yet devout Catholic community on earth. There exist few other places where being gay and Catholic is not treated as a living contradiction by the religious authorities. As for your friends, they seem to be ideologically motivated and blinded by fanaticism. Most ignore that the LGBT community can and has been bigoted itself, with disgusting expressions of far left bias and ostracization of all those who fail to comply to their politically motivated standards.

 

funnynate, in my opinion you are going to find the right people in your life (and in your romantic relationships) by honoring your spirituality. To me going back to your church after a while away is a sign that you are integrating your life and putting back the pieces as you want them, rather than living your life in compartments. The way you describe leaving to find your own beliefs and then returning to a new kind of wholeness reminds me much of my own journey.

I'm not an orthodox believer by any means, but I would say I'm a progressive new era Christian and a mystic. I just look at the experience of life as full of meaning, symbols, and possible connections to something deeper, especially when we are mindful in the moment and present with nature. Right now I don't gravitate to any particular church, so please take my church comments with a grain of salt. In the past I've gone to Baptist, Presbyterian, and Methodist, and MCC churches. I enjoy my church experiences but I also believe that we can know God every day by looking around us with an open mind and eye. I think you know what I mean.

Frankly, your friends seem ignorant of the role of your faith in your life. They may not understand coming out as a sprititual journey toward wholeness, and that a person coming out amidst a crisis of faith is very different from a person who is simply coming out. Not that being a believer is any better or worse, but it's just a totally different context. A person of faith looks for meaning and substance on a completely different level than a non-believer, and has very different needs. We're thinking of our place in the universe and desiring connection with something larger rather than physical things. I know you get the point here; I'm just highlighting it because it could be a factor in the gap between you and your friends.

In my opinion your friends may benefit by knowing what your faith or spirituality (not necessarily your church per se unless you feel that to be paramount) mean to you. They may relate more to your core spiritual needs than the formal organization of a church, since spiritual needs tend to address immediate, universal aspects of being human.

Conversely, your church may need to recognize that an LGBT person is by definition a spiritual warrior, religious or not. We may not "look" the part of a Sunday school parable, but we demonstrate resilience daily. I've been in a few churches that really "get it" and can lead me to the next step of my journey, and some where I feel completely robotic and even unwelcome or strange. Ironically, one of the best learning experiences of my life was a church retreat with a southern Baptist congregation - that I was completely out to, and they completely "adopted" me. We all learned because we were so different! But we all knew spiritual journeys are hard.

Although I look for a partner that is compatible generally one of the most important things is that they're spiritually awake or just intellectually curious about the divine. If they aren't then a good portion of our date just won't happen because a significant portion of me lives in that experience, and at times those qualities were all that got me through a rocky coming out. Of course by the time "I love you" is spoken the meaning and significance will come from a spiritual context and meaning for me, and the bridge to understanding the context for the other person could be a long one if they're not a believer. The asymmetric spiritual / contextual meaning of "I love you" between believer and non-believer has been, shall we say, a "learning opportunity" for me in the past.

Sorry if I rambled a bit there; it's late here in Seattle but it's such a great topic I wanted to respond right away. I am struck looking back on this that I am very engaged with my spiritual experience; I'm just not very outwardly conventional about it. Come to think of it, my friends don't understand this part of me much either!

Patrick