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I've told my mother. Frustration. I do not know what to do.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Marina1997, Apr 1, 2022.

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  1. Marina1997

    Marina1997
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    Hello, I told my mother that I feel like a boy.
    I've been telling friends and all is well, but when I told my mother, it was a catastrophe, what she told me: how is that going to be, you're 24 years old, that can't be, it has to be when you were little and you never hinted about it. If I were you I wouldn't do treatment, what if it's a phase?. All of this is in my head because you are unwell (more than a year ago I was depressed and also self-harmed) and you want to be a boy because as a girl you have not done well in life. And little more.
    She doesn't want to talk about it, she ignores me and she's like angry, I don't know what to do or say or anything. When I told her, she was like absent she didn't ask me how I felt or anything, literally the word NOTHING.
     
    #1 Marina1997, Apr 1, 2022
  2. Leliana

    Leliana
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    I just want to say congrats on coming out - that's not easy and it takes a lot of courage to tell people. I'm sorry your mother had that reaction. Nobody wants to hear that from their own family. It sounds like you've tried to talk to her but she refuses to listen. I would give her time to think through everything you've told her. Coming out is hard for us and it can be hard for those around us to accept sometimes too. This may have come as a big shock to her and giving her time to process may be important. Let her know that you'll give her space to think about it and that you're there to answer questions when she's ready to talk. I really hope things turn out well for you <3
     
    #2 Leliana, Apr 1, 2022
  3. Marina1997

    Marina1997
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    Thanks!!
    I haven't said anything more to him on the subject. The problem is that my mother never expresses how she feels, she keeps everything to herself, and that means that the subject will never come up again, I know she won't.
     
    #3 Marina1997, Apr 1, 2022
  4. Leliana

    Leliana
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    Sorry to hear that. That definitely doesn't make things easier. I'd still try giving her some time and maybe try approaching the subject again after that. Maybe she will see that you're not going to let her be in denial about this and ignore your coming out. It can take a long time for some parents to accept that their child is gay/trans, unfortunately. Giving her time and then bringing it up again (and repeating if she still refuses to listen), will show her you're serious about this - which I know is something she was worried about (i.e. it being a phase).
     
    #4 Leliana, Apr 1, 2022
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  5. bsg75apollo

    bsg75apollo
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    My "bonus kid" is trans (mtf). Bonus child because she moved in with us because her parents are very conservative and somewhat difficult. Her mom came here from Poland. I have heard very similar comment to yours from both her and her mother. I would imagine that all of us here have gone through periods of depression and anxiety, but our internal conflict of who we really are is the cause not the effect. Maybe you haven't done as well in life as you could, but that is also because you aren't being who you are. That's what might be holding you back. Her mother is slowly coming around. It may be slow, nut it is happening.
     
    #5 bsg75apollo, Apr 1, 2022
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  6. Chip

    Chip
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    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this; parents are supposed to be there for us and be supportive above all else. But parents are humans too, and don't always react ideally.

    When anyone is given new information that's uncomfortable for them, it is difficult. Especially if it is a fundamental, foundational change in someone they are close to. A normal response is going through the stages of loss: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance.

    What you're describing in your mom is denial. That would be completely expected and quite normal. Consider how long you have been living with and thinking about this, and how long it took for you to come to terms with it in yourself. It typically takes a while for a parent to come around as well.

    The best thing you can do is give it time, and simply let her sit with it, and slowly, over time, continue to gently let her know where things are and where they are going for you. In almost all cases, parents come around and are able to be fully loving and supportive to their kids... it just takes a while.
     
    #6 Chip, Apr 2, 2022
  7. Marina1997

    Marina1997
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    I know, thanks. Now my mother acts normal as if she hadn't said anything. I will leave time and space for him to assimilate, plus my sister is with me. I know that my mother is not going to say anything to me so when she wants to talk she can come to me and we will talk.
     
    #7 Marina1997, Apr 3, 2022
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