I've hit rock bottom

If someone is not interested, whatever your feelings are you have to let go and turn the page. Wondering why me, why won't they talk to me but will talk to so and so will only make you even unhappier. Let go and start looking around you for someone who does have feelings for you.

Why would you encomber yourself with such a selfish friend. Friendship is a two way street of give and take. You need to take a long look at yourself and see why you allow your friends to use you like this?

 

Hi there - Look at the bright side: if you have hit the bottom, the only way is up. So things must start getting better.
When I left school, I rapidly found my school friends as rather tedious. We moved in different directions, and - aside from a couple who continued their studies in a similar direction as I did - we really had nothing to talk about aside from gossip of people we used to know. Let them go, time to move on.
You should not be saying in the same post that you have hit rock-bottom and decided to stop your therapy. Can you start it up again? You should be able to tell all this to your therapist, s/he is paid to listen and can ask the questions you need to ask yourself. The idea of a therapist is that you are encouraged to say the things that you do not want to say to others, and possibly not even to yourself. The fact of voicing the issues makes take on more clarity. Please take it up again.
Work is not there to be enjoyed. Sorry about that, but every job I know involves mostly periods of tedium and mind-numbing jobs. The jobs I have enjoyed in my life (I am quite a bit older than you, in fact my son is older than you!) are always jobs were I have managed to make friends. We laughed, we joked, we enjoyed ourselves, notwithstanding the work. I have left jobs because they were too boring and painful, including leaving to earn less money because I could not put up with it. The thing with a job is to remember why you are doing it. What is the level of freedom and financial security you are getting out of it. If you don't like it and want to leave, start looking for something else - but start looking outside your work-hours. Do not give a job because you are tired of it, give up because you truly believe that you have found something better. Particularly in the current financial situation, you need to hang on to what you have.
I will not give you many recommendations on your friendship because I have my own problems there. For me, a friend is someone on whom you truly believe you can count in time of need, and someone who will call upon you when they are in need, knowing that you will be there for them. The two acquaintances you mention - both of whom you have known for a few months - do not appear to fit into that category. You live in NJ, I don't know much about that state, except for the outskirts of NYC, but I would expect that it is a place where you can meet people, and that is what I would recommend.
Keep smiling, even when you don't feel like it: it makes people happy to see someone smile, a few will smile back, and that really feels good.

 

Lots to say here, and I'm gonna go way out of order. First up, therapy.

>>>I recently made the decision to stop going to therapy. It made me feel so uncomfortable being so open with someone like that. And most of my issues can be solved by me I know it.

This is a rather odd statement to make in a post entitled "I hit rock bottom", which ends with "I don't think I can keep it up much longer". It sounds like you could use the therapy now more than ever. You're right - it might easier to say it here than in therapy because we "don't know you". But in essence, your therapist doesn't know you either. Sure, he also gets a face and a name to go along with the problem, but other than that, he's on precisely the same page as we are. And remember - this is what they do. They find out where the problems are, and try to suggest courses of action to make them better. If you're finding it difficult to share your problems with him, perhaps that's the problem that needs to be addressed first. Because there are several ways to deal with it. For instance, simply sitting in a different position where you're not looking straight at the therapist can help a lot. Why not bring this up to him, and see what you can come up with?

Next up, your friends. Or friend, rather. Because I only see one - Jasila. She seems to be somewhat selfish and flighty, but she probably still is your friend.

Iggy seems like classic straight-boy crush, who isn't even much of a friend. When he eventually throws you a couple crumbs - he returns your text, you hang out - your hopes go back up through the roof. "He DOES like me, he's just been really busy, and now we'll spend a lot more time together, and get closer, and maybe..." And then comes another month of unanswered texts and messages, and those hopes get dashed again. If anything, it appears Iggy might be one of those casual acquaintances you see a couple times a year. And that's fine, as long as you can mentally classify him as such. As long as you keep thinking or hoping he'll be something more, it's gonna be painful. You may want to simply take a break from him altogether for awhile, and let your brain "reset".

Then there's Yasmine, who appears to be toxic with a capital T. She seems to offer nothing to your life other than drama and wear'n'tear on your car. The sheer fact that her mother wants you, an 18-year-old, to keep her 20-year-old daughter in check is enough cause for alarm. She's 20. She's done being kept in check. Hopefully, the Air Force will whip her into shape. But whatever she does with her life, make sure you're not part of it. At least until she learns to be something approaching friend-like. As for now, she has nothing to offer you - stop dealing with her already.

So you don't have much in the "friend" department. That's fine - it happens. Go make more. Stop spending your spare time on these less-than-stellar relationships, and spend it making newer, better ones. It's tough after high school, I won't lie. You don't have that "forced interaction" that high school provided. You'll have to go make your own. Jump online and do some searching. "New Jersey (your area) (activity)" You might toss "gay" in there if you're interested in getting some more gay friends. Think about what you might want to do. Bowling league? RPGers? Biking club? Volunteer groups? Night classes at the free/cheap university? Come up with some possibilities, do some searches, check out some websites, make a couple phone calls.

As far as work, that one's a bit tougher without knowing the exact scenario. My gut instinct says stay with it for now. You say it's "consuming your life", but right now, perhaps your life needs some consuming. If you put the focuse there rather than on a couple of these less-than-stellar relationships, I have a feeling you'll come out ahead.

Good luck.

Lex

 

There's the problem, I think. Jalisa has her boyfriend, and whenever someone starts dating, "friend time" gets cut - sometimes a lot. That's just how it is. So you're stuck with Iggy or Yasmine, both of whom are "friends" in name only. In that myspace sort of way. That's fine - it happens. I've moved to new towns and had to start from scratch myself. So I'd suggest two things.

1. Start liking yourself some more. Enjoy your alone time. To this day, I love my alone time, because I love my own company. No, I don't want to be alone all the time, and yes, I love my partner and friends something silly. But I do love my alone time, as well. And I think it's because I like me a lot. I like my stupid way of seeing things, and I embrace the dumb things I like doing. Perhaps you can, too, and then your alone time won't seem like such a curse.

2. As I suggested above, get proactive. Friends don't fall in your lap after high school - you gotta go somewhere where people are, and actively get to know people. It'll feel weird and uncomfortable at first - every new thing does - but you'll get the hang of it.

Lex

 

Who are these enemies? And why are they still in your life? Unless they're co-workers, you don't have to deal with them. So don't. If the people you hang out with aren't friends, and aren't likely to become better friends, then just cut them loose. Better no friends than a couple lousy ones.

So you have a lot of alone time. That's cool - it's a resource. Use it wisely. Get a ton of books out of the library and read up on things that interest you. Rent some exercise or yoga DVDs and work on your body a bit. Do some research online. Google "(activity) (your city)" and see if there's some fun stuff you can get involved in - volleyball, biking clubs, volunteer groups, cheap classes. Meet some new people and develop some new, better relationships. Start moving forward.

Lex

 

When everything else seems messed up, why drop the therapy?!? If you're not finding your therapist helpful, get another one. Because they ARE there to help you figure out where to start. Honestly - I don't think ANYONE is capable of dealing with all of their own problems - as you suggest you are. It's not a sign of weakness to see a therapist.

But again, if the one you're seeing doesnt seem helpful, try another one.

Good luck.