Hi everyone. it's been a long time since i was last on here. mainly through lack of internet access. anyway, i really need some advice. I sent a valentines card to my crush with a letter and a poem that i wrote. i was so careful to make it anonymous. i typed up the letter and the poem so that she wouldn't know who it was from. i delivered it very late at night so that no-one would see me delivering it. but somehow she figured it out. she texted me saying "did you send me a valentines card?" i texted back saying 'no, why?' and she hasn't spoken to me since. she's also removed me as a friend on facebook so i know she's fallen out with me. i just feel so stupid for sending it. i never thought she would figure it out, but she did. so now i've just thrown 3 years of friendship down the drain because i was stupid enough to tell her how i feel. i haven't tried to contact her since i last texted her. what does everyone think about this? shall i come clean and lay my cards on the table? or should i keep denying it was me who sent the card and try to see if i can convince her it wasn't me? i would really appreciate any help and opinions on this. thanks.
Hi again! I'm really sorry to hear about this. I was going to say that it's only been a few days, but if she's removed you from her friends on facebook, that's a problem. I take it she's not gay herself? Were you out to her already? I would suggest that you contact her - perhaps by email or something - and I personally would admit to having sent it, but obviously it's your decision. I think that if you deny having sent it, she may well not believe you, and even if you were to become friends again after that it would probably be uncomfortable. It may be that she needs time, and that she'll come round, but on the other hand she might not - but I think you should email or phone her and talk to her. I personally would admit it, and just be like, let's try and get to normal or whatever... but I don't know how much you think your confirmation of it might exacerbate the situation. But to be honest, it sounds as though she knows or is pretty sure it's you, in which case it's possible you'll make things worse. Sorry I can't actually help, but these are my thoughts. I'm really sorry this has worked out like this for you. I hope you're OK *hugs*
Why did you send it, if you didn't want her to know who it came from, and you were going to deny it if asked? Lex
I personally think you should tell her. If you want to solve the problem, the first step is gonna be coming clean about it. If she already knows it was you, lying isn't going to get you anywhere, the truth is. From experience, she probably needs some distance right now though. Tell her if and when she's ready to talk about it, you'll be there.
If what you say is true, and she's deleted you from facebook and alienated you/not spoken to you, she already knows. And if this is her reaction then do you really want to talk to her? If you want to talk to her, be honest - tell her everything. She already knows. What more can you lose? Kaleb.
Hi, thanks for everyone's replies. first of all to lex. i sent it anonymously and i honestly thought she wouldn't figure it out. i do feel stupid for doing it now. i think part of me sending it is the fact that recently i feel suffocated in the closet but i am still scared of what people's reactions will be. she's also going back to australia in march and this time she's planning on staying there. i think that was another reason why i sent it. to ccdd. no, she's straight. i always new that she wouldn't feel the same way. and i wasn't out to her although i think she has suspected for a while. i'm really regretting sending her the card now. one question that's in my mind now is: if i told her i was bi, instead of telling her i have feelings for her, would she still ditch me as a friend? i do understand why she's not speaking to me. it would freak a lot of people out if somebody sent them a love letter with a poem. the worst thing is i laid out all of my feelings and i'm aware that it might be too much to handle reading things like 'i think you're perfect, i love you. i respect you etc' the valentines i sent was way too full on; but i thought i could get away with sending it anonymously. i think i'm alright now, kind of. my best friend was there for me. thanks for the hug. i just feel so stupid for ruining a really good friendship. to mcrteenagers and Roxas101. i think you're right about being honest. it already looks like i've lost her friendship and she obviously didn't beleive me when i denied it by text otherwise she wouldn't have removed me off facebook. i think what i want to say to her now is: i know why you're not speaking to me, and i don't blame you. i just want to apologise for ruining our friendship and i'm sorry if i've upset you. i know the card was way too much for you to handle but i didn't think you'd work out it was me. i thought that it'd make you feel good to think that you had a secret admirer. if i knew you'd figure it out i wouldn't have sent it. our friendship is really important to me and i would never ever cross the line and try anything with you. i can understand why you're freaked out and if you don't want to speak to me again, that's fine. i won't ever contact you again. if you think that you can forget about what happened and go back to being mates then we could pretend like nothing happened. obviously it's going to be on your mind a lot and i appreciate that this is difficult for you to deal with. if you want to hate me, that's ok. i'd appreciate it if you didn't broadcast the letter i sent you to everyone, but that's your decision. i just want you to answer me one question. then i won't bother you again. if i told you i was bisexual, rather than telling you i have feelings for you; would you still be my friend? Again, i just want to say sorry. i'm sorry i destroyed our friendship.
I asked you why you did it not to rub your face in it, really, but hopefully to make you think about your motivations some more. Because situations like this are going to come up again, and you're going to want to make the right moves. So let me break it down for you. Anonymous poems/letters/cards are cute in the realm of fiction. There's that "aww, I've got a secret admirer" feeling, idle thoughts about who it might be, and then, upon the "great reveal", a surprised squeal and a hug. And, absolutely ideally, this is how it goes in real life, too. But more often than not, reality isn't quite as fun. Depending on how the letter/card is phrased, it can feel less like "aww, I've got a secret admirer" ("I think you're great") and more like "I've got a stalker" ("you consume my every thought"). No, I'm not saying this happened here, but it might have. Secondly, those idle thoughts as to who it might be might not be so idle. It might cease being "wonder who it was" and become "OK, who the hell sent this to me?" And thirdly, as is certainly the case here, she doesn't feel the same way about you. If I had someone I considered a friend send me a definite valentine (of the "I love you" variety), I'd be at a loss for words. I'd have to do that "Great, Sarah likes me. Like THAT. She does know I don't like her like that, too, right? Or do I have to tell her that? Would it be mean to confront her? Would that destroy her? Should I not say anything, and pretend I don't know who it's from?" ...see how screwy this can get? I'm not arguing against ever contacting crushes. Or sending them valentines. Or even sending them anonymous notes. But it's gotta be done with full and complete knowledge of how it'll affect your crush. Yeah, having an unrequited crush sucks. But there's no reason to take it out on the crush. S/he didn't do anything. So next time you're there, proceed cautiously. Think every step of how they might react. Keep things low-key and friendly - "Just wanted to say I think you're great" - instead of emotional and melodramatic - "You walk in my soul". And if confronted, own up. OK, that's for next time. What about this time? Contacting her again is a good idea. But again, I think the note above has the same problems as your valentine - too emotional. Bring it down. You want to remain friends, so keep it friendly. Yeah, it was me who sent the valentine. I thought it'd be a good way to get some things off my chest, and I thought you'd enjoy having a secret admirer, too. But I obviously didn't think enough about how you'd react to it. I kinda went over the top on it, and to make matters worse, I didn't own up to it when you asked. I'm really sorry about that. Do know that I TOTALLY understand that these feelings aren't returned, and I'm TOTALLY cool with that. I think you're a great friend, and I'm gonna be bummed when you leave next month. Hope we can stay in touch. Lex
yeahhh i agree with lex just say it was you and you understand if she doesnt feel the same way and that you can accept that, and if she wants to ruin a friendship because you told her how you felt, thats not a very great friend. about 2 months ago i told my friend i liked her and she started to ignore me too right? so we didnt talk for about 2 weeks and then she called me and asked me how i was doing and everything and then we started talking again about once every 3 days or so. Then we wer put in eachothers dance class and its like we are bestfriends again just give her sometime i guess, she may just be in shock.
>>>if she wants to ruin a friendship because you told her how you felt, thats not a very great friend Nononono. Don't try to guilt-trip someone into being/remaining your friend. Let them come to the right decision themselves. Lex
Hi again. i just wanted to say again, thank you so much for your replies and for helping me out with this problem. To lex: i know you weren't rubbing my face in anything when you asked me why i sent the card. looking back now, i think i was very naiive to think that she would think that it was a nice gesture rather than 'who the hell sent this?' i knew that things would be weird between us if she knew how i felt, which is why i attempted to do it anonymously. i thought that i could tell her without telling her and looking back it was a mistake but on the positive side all i can do now is learn from my mistake and move on. thanks for the note that you suggested i should say to her. i think that says everything without putting too much pressure on her and it's not too emotional. i really appreciate your advice and i do think that you're right. at the moment, i haven't actually tried to contact her yet. i've left it for about a week. that way, i've had a chance to calm down, and she's had time to get over the shock. Thank you to SmileItsNicole too. I'm glad that your friend started talking to you again. i hope the same thing happens with me. i think i might leave it another few days before i try to speak to her. again, thanks for your advice.
ah... your situation is bad ;; but from what i see here is that she asked you and you said no and then she deleted you from her facebook judging from this i guess she saw you some how or her mom/dad saw you from the window.. so i would advice you to comeout to her only and tell her that your sorry and tell her that things are pressuring you. i guess this is the most better way to do after what happened. hope my advice will help
Hi hikikomori109, thanks for your reply. I haven't quite decided what to say to her. i'm definatley gonna try and talk to her, i'm gonna see if i can salvage our friendship if possible. i have no idea where to start though. i mean, i don't even know how she figured out it was me or just how freaked out she is. all i know is that my other friend (who happens to be her best friend) is still speaking to me, so i'm guessing that she doesn't know. or she does but is being a good friend to me. i've already had to get used to not speaking to my crush, so i might aswell be honest with her now. i just have no idea of where or how to start a conversation. whether to ring, or text or send an email. maybe an email would be best then she can read what i have to say and she doesn't have to physically speak to me. it's just that right now, i have no idea what she thinks of me. so i really have no clue as to where to start a conversation. any thoughts would be very much appreciated.
