Im Bill in OHio. I am very, very new here. I am 54 married with a wonderful wife. I finally came to terms with be bisexual a few years ago. I couldn't keep my gender identity from my wife anymore. I finally just told her that I was as attracted to women as I am men. I showed her a soft porn DVD the other evening, before I came out to her. She saw how turned on I became watching the movie and she never batted an eye. My wife isn't one to discuss sex much, unless we are in the bedroom. So this is where I told her that I am bi. Obviously she had a few questions and was afraid that I was going to leave her. I put my answer into perspective and told her that I haven't left her for a woman either. LOL My biggest concern at this point is she is very accepting of my bisexuality, in which I am very grateful for. However, she hasn't said much more about it. I don't know if she is still in the accepting stage, or "silence is not golden" in her case. Is this usual for a spouse to be this way, or is there more thoughts that my wife is having and not sharing them with me?
Hi Bill, are you able to ask her directly what she thinks about you being bisexual. If you want to have a discussion with her about your sexuality maybe it is for you to start talking to her. She may be waiting for you to start the conversation. If she does want to talk about how she feels about your sexuality try to be understanding of her feelings even if they are not what you want to hear. Good luck, hope all goes well for you. Molly x
Thanks for the advice. We have openly talked about my bisexuality. She says she is okay with it. I really appreciate how she feels about who and what I am. The problem is, she only talks about it when I bring it up. I wish she would voluntarily bring up the topic too.
We had another long talk about my bisexuality. I was very specific about my attraction to me. And how I enjoy looking at men, whether it is in the media or in public. My wife also understands that I would like to talk about men and how it is so important to discuss my attractions and my gender identity. Her biggest fear is that I might leave her for a man in a few years. I did my best to explain that since I am bisexual, I could have left her for a woman just as easily. I think she is starting to understand that attraction doesn't mean that I am leaving her. I turned the tables around on her and said she could leave me for a man just as easily. The bottom line is, we are both monogamous and dedicated to ourselves and our marriage.
Hi Bill and welcome to EC. You want your wife to be open to talking about your bisexuality (which I would refer to as your sexual orientation, not your gender identity - they are two different things) but what is it that you want to talk about. When you've brought it up, she raises her concerns that you'll leave her for a man or be unfaithful (which is a common fear of a spouse when given this kind of information) and you've assured her that you won't. So what is it that you do want to talk about? Do you want to be able to comment on how sexy other men are in her presence? Do you want to watch bisexual porn with her? Maybe you need to be more clear with her what you need and why you are sharing this with her. It might put her fears to rest.
Hi Bill and welcome to EC. To tell the truth, I don't know what you want to talk about. You are both monogamous and you want to stay with each other. I understand that you kept it a secret and now you want to shout it from the rooftops but I don't think your wife has a reason to bring it up or to discuss it.
