My single mother has raised me for a while..but, there's a lot of things I had to fight for, just to feel human in that house..it's not even the trans thing, or the brief lesbian thing, or the bi thing..it's just life in general.. everytime I tried to do something that made me happy, music, skateboarding, dating, having friends, being prideful of myself as a trans man..she'd make up some rule, or paranoid opinion as to why I wasn't "allowed" to do it, and such extreme limitations that it got to the point that I'm depressed all the time, lonely, I have no self worth or respect for myself and my opinions/what I want, and I didn't even want it anymore, even though it made me happy. Is this a destructive relationship? Maybe she's being reasonable and I'm just being an oversensitive teenager. But, I've talked to a lot of other teenagers..and they all have more loving, happy families/parents..I'm honestly jealous.... She can't accept me as trans..I know one day she could me her son if, I asked so that I wouldn't get offended, that she could maybe use my proper name and pronouns. But, she won't ever really respect me as a man, and she would only give me a pity standing up for me. Such as saying "Oh, hey, if they want to become a man let them. Don't be rude." Rather than expressing pride at my bravery, like my best friend and even my teacher do. I know what kind of person she is and that will not change. If, she can't respect me as a man, how could I allow her to be around my adopted child, or even my husband? She would confuse my child and upset my husband. Even more so, how can she be apart of my life? I want to live my life as stealth, but I can't, if she visits me. Should she even know where I live? I'll be living in my home state for a while, then moving to Seattle. Should she know where either home is? Should I move out immediately? As soon as I can? I could move out when I'm 19. I'm fixing to be 18, right now. Honestly..it feels like my life doesn't start until I'm out of that house and her control on me.. She keeps talking about how she is a good mother, and I had a good life. But, she doesn't know all the other things the bad things that happened. One incident she does know of, but still believes my life has been good. She's not wrong..she has been kind and loving, even supportive at times..it's just..all the things I've missed out on and the shame she puts on me when I'm comfortable and being proud of myself..she attempts to make me want to change the way I talk, act, dress, behave..I have become an introvert, a mute, a quiet person who can't even speak their mind, bcuz I accepted that no one, her especially, cares about what I have to say..and that's..that's not me..it never was..I'm the complete opposite..
