Hi everyone. I'm new here and maybe someone will find this post funny, but I'm asking for advice/opinions and I will appreciate every single one. So here's the thing. This summer I've met a girl around my age (I'm 22) who lives in my area. One day I was walking my dog and so did she, we met in park nearby. I already saw here few times in past years so I knew she existed, but this year we talked for the first time. We mostly talked about our dogs. We met about 3 times this summer and she seemed like a very nice girl. And then it hit me. I couldn't stop thinking of her and her beautiful smile. I don't know why and this bothers me now, but we didn't introduce ourselves. I didn't know her name until today I randomly found her on Facebook. I guess I just had luck So I checked her profile, but didn't see almost nothing because she has most of things on private (just two pictures) Then I checked her liked pages and saw that she likes Ellen DeGeneres and Orange is the new black and some page that supports adoption for same sex partners. Maybe I am too excited but this are good signs that she might be bi or lesbian, right? I mean, I don't know any straight person that watches OITNB or even know this series. What do you think? I didn't add her on fb yet because I want to meet her one more time to ask her what her name is because I don't want it to look weird just by adding her on fb randomly. But I didn't meet her for more than a week now and I am afraid I won't see her in next few days because soom she will go to college which is around 2 hours away from me. I don't know what to do. Should I wait to meet her and in the meantime she might move because of college or should I add her and start conversation online and see how it goes?
I rarely meet anyone who isnt LGBT who watches OITNB. I'm too shy to just add people so I would probably just go on dog walks CONSTANTLY hoping to run into her haha! You should add her on FB, especially since it does that creepy thing where it tracks your location and suggests people you've been near. That's probably why she popped up in the first place, if you guys hung out for a while. Oof I'm already nervous giving that advice though! Good luck deciding what to do, thats a tough one. (But she totally sounds gay to me).
If there's only little chance that you'll see her again, it might be good to add her. Message her after adding her and say, hey and saw her randomly that's why you added?
I would just add her and include a little message saying something friendly like, "Just wanted to add you because I've enjoyed running into you. Maybe we can do it again sometime." That way neither of you feel awkward. I am sure she'd be happy to get that from you. And I agree she sounds queer.
Update: I added her on fb last Friday. I almost lost hope because she didn’t accept my request till Monday and I was so happy when she finally did. But as shy as I am I didn’t write her a message. I wrote that it was nice talking to her and if she maybe wants to go for a walk with me sometimes, just like Love4ever suggested. But I couldn’t click “send”. I am so afraid of her reply. What if she says no or nothing at all, how akward will be when I see her next time. But I also know that time flies and she will go to college soon (in just one or two weeks) and I might miss my chance. Damn it, I have to find courage and send her that message or I might be asking myself what would’ve happen if I sent her that..
You need to! I had to send a really hard message recently to my mom coming out. I just made myself hit send before I even had time to talk myself out of it. And I am SO glad I did. Sometimes the important things aren't easy, but she sounds worth it. Basically whenever I am scared I focus on the regret I'd feel if I let the opportunity pass me by.
I am so happy for you, because I know how hard it was for me to come out to my family. And by the way, I sent her message! I asked her if maybe she wants to go for a walk with me sometimes and she said: “Yes, sure.” I am so happy now. (Probably too happy because this still doesn’t mean that she is into girls, she can just be friendly and wants to hang out.) But I will see how it goes. Thank you for encouraging me
We went for a walk together! This weekend and it was nice. And what is the best part, my friend who is also her good friend told me that she is gay (or bi, she wasn’t sure)! Oh my, I can’t believe that this is really happening. This is such a luck! I mean this city of ours is so small (only around 1300 people live here) and she is gay and she kind of shows interest in me since she said: “Next time we can go for a walk to one cool place which is not so far away.” Omg so there will be next time. I am so happy, because when I first saw her I didn’ even imagine that she might like girls. But now I now she does. I know that this whole thing still doesn’t mean that she likes me back in same way, I mean she can just see me as a friend. But time will show. I hope it works out.
This is awesome! Well done in sending the message, it just shows it’s worth taking a chance sometimes It’s funny as I do know some straight people who watch OITNB but it makes me wonder about them...lol. I’m Bi but not out to everyone so I wonder if me saying I watch it makes people wonder about me...haha.
Here are some news if I can call them news, because it really didn’t happen much since last time I’ve posted. So about two weeks after that walk I’ve bumped into her in the same place we’ve first met. Actually I was there on some kind of small half island with my two dogs and some really annoying elder guy with a dog who always wants to join me at walk if we meet. Suddenly she came with her dog, then we were there for about 20 minutes. The dogs were playing and this guy annoyed her with some questions about her school, life... I was quiet most of the time, few times she tried to include me in conversation. I wasn’t this comfortable because he was around. Lol I’ve waited to bump into her for so long then that guy won’t even shut up or leave haha. When it started to get dark, we all went home. I texted her on messenger: “Thanks for saving me from that annoying man earlier haha”. She laughed and agreed that he was weird. About 2 weeks later I asked her if she wants to go to a concert with me that was in our town. She replied that she unfortunately can’t go because she has to study a lot for exam, but she also said that she would love to go to a concert if there will be any chance. Last weekend I’ve met her at the walk again. We talked a little than she had to go study again. She said that shw is sorry because she can’t hang out with me but she is really busy lately. I really can’t get of my mind, I fell for her so hard. But I still don’t know how she feels. Sometimes I think that she probably doesn’t like me back because she never makes an effort to see me, she never texts first or anything. On the other hand she always says that she would love to go there and there next time, because she hasn’t much time now. I know she probably really doesn’t since she is studying medicine. But I am little bit confused, I admit. It is more than two months since I first texted her and we’ve only been on one walk since then. I was thinking that maybe I’ll invite her to the movies somewhere around Christmas holidays and see how it goes. If she will go or what. I don’t know, if this is good idea or it will look annoying since it’s always me starting a conversation on messenger. I’d really like to see if there is worth waiting or it is time to move on with my life. What do you think about all that? *sorry for long post
Hi @Sara1234 , If she’s studying medicine, that really does take up a lot of time but I don’t think you have to necessarily give up on her. Are you close enough to her, geographically, that you could spontaneously go for a dog walk if she texted you when she was going? You could tell her you’d like to do something with her but realize her schedule is packed but if small openings free up, you like to meet up for a walk or something more if her time permits. I think if you suggest get togethers that don’t require too much forethought on her part - because who knows when her work might run over time - but something easy to commit to like a dog walk which she’s already doing or perhaps you popping over with coffee and a treat for a break in her studies if she tells you that could work. A Xmas movie might work but depending on her workload, she may be required to study through the holidays so don’t take it personally. Let us know how it goes! Good luck!
I’ve told her that I like her. I just couldn’t wait and constantly ask myself how does she feel about me, it was driving me crazy. So I sent her a message. I wrote that I started to like her and that I don’t even know for sure if she is into girls. I also said I hope this isn’t too awkward but I just don’t want to ask myself “what if” all the time. Her reply wasn’t what I expected at all. But sadly not in a good way. She said that I am right, that she likes girls too, but she is currently in a relationship and that unfortunately it isn’t the right time. She also added that she would do the same (tell about the feelings) if she was me. At the end she said: “ I will be at home for a while now (otherwise she studies away) so see you around) So you can imagine I didn’t see that coming. She wasn’t even single, as I stupidly asumed all the time. And what confused me (and it still does, two months later) are these words she chose.”Currently in the relationship and unfortunately it isn’t the right time”. I mean I would’t exactly reply like that if I was happily in relationship with someone I love. Idk, my few friends thought the same when I told them. Few days after that conversation we met at the walk. I felt awkward and it looked like she did kinda too. We were talking, but not even a word about that messenger conversation. And now in a two months I haven’t seen her around. Altough she was there walking her dog the same time almost every weekend before I told her. I can’t get off this feeling, that she isn’t happy with whoever she is and that she might like me as well so she started avoiding me. I know this isn’t my problem and I should forget her. My oddly good intuiton which has turned to be right many times isn’t kinda helping me this time lol. Anyway, I have to move on, i just updated you as you asked.
Aww I felt your pain as I read this. Although what happened to you is probably more painful than what happened to me, this reminded me strongly of what happened to me with the girl I like. At first I wasn't sure if she was straight or not because I got the vibe she might be gay but I didn't want to assume. Then I found out she was bi and I tried to get the courage to ask her out. We got to be closer friends and I sort of thought she was into me. I was so filled with hope!! It was hard to tell if she was interested in me or just being nice. But I gathered all my nerve and planned to ask her out on a date, which I had never done to anyone before. Well, like you, my intuition was very wrong. Literally minutes before I was gonna ask her, she mentioned having a girlfriend. I was shocked, I honestly don't know how I kept it together. She had never once mentioned her girlfriend, so like you, I found myself questioning if they were even happy. But I tried to be happy for her. We became closer friends over the next couple months and then she broke up with her girlfriend right when I was almost over her. I've liked her since but she hasn't been initiating conversation that much with me lately (although we are both busy). I don't know if she liked me at any point, but I'm exhausted of doing the "what-if", hypothesizing, and not knowing. I'm telling her I like her in the coming days, fully expecting her to say she does not feel the same. I just need to hear her say she doesn't like me so I can move on for good and not wonder what could have been. I'm sorry you received this disappointing response. It is frustrating when I'm too shy to be the one to initiate, or share my feelings, but then the other person is also unclear with hers. However, you should be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there and asking! It takes guts and even if it doesn't work out, it's good to take chances. You will find someone amazing, you deserve it
