Is my husband gay.

Hey I think perhaps therapy is a good thing but maybe to start with just your husband on his own should see a therapist specialising in LGBT stuff. I say this because you want honesty and you 100% deserve it but potentially your husband doesn't actually know all of the answers to your questions.
What he did was wrong, it doesn't matter if he is gay, bi or whatever it doesn't make cheating ok. It might also be worth you seeing a therapist, what you have discovered is no easy thing to go through either, you need to decide what you are ok with and what you are not, and it's ok to not be ok with things.

 

First, stop having sex with him and get tested for STDs/STIs. Men who have sex with other men are at high risk for getting sexually transmitted diseases and by proxy, this makes you at risk too.

Secondly, if he can't be faithful he can't be trusted. The risk is too high in my opinion to keep the relationship going.

 

No rant away it will probably help.

That's why he needs to figure out exactly what he is and what he wants. Since you initially told him that you knew have you spoken about it? Telling him that you would want it to work out but you don't want him to live an unhappy life and so if he can't be with you and be happy then you would rather part as friends might be something he would really want to hear.

 

My reasons were simple, I just wanted some oral sex without compromise and all the drama to meet someone, and that's the hard part to explain, I think right now you must have a lot of questions and all the answers he can give will not be enough even if he is telling you the truth (believe me I know), going to therapy was good it give the reassurance that we needed to move on. But very important his communication, it will be hard in the beginning but you guys need to do it, talk about the therapy sessions how was it, what did you feel etc... Talk about what happen during the day, different stuff it my sound foolish but the reason is to reconnect with each other and be able to build what was lost (trust). Create rules that he needs to follow so you feel comfortable and that will show you how committed he truly is.

 

Hi Ssc1:

Joe Kort, a psychotherapist who works a lot with couples experiencing what you are going through has a book called "Is My Husband Gay, Straight or Bi?" which might be helpful to you.