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Is it worth it being with my boyfriend?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by confuseduser99, Mar 20, 2015.

  1. confuseduser99

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    I LOVE him. We get along so well. We're very similar, yet have enough differences to make it interesting, but I'm having a hard time in the relationship. He's SUPER busy, while I'm not. He has school + work BOTH full-time, whereas I just have school. We only see each other once a week. We weren't even able to be intimate this week (just got back from our dinner). PLUS, he's moving to another city come September for school, and I COULD be moving to another city (possibly on the other side of the country) come May.

    He's the only one I've got where I live right now. Again, I LOVE him. And he loves me. We talked about making the long distance work, but I don't know if it will. I can hardly survive only being with him once a week. But a part of me also feels that this is temporary since i've got so much spare time on my hands right now (I'm currently unemployed, but that will hopefully be changing soon).

    Is it worth being in this relationship? I'm so stressed out about this all. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to just let things keep going and see how it works, but a part of me feels like I should end it (that holding on will kill me if/when we break up. It'll feel like I held myself back for him for no reason). HELP!!!!
     
  2. IG88

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    Oh hey! Didn't know you had a bf, good for you!

    I think you should try the long distance and see where it goes. Don't try and break it off without giving it a chance.

    However, the fact that you're considering breaking up tells me that you two aren't absolutely crazy about each other. I would be wary about that kind of relationship, and how long it would last. In fact, I would prepare for if he or you found someone new in your respective cities. Would you be ok if he started to be friendly with a guy in his city that's not you? And vice versa. That's something to prepare for, or it could work or you can break it off now. But I would try to maintain the relationship first.
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    Some people will tell you that long distance relationships cannot work, others will tell you that they can. Personally, I think it depends on a number of factors and the level of commitment that both people make to the relationship.

    Whether your relationship is long distance, or short distance, it will require time, energy and commitment to make it viable. If one person is giving it everything and the other is pretty much living a separate, independent life, it's going to create a lot of tension and ill feeling. Relationships need time, so if you have a very intense job or study schedule, you do need to ask yourself if you can give a relationship what it really needs.

    Some years ago I dated a guy who was a workaholic. He would work every day from 8am to 8pm and it was so limiting to our relationship. In our case, intimacy was the only thing that we shared, because he was too tired for conversation or going out. I tolerated it for a while in the hope he would change, but I eventually came to the conclusion that it was getting worse, rather than better. My feelings for him hadn't changed, but the lack of effort and commitment on his part became a deal breaker for me. It wasn't just an occasional thing, but a daily thing and I was unable to accept that. Maybe you are thinking along the same lines?

    It sounds like he is struggling to find time now, even though you are in the same city and it's clearly raising doubts in your mind. I can't help but think that the doubts would intensify if he moves away and you still have little contact time.

    What do you want from a relationship? This is the most important question to ask yourself and be guided by the answer.
     
  4. musicman1982

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    Hi confuseduser99!

    From the sounds of what you are saying your strongest feeling is to try and make it work, which is great. For some couples they do, do the long distance thing and it does work. But your feelings knowing whether it will work or not is understandable. Depending on both of your own individual commitments, such as school and work. I would say those are the more important things, if you decide over time that you are leaning towards your relationship not working out, because of both of your situations, I'd say your friendship with your boyfriend is more important. Because if you still want him around when you are long distance any friendship is more valuable then a relationship that is struggling to being together.

    But if both of your commitments allow you both to try and work it out, then that's great. But, if you and I don't know if he might feel this that it's a struggle and the relationship feels different the friendship connection to your boyfriend is more important then trying to make a long distance relationship thing work. I'm not saying to give up on the first hurdle NO WAY!! But over time, if it is (as you said) killing you and maybe him, it's probably best to seperate and concentrate on school and work.

    Who knows, IF!! you do seperate or as Gwenyth Paltrow would put it as 'unconcious uncoupling'. you might 'consciously couple' again. I hope this helps?