Is it possible to be sexually lesbian, but romantically bisexual?

So what kinds of things do you read or see online that turn you on and make you want to have sex with a guy? Do they have to do with men? Or women?

I think it's fine to not *always* want sex when your partner does, I mean, it's even a common sitcom trope that the wife never wants to do it when the husband is aching for it. But you've just said yourself that you have a "general aversion to sexual intimacy with men."

As my friend keeps reminding me, sexuality is more complicated than most people will admit, and it's complicated for pretty much everyone. I think you may need to spend some time examining your feelings toward men as well as your feelings toward sex with men (ie feeling objectified), as it sounds like you have some hangups that are outside of your attraction or lack of attraction, as well, and sorting those out might help you see things a bit more clearly. Maybe you are a lesbian who has had a few "exceptions," maybe you're bi with a very strong preference for women.

If you find you aren't genuinely attracted to men sexually that doesn't have to invalidate your emotional feelings toward them. That's something I've been working to accept, myself. You can still have close friendships with men without sex coming into play. And if you find you don't actually want sex with men then you'll likely be happier with those relationships, too.

It's a puzzler to me, too, which is why I feel ok for now considering myself a "biromantic lesbian," and acknowledge that that may or may not change in the future for me. There are a lot of women who married men and later discovered they were gay, and I don't think that necessarily invalidates their feelings for their ex husbands, either. I do think emotional attraction and physical attraction are different things, though obviously things are best when you have the two together. I am not sure if they need to be made into separate orientations, but I suppose it can help when trying to come to terms with feelings that are a little more complicated. While I'm still trying to feel things out for myself, I think that for many people it comes down to choosing the label that seems the most practical and honest for yourself. There are probably many variations of people who fit under each umbrella, as sexuality is not always incredibly straightforward.

As for the tickling thing.. sorry, I'm not sure what to say there, haha.

 

The things that make me want to have sex with my male partner that I see online or read or something are sexual actions that can be performed by either sex, really. (Like touching my breasts or something). With men though, I generally have no desire to touch them back in any specific way or any way at all, but with women I feel a desire to do so back to them. So, it could have to do with men or women, but my desire to reciprocate lies really with women.

Do you think there exists a dividing line between a biromantic lesbian and a bisexual with a strong preference for women? Like is there a concrete distinction between the two, or do you feel that it's really more about how an individual chooses to label themselves? If there exists a distinction, (in your eyes), what is it?

Say I decide to label myself as a bisexual with a strong preference for women. I'm afraid that people will assume that I am fully gay and simply not out of the closet yet. And let's also assume the other way, and say that I decide to label myself as a biromantic lesbian. In that case, I'm worried that people will assert that I'm not "truly" a lesbian if I have feelings for men. Have you faced anything like that? Is that a concern of yours? I know that what people think of your orientation is not your problem, that's on them if they choose to relabel you to better fit their understanding (or lack there of) of the world, but it's not something I'd want to put myself through if I can avoid it. Thoughts?

 

There are bisexual women that have a preference for men I don't see why a bisexual woman that's into women more is seen as a full lesbian and not bi at all since she likes men too
Plus bi romantic lesbian means your only romantically attracted to men but not sexually but your only into women both sexually and romantically . So that probably might work for you
Maybe your just in the bargaining phase of coming into realization of your sexuality

 

What you said is me all over! This is what leaves me confused over eveeeerything. Sexually women are the thing that get me going. Men, don't. I can look at a few men and think mm you're nice wink wink. But really not that many compared to women I look at. And still even then - its more of a case of woah, you're a gorgeous man..I would kiss you. Not a case of "my god I want to rip your clothes off, right here right now"

Yet all at the same time, I feel more comfortable in a relationship with a man (saying that I've only ever had 1 relationship with a girl which didn't last very long seen as it was my stage of denial), I feel safer with a man, I loove to cuddle a man. But sexually...although I do do it, its not as satisfying for me as it would be with a woman. It doesn't get the sexual tiger out in me. Its more like "mer okay then" than god yeah!

 

Well, to me I wouldn't consider "biromantic lesbian" an "official" label, mainly because most people would not know what you are talking about. I use the term here when discussing things like this because it helps to clarify certain things, but overall I consider myself likely to be lesbian for simplicity's sake. The division between a biromantic lesbian and bisexual with a strong preference for women would be that a biromantic lesbian desires and enjoys romantic relationships with either gender, but desires sex only from women. A bisexual with a strong preference for women would want a romantic AND sexual relationship with either gender, but generally finds themselves more attracted to females than males.

Personally, if asked I'd just say I'm a lesbian or I'm gay rather than biromantic lesbian because it is likely to just confuse people. Most people don't know that terminology. I also want to clarify that I'm not out and I'm also still trying to feel secure in my orientation and label, so I may not be the best person to answer a question like this, but I can give you my take.

I do worry about people misconstruing my meaning, I worry that I'm not "gay enough" to be considered a lesbian, but that I'm "too gay" to be genuinely bisexual. I feel like I'm in this muddy area between the two. I do think that things may continue to become clearer to me with time and insight, however, and I may find myself in one "camp" or the other. It may be the case for you, as well. The way I view labels, though, is that if you are kind of straddling the line like this I would choose the label that best expresses who you think you want to have relations with (be it casual sex, dating, or committed relationship). So for me, at least at this point, I don't really see myself being with a guy, so I chose "lesbian." If you DO see yourself still being with both men and women you could call yourself bisexual. If you see yourself being only with women, lesbian might fit better. But, these are questions you have to ask yourself.

 

That sounds very much like me. So then, how do you label yourself? I know that you label yourself on the site as bisexual, but are there any complexities to your label?

---------- Post added 30th Jul 2014 at 10:26 AM ----------

I suppose I will only be able to "properly" label myself once I have tried a few times with women and have analyzed how I felt about it. I definitely feel like I'm in that "muddy" area as well. If I find being with women way better for me and more comfortable, I will probably label myself as a lesbian, but it is also very possible that my feelings for men and women are somewhat equal (although probably with a sexual preference for women), in which case I will label myself as bisexual. For the time being, I think I will label myself as bisexual just so I don't jump the gun on something that might not be what I really am. Thanks so much for all your help.