I have bought a very expensive gift for a friend to go to a sports event that she couldn't afford to go to, so I bought tickets for the two of us for her birthday, in total £200. Although we are very good friends, she is aware that I have an reciprocated crush on her, and I'm worried she might think I'm trying to buy her affection or something. This isn't my intention, I just genuinely want her to be able to go to the event she wants but can't afford. Our financial situations are extremely different, so I know she could never afford to return the favour and I don't expect her to, I just don't want her to feel bad.... Should I sell the tickets? The event is sold out now so it would've been a once in a lifetime opportunity for her... I don't know if she'll be happy or annoyed I spent too much
Don't sell the tickets, use them like you intended. As someone with a great deal of experience doing exactly this, buying things for friends they couldn't afford so they could have fun with me, you just have to be careful who you do it for. I'd say out of probably 200ish people I've done it for in retrospect only like 10 took it as intended and the rest just began seeing me as a source of free stuff. With the right people, it can be fun, but with the wrong people you get used very fast.
In this case, I agree for the most part with Destin. The real question to ask yourself is what is your intent. If you simply are doing it to do something nice for someone who would otherwise not have the opportunity, and you are certain that you have no expectations arising from the act of doing this nice thing then absolutely go for it. What you have to watch out for is what Destin alluded to... the 'rent a friend' thing that unfortunately happens to many of those who have financial means, where you buy expensive things for people in the mistaken belief that this will make them be friends with you. It won't. It will make them spend time with you as long as you spend money on them, and what you find -- and Destin has alluded to in past postings -- is that magically, people stop spending time with you or being your friend when you stop spending money. And that just makes you feel like shit. Likewise, if you give something with the expectation that someone will like you because of it, then your intentions aren't genuine, and it's essentially manipulative. That isn't good either. So... if you've thought it through, and your intentions are clear, then absolutely go for it. Nothing wrong with doing something nice, with no expectation of anything in return.
I agree with both @Chip and @Destin. I've been in the unfortunate situation they've described before, where I spent a lot of money on friends who were my friends only because they could enjoy car-rides and food at expensive restaurants. They're not bad people, but they did take advantage of my need for friends and I was too naïve to understand what was happening till it was too late.
Gift giving is one of my love language, especially with friends (though of course also with crush/partners) so I have been in the situation you have many times. Sometimes with people I crush on, often not. It doesn't really influence my choice to do something like this. Usually I feel like there is always some selfish motive behind gift giving, I mean I love to please others but ultimately I also do it because that's something I want to share with that person. I have booked a similar event for a friend last year, knowing she really wanted to go and couldn't afford to, I did it because I wanted to go too and it wouldn't be half as fun without her so her being able to go benefited us both. I have bought a cruise to the carribean for her birthday, again, I do it because I really want her to experience it but I also want her to experience it with me. When I buy events/trips I do it for the bonding experience, to share something fun and make meaningful memories with my friends, I don't expect them to reciprocate because I don't need them to, I already also get something out of it (their presence and the ability to share that specific thing with them).
You just said you're very good friends, so the most important thing here is that it's a gesture of friendship. Another way to look at it is, how much do we normally spend on a night out with friends? On a typical night out, I'll spend a hundred odd quid on public transport, dinner, drinks for myself, drinks for my friends, and an expensive cab ride home. I might even have spent stupid money on an outfit before hand that I'm only gonna wear once. It all adds up. This is not a typical night out, it's a one off event that doesn't occur often. Like Linning said, it's much better to do these things with someone to share the experience. I've gone to lots of gigs on my own and stayed at a hotel on my own and it was incredibly depressing. So look at this as a rare experience for yourself as well as a treat for your friend.
