Is he really Bi and does he love me?

Hi Oraluxjack!

I can truly relate to you.

I think you might have an depression going on, I had suffered from depression in the past and the symptoms you have are very similar: Always being tired, Can't fall asleep, often waken from your sleep, Always overthinking, Won't eat much, .... .

First of all, I think you should take very good care of your own health (mentally & physically), there is nothing more important than your health. Try to keep yourself calm, try not to think too much (or don't worry too much about him). Try to eat a whole meal and get some decent sleep. (and try to repeat this everyday)

Second, have you ever asked him why he was asking you all these question? If he was straight and being gay or bisexual are not acceptable in your country. Then why is he taking so much risk talking about these subjects? Do you trust him (If the answer is yes, Do you think he would betray you? would he be trying to figure out your sexuality?

I think you shouldn't be worried about this (the more you're into this, the easier it is for him to notice what your sexuality is.) and let him make the first move...

Goodluck friend. (*hug*)

 

Safety first. We are here to support your decision. Wishing you the vest, stay safe out there (*hug*)

 

I wouldn't recommend doing anything like that. First of all, you need to respect his right to personal space and not being subject to harassment. Second, what if he gets wildly upset about it? How would you feel then if he didn't buy your explanation that you were asleep?

 

Obviously it's your call but what would his reaction exactly tell you? Just because he tolerates your leg touching him hardly proves anything.

 

So how did that go?

I can completely understand why you are being cautious. You need to be in your circumstances. I read it as he's either (1) interested, and having lived somewhere more open is prepared to pursue you, carefully, or (2) suspicious and trying to lure you into an admission so that he can persecute or blackmail you.

Regarding your job, is it in any field where it could be of use to people to compromise you some way, in order to blackmail you later? Be very careful not to be lured into saying or doing something in public/on camera/where you can be recorded/writing anything down.

I think you're just going to have to go slowly on this - and use your instincts. Continue with the talks, gently sound each other out on LGBT issues. Maybe do some background research on him - social media etc. to see if he has any involvement in risky groups, or LGBT groups, perhaps in the country he was living before.

Suggest a movie night and suggest a list of 3 films - 2 neutral ones and 1 like The Imitation Game. It is such a mainstream film that it would be unlikely to out you. Say your friends from x country told you it was really interesting and mention an interest in cryptography if you have to! If he picks the Imitation Game, then that's a hint, then watch it together... If he doesn't want to watch it this time, ask if you should keep the two films you've not seen on the list for future movie nights, or come back with a different selection next time.

As for mental health - glad to hear you're improving. It's worth dealing with these things as someone else said. Also in a relationship (especially one with external pressures like living in 'Russia'), mental health problems do put a lot of strain on a relationship. However, it may be tricky to find a counsellor you can trust with your secret.

 

Well The Imitation Game is not about a gay person exactly, it's about the Enigma Codebreaking effort during WWII, and Alan Turing the father of computing... who happened to be gay, and whose life was destroyed because bigots discovered he was gay.

It's not like Brokeback Mountain, "two guys who fall in love" being the main thrust of that one.

 

Yeah, the Imitation game is a WWII movie. Turing's sexuality is very much a side story.

 

Can you talk about sex more generally and see how he responds?

 

What do you mean? That you jerk off in the same room but each touching only themselves or you touching each others? There is tad difference in degree of intimacy and gayness between the two.

Why not? Next time he asks about your masturbation habits tell him about some new technique that is so great. Then you could "jokingly" offer to show him. See how he responds and proceed or abort accordingly.

I'm sorry to say this but wanking together is really quite gay no matter how you put it. You can try to come up with some excuse though. "I just want to learn from the expert" or something.

 

If you don't mind me asking, what kinds of things are you talking about regarding sex? Past experiences with women? Something else? I'm wondering if there's some way you can subtly mention something about guys to see how he reacts, without making it too obvious.

 

Considering that he is bringing up this stuff on his own it might be just easiest to wait until he brings sex and masturbation up again and then lead the conversation into that direction. To be honest he really start sounding more and more gay the more you tell about him.

 

Okay, that sounds promising! Though of course you should still proceed with precaution - I think this guy is gay/bi, but it's possible to read situations wrong.

Can you tell him you're feeling horny? Just casually, like "Damn, I've been so horny lately, it's driving me crazy!" Maybe he'll suggest doing something about it...