hey everyone I'm new here, My name is Tyler I really need an opinion on my one friend who I am really in love with. It's kinda a long but I would really appreciate if you gave it a read. thanks so much. sooo, my friend who I became friends this year is pretty attractive and lots of girls like him. yet he is NEVER interested in any of them and has never had a girlfriend. He only comments on guys...like how hot some guys are. He knows I am gay and is very comfortable with it. When I bring up other guys who i kinda like he suddenly becomes VERY interested. He hangs mostly with girls (its obvious he's more comfortable with them), but he has some guy friends too. He also isn't that feminine. I first started suspecting he was gay when we had this connection in 10th grade where we would play "eye-tag" with eachother. (you know.. I look at him and then quickly look away and then he does the same.) at the end of the year dance this year... he said I looked cute. He once mentioned that he thought black guys were hot. And he'll tease me when he finds out about guys i use to like, by randomly bringing up their names. When girls who like him text him, trying to talk to him, he text me saying something like "ewww so and so texted me again"...and he'll text this to ME (his gay friend)..yet, He'll never complain about a girl if he knows she just likes him as a friend. when girls touch him or try to hug him he pulls away and it's obvious he doesn't like it. sometimes he finds excuses to touch me. He always tries to make me laugh. The thing is, he doesnt open up to people that easily, yet he opened up to me and I was able to become friends with him. He supports gay marriage and everything. And when I'm with him there is this tension. Like I feel like it's sexual tension. there is definitely something there.I feel like he's comfortable with me because he's secretly gay too and I'm not some straight guy who will talk about girls and stuff like that. sooo, my friend asked him for me, in a very casual way if he liked boys. She said he got nervous and wasn't expecting it. he said, "what? im not gay. not everyone is gay christine". my friend christine who is Bi said she was SURE that he wasn't telling the truth and was kinda nervous about it. But what i really want to know is.... COULD HE JUST NOT BE READY TO COME OUT AND OWN IT?? (even though he has kinda come out indirectly?) LIKE IS IT DIFFERENT WHEN YOUR PUT ON THE SPOT AND JUST ASKED STRAIGHT OUT???... he put a picture of me as his screen saver on his phone for gods sake and said he loves having pictures of me in his phone. i mean c'mon, what kind of straight acts like that with a gay guy. I know he isn't feminine, but then again there is a lot of gay guys who don't fit the stereotype, that come out and shock everyone.
Welcome to EC! From what you are saying it sounds like he is only ready to be "out" with you and no one else just yet. My immediate reaction is that you should give him his space and not tell anyone else about what you suspect about him. If he is truly gay and is trusting you then don't go ahead and spread rumors if he isn't ready for that just yet. In the end, just be his friend and allow him to come out when and if he wants to. If it really bothers you that much that he hasn't told you directly then ask him yourself. Its really that simple.
I think your thread title provides the best answer : ) Whether he's gay or not (and he might not be!), he's clearly comfortable about his sexuality when he's around you. But for now, it's probably a good idea to leave him to his own devices.
my immediate thoughts after reading just the title: this is a very dangerous question. i know it's not always possible to avoid thinking those thoughts, but really try. i came out on the wrong end of this exact question about 2 months ago and it's probably the single most painful thing i've ever felt. i really hope you're right about your friend (i've read your post now), but all the clues in the world could be wrong. i'm sorry to be a downer and you probably wont listen to me (i wouldn't have and didn't listen), but it's better to let yourself down slowly because the term "broken heart" just isn't strong enough.
I agree, he may not be ready to come out to everyone yet. That is if he is gay. Give him some time to figure things out.
I would say virtually no question he's light in the loafers. But... he's likely still struggling with it and not ready to come out, perhaps not even to you. Patience is required. The only thing you can do is try and drop little hints... "You know, if there was something you were uncomfortable about, I'd be ok with anything you could tell me"... or "Hey, you know i'm your friend and nothing you could tell me would ever change that, right?"... something like that. It seems like he is relatively close to telling you, but it still might be some time... and even if he owns it, he will probably not be comfortable coming out to others right away so if you're thinking about a relationship with him (if he happens to be attracted to you) then you need to also consider what it could be like being with someone closeted. That can work, but it takes a lot of patience. But... in the meantime, just be the best friend you can be. He needs unconditional support, and no pressure
I've also been on the bad end of this as well. Had a friend that dropped a lot of hints to me as well, and when I finally approached him about it, things didn't end so well. Let's just say that the friendship is dead. On the other hand, I didn't get as many hints as you're getting, but I agree with Chip: It's best to be patient.
i agree with the other commentators; be patient, let him come out on his own time, and continue to be is friend. who knows, maybe you're friendship will grow into something more...
