Is sexual and emotional attraction the same thing? I have heard something called cross orientation where you are emotionally attached to one but sexually attracted to another. I feel like emotional attraction can cause sexual as well as sexual can cause emotional. What even is the emotional aspect? Is that chemistry and lovey dovey feelings or something more? I understand human emotions are complex so seperating the two seems plausible. But it just makes things also potentially more complicated than it needs to be. Anyways, just curious because I think it is described a lot as two different things but I think this really confuses me when it comes to questioning my own sexuality.
This is difficult to research. Behavioral experiments show that if you put strangers is increasingly intimate situations (physical closeness, touching, kissing, sex) they quickly develop positive feelings towards each other to the point of falling in love. Such researches however were conducted on young healthy individuals paired up with a partner of preferred sex. Also I do not know how well does this "artificially inducted" love translate into later stages of relationship. The other way round you need to distinguish emotional attachment (like for one's family or friends) from romantic attachment ("platonic love"). I don't know if such thing exists or is it a result of culturally enforced denial. I think that men more often report sexual drive without romantic attachment, and women more often talk about emotional or romantic attachment without sex drive. The worth of such declarations is debatable. Personally I don't feel much emotional attachment to same-sex not to mention romantic feelings so to me separating those is reasonable. But this might be cultural imprint.
Honestly, it confuses me, too. Like in the case of asexuals, I can see this being true--not having any sexual attraction to someone, but still having strong feelings of wanting to be with them in a partner capacity. I think in terms of people who experience strong sexual attraction, mostly the emotional side is attached, but I also think it's on an individual basis. Some people have no problem hooking up with someone they have no emotional attachment to, and others can't hook up without first establishing it (which, to me, seems more status quo). I dunno. It's such an interesting yet confusing topic. So many people shut down the possibility of them being able to be separate, but I'm not really sure what to think.
I remember looking into it when I was questioning aswell, and there seems to be a division online - some people agree it's a thing and others adamantly disagree. Strictly speaking about my experience, my self acceptance came at different rates. I was mentally okay with my sexual thoughts and attraction, but not romantic. So there was a brief period of time where I was okay with my sexual attraction, but confused romantically. The romantic/sexual division was just denial for me, but I don't know enough about it to comment on anybody else's situation.
As with so many things I believe that this is probably at least a little different for everyone and in some cases radically different. I have known people who say they are lithosexual and that is diametrically opposed to me. I can be emotionally and romantically attracted or connected to someone and there be no sexual component at all. My relationship with my husband was that way. On the other hand I need to be emotionally connected to someone in order to be willing at all to be sexual with them. I do not know how much of it is innate in me or if some of it is how I was raised or even if it is related to my traumas though. I have in the past tried casual sex and I regret it, for me while there is physical pleasure it is not worth the emotional toll on me. So I guess they are interconnected in a way but certainly not intertwined since I can have one without the other.
Yeah I’m in the situation where I recognise where my sexual attraction is directed. Although, romantically, I’ve never been interested in forming a relationship with that particular sex. The few partners (men) who I have dated has been mostly emotional and romantic but sexual was something I’d only want after a while.
