1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is dysphoria supposed to be intermittent?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Maniacal Magpie, Jun 16, 2014.

  1. Maniacal Magpie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2014
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    While I think this is just my gender fluidity screwing with me, yesterday I experienced such distaste for my male body that I was just floored with depression. Was practically mashing my crotch and trying to tuck it in to see and feel how it would be without it. Yet my dysphoria is never consistent, it seems to pick fights with what I have at random, sometimes it just (rarely) is in agreement with everything. I still am questioning whether I am genderfluid and that I have a male side to me or whether that I am somehow potentially still deconstructing the idea that I was male for the last almost 25 years. Sure, I do guy things like video games but I highly doubt that makes me male. How does dysphoria work for you?
     
  2. Nychthemeron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2014
    Messages:
    3,084
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Tennessee, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    What you described sounds almost exactly like my dysphoria except for the fact I have breasts, so I constantly lay on a flat surface, on my stomach, and try to "flatten" the feeling. I also try to press down on my chests, and occasionally, I try to bind with bras. Never works. Ever. I always get disappointed.

    I couldn't move. It was almost physically impossible. Every little move seemed too taxing, and a simple action like shifting seemed too tiring to do. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't talk, I just laid there and wished my body would magically change into what I wanted it to be.

    Never works, by the way. I wake up with my chest the same way. It sucks.
     
  3. Maniacal Magpie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2014
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Huh, you see the thing that has me worried is the moments when things feel right. For example I have the opposite problem on my chest for the most part. I feel like I am adjusting for a weight and volume that isn't there. Yet there are moments where the feeling subsides or outright disappears like my brain has realized that I don't have boobs. That worries me because if I transition I don't want to end up unhappy. If all I do is flip around the moments from where everything is correct or incorrect then I still am not going to be 100% satisfied. Even scarier is the fear that my primary gender might be subject to change after transition.
     
  4. oncetherewasa

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2014
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    That's sort of similar to my dysphoria. I also have breasts and I can say without a doubt that I want to have them removed or at the very least made smaller. I've pretty much programmed myself to ignore them as much as I can so that I have a neutral opinion on them but every now and then dysphoria flares up and I literally can't stand the fact they're there. I did think for awhile that I was possibly gender fluid but, when thinking deeper into it, have realized that I've never wanted a female body or anything that comes with it. Every time I "got over it" or felt neutral or alright with my body I was just dealing with dysphoria by forgetting about it. When I turn my attention to other things or just bury the feelings it allows me to live a little easier. But that's just me
     
  5. birdking

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2014
    Messages:
    316
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    alaska
    when I am happy or with friends or otherwise distracted, I don't feel dysphoria as much. It's like depression in that sometimes you feel okay or apathetic when you're able to just ignore it, but on bad days little things can really drag you down and you can't motivate yourself and whatnot

    like sometimes I'll pass a reflective surface and be like "yeah okay." but then sometimes I'll pass a reflective surface and die a little inside. Really depends on the day haha

    also this is pretty specific to female-bodied folks but I think it's also cyclical IF YOU GET MY DRIFT
     
  6. oncetherewasa

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2014
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Exactly.
    And yeahhh, "cyclical" dysphoria is the worst. Like 3-4 days of "let me just sleep as much as i can and try to forget i'm alive".
     
  7. Nychthemeron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2014
    Messages:
    3,084
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Tennessee, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Not really familiar with "cyclical" dysphoria. Never even heard of it, actually. My dysphoria just hits extremely hard one day and then it's gone the other. Nothing has triggered it yet, or I haven't found the trigger, at least. But it's getting so frustrating. Once, I was eating out with friends and it just attacked me. No one was even talking to me or looking at me. I just suddenly began to get self-conscious. It's very strange.
     
  8. ginger cthulhu

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2014
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iowa
    it hits me on and off. i'll have days, even weeks, where i'll be really upset that i was born female ... trying everything i can to change the way i look and feel. then, out of nowhere, i will be "okay" with my birth-body. not okay, i guess, so much as willing to deal with the genitals i was given. it's frustrating.
     
  9. birdking

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2014
    Messages:
    316
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    alaska
    well yeah I'm sure it's not a thing for everyone. I know that for me at least when ~shark week~ is coming up I have tons of dysphoria and just generally feel negative. So for me at least, it's linked.
     
  10. transnerd

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2014
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I personally have suffered from depression and anxiety all my life--not to mention a heart condition I didn't know I had until last year, but recent events sort of revealed that I am struggling with gender dysphoria. I didn't even know what it was until now. Some days, I'm relatively ok with myself--at least enough to get by. Hanging with friends, doing things with my fam, all that stuff takes the focus off my internal processes.

    But, when I get time to sit and think and get in my head too much, I sometimes get hit again with that weird angst over my looks and I'm reminded of how it just doesn't feel right in this body, etc. It's almost like sometimes I'm sort of male, sometimes sort of female, sometimes just in between. Because, seriously, who defined what gender should or shouldn't be anyway? Or are we just comparing ourselves to gender stereotypes?

    So, Maniacal Magpie, I wouldn't worry about trying to guage stuff based on the stereotypes. I've known so many straight gender binary women that are twice as manly as me (who love shooting guns, gaming, and picking fights)... And just as many straight guys that are very very very into everything girly...

    If there's anything I'm learning is that being yourself is a weird long process, and you can dislike your hardware (so to speak), but you still have to find yourself and love yourself. My dysphoria is probably more cyclical, and I guess I'm just trying to be positive today. :slight_smile:
     
  11. Maniacal Magpie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2014
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Right now I have the problem of having NO problems with my male body to the point it is difficult to imagine being uncomfortable with it despite the fact I know I am not male and I know for a fact that I will at some point has dysphoria against it later on. It's driving me batty!
     
  12. Dell

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2014
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Murfreesboro, TN
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My dysphoria hits me really hard when ever I look into a mirror, which I do really often because i'm extremely self conscious :'( I just get extremely depressed every time I see how masculine I am. Like in my face or just body in general.
     
  13. PlantSoul

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2014
    Messages:
    1,296
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Venus
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've found that it is better for me to occupy myself on other things to prevent me from dwelling too long on the subject of my gender. Otherwise, I end up getting very depressed.
     
  14. BradThePug

    Community Facilitator Admin Team Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2011
    Messages:
    6,428
    Likes Received:
    232
    Location:
    Northeast Ohio
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I usually just have times when it hits harder for some reason. When it is not hitting harder, I can still feel it, but it's more of an annoyance. When it hits harder, it usually makes me want to do nothing and I just lay around all day. Or, if I have to go into work, I seem really down.

    Dysphoria is something that is different for every person though.
     
  15. transnerd

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2014
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
  16. oncetherewasa

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2014
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Well I relate to 7 of those 8. I'm seriously considering transitioning at this point...