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Is attending a radical faeries gathering the last stage of coming out?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Confused54, Feb 8, 2018.

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  1. Confused54

    Confused54
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    I came out in August, 2016 and finalized my divorce nearly a year ago. I connected with a wonderful man in April last year and we've been sharing our lives and household since September. He came out about the time I did and finalized his divorce soon after mine.

    We are both so much more at peace with ourselves after accepting that we're gay. There's no more hiding, and while we don't advertise our new status we don't avoid talking about it, either. For the most part our friends and family have been wonderfully supportive (my BF's father is the exception, but we think he'll eventually come around).

    Next weekend we're going to a gathering of the radical faeries, a group that explicitly encourages people to celebrate their uniqueness and their being gay as a very positive thing. Is this the last stage of coming out for us? In some ways we think it is. We're not quite sure what to expect, but we've committed to this being a year of experimentation and pushing our boundaries.

    This coming out business has been a heck of a journey. At first, it was uncomfortable and hard. But as time has passed it gets easier and more comfortable. Where I once wanted to bottle it all back up and slam the closet door now I'm happy and queer. My handle here may still be "confused54" but I'm definitely not confused any longer.
     
    #1 Confused54, Feb 8, 2018
  2. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    Hey Confused (no longer!)

    I salute your courage to try new things, push boundaries and try new things!

    As to your question; I don't think there is any such thing as a last stage, especially when it comes to coming out...that seems to go on forever, with every new person you meet, and every new situation you find yourself in. It just gets easier each time, and answers to the inevitable questions are fairly predictable.

    In some places, you will find acceptance, in others, maybe not, but living as who you are meant to be is enough all on it own!
     
    #2 greatwhale, Feb 8, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2018
  3. I'm gay

    I'm gay
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    I agree with greatwhale. It seems we never really stop "coming out" if you consider that telling someone that you are gay will continue to happen throughout your life. Sometimes it's as simple as correcting someone when they assume the gender of your significant other while buying flowers.

    You and I came out at the same time, and it's so great to see your progress. Keep it up!
     
    #3 I'm gay, Feb 8, 2018
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    I concur that I don’t think there is a last stage. Coming out is lifelong in different ways.

    As far as the Faeries... I certainly don’t think participation is required for one to have ‘completed’ coming out, nor do I think it is everyone’s cup of tea. I do think that stretching one’s boundaries (whether one is gay, straight, or whatever) in safe and healthy ways is a good thing, and that there are many ways to do this, of which participation with the Faeries is one.
     
    #4 Chip, Feb 8, 2018
  5. Confused54

    Confused54
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    Chip, I didn't mean to imply that it's required to attend a faeries gathering to complete the coming out process. It was more of a thought that going to a largish gathering of gay men, celebrating their gayness and being different from heteronormative society, is another (and possibly final) stage in fully accepting myself as gay/queer/faggot/different.

    Greatwhale and I'm gay, I agree with you that I'm likely to always be coming out to new people I meet in various walks of life, so in that sense coming out never ends. I brought it up with one client today (because it felt appropriate at the time), but not another (because I sensed a strong conservative religious component to their family). I don't want to push "gay" on anyone. But maybe I'll have a different idea of that after a weekend with the radical faeries. Time will tell.

    Regardless, this forum has been very helpful to me over the last 18 months. It's no longer scary to tell someone I'm gay. And that's a very GOOD THING.
     
    #5 Confused54, Feb 8, 2018
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  6. smurf

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    As much as coming out is a long life process, I do think there is a moment where it stops becoming such an arduous thing to do. Right now I will come out to anyone and everyone I meet, in the sense that if a stranger asks me about my weekend then I will tell them what I did with my husband. I barely think about it anymore unless I feel like I'm in an unsafe area.

    Go you! Radical Faeries are in fact way out there and I enjoy their presence immensely. I'm sure you have made your reaseach, but you will definitely have your comfort zones stretched.

    My first experience with Radical Fairies was in San Francisco Pride at the Faerie Freedom Village. It was definitely a culture shock, but it was such a great space for people. I hope you enjoy yourself!
     
    #6 smurf, Feb 9, 2018
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