These last few days everything's been weird. Weird as in, I've been having trouble distinguishing what is reality, I guess. Like none of this seems real. It's off, somehow. A part of me wonders that if I just do it, will I wait up in some endless loop? What awaits me beyond the other side? I keep having these "episodes" I guess? Where I can't move my body and my eyes are focused on one place. But I scream at myself so hard to move, to stop just sitting there. And it doesn't work until some external force snaps me out of it. But even after that I feel like a spectator. Even now, it's my hands writing this. I feel like I'm thinking yet it seems there's no thoughts. Does that even make sense? I want so badly to know. I want so badly to stop being yelled at and I just want to be me. And like, I believe in reincarnation. If I do it, what if I end up in a "normal" body? Things'll be so much better. So much easier. Also I'm scared of nighttime I think. There was this shadow in my hotel room and its' hands were reaching out of the vents. And that whole trip really didn't even feel real. I can't remember most of it. Do you know what that feeling is when you look back on something very recent and you can still see yourself in your body but you have to come to grips with the fact that the "present" is ever-changing? It's driving me insane. The only "good" thing about all this is that sometimes when my eyes go kinda fuzzy, my hand leaves a little trail behind as I wave it I don't know what causes that but it's cool. But other than that I think things are getting worse and something might happen. -thank you for listening to me ramble-
Hi, you seem to be talking about suicide here. Suicide is not the entry to some better reality, it's the end of the only reality you know for sure exists. I think you're a teenager? All I can say is that the mind of a teenager is very different from the mind of an adult, and later in life you'll look back on your thinking patterns and think them very exaggerated and melodramatic. So please, don't even consider suicide as an option. Looking at a few of your other posts, it sounds like your parents are not fully accepting of you. When you leave home, you can get a distance between your parents and you that'll cause you to feel less stifled, and their opinion of you will matter less. Please focus on your education so that you can become financially independent and not have to live at home. A lot of this post also seems to be describing disassociation. Have you spoken to any medical professionals about the symptoms you're experiencing, or tried any therapy or medication?
Hey, you're probably under a lot of stress, so disassociation, what means being disconnected from the reality is one way the mind copes with too much stress, but also it can be caused by a mental health issue or be an medication side effect. You talked about medication in some of your posts. I've experienced these symptoms myself and I've found therapy to be very helpful, so definitely talk about it to an adult or therapist. I'm always available too, when you wish to talk. My PM's are always open. Hugs.
There is no shame in reaching out for help, please do it for your own sake, and for those who are close to you that love you very much. It might seem like they don't at times, but maybe they are not completely aware of what you are struggling with. Also please listen to the good advice you've been given here by Colm and Rayland. I'm not very equipped to give advice on these topics. but I can give you a virtual hug. *hugs*
Hey, i’m sorry you’re struggling. As said above it sounds like you are experiencing dissociation, I experience this myself frequently when I am stressed. My psychologist told me it’s the brains way of protecting us from stressful/painful situations. Therapy and certain medications can be very helpful with this. In the interim I would recommend looking up grounding techniques, my psychologist gave me some handouts with these techniques on and they help bring me back whenever I feel like this. I think it would be a good idea to reach out to somebody because you’re a great person from what I can tell when we speak and you don’t deserve to suffer. Sending hugs x EDIT: if you find a technique that works for you, maybe print it off to keep with you for if you need it!
Hey I'm so sorry you're feeling so depressed and in pain. I'm glad you reached out to EC and hope you'll keep talking. I don't know your background but I've also been feeling depressed lately so your post title caught my attention, but for a different reason. I've heard of parallel universes, time is an illusion, time travel, The Matrix and other ideas that I thought your post title was about, but it wasn't. Sometimes I find it's interesting to think about and also what we see in the universe, like with those amazing pics from the latest space telescope. How are there more galaxies than stars that we can see from our microscopic planet? In each of those are so many stars, moons and planets like in the Milky Way. We're all made from bits of super ancient, multiple exploded stars, that can do all this interesting stuff. Isn't it crazy to think that everything you see was once in a star that had its whole life, making new elements, exploded, got mixed into another star, made heavier elements, exploded, a supernova, quasar, black holes, I dunno somehow we're here chatting with each other? Thinking about that stuff doesn't always help me feel better but it is today and I hope it or something does for you too. I hope you can get whatever help you need and with people who care about you like we do.
Everyone above has offered great insight and awesome recommendations. I pray you’re hearing them. My recommendations are not different so I won’t go through them. Please seek professional help. Whatever it takes. Be good to yourself and learnt o love yourself rather than what’s existing. It can change. I’ve seen it happen to hundreds of people. We have all been face to face with the parts of ourself want to change, the parts we hate and disapprove of. It is our responsibility to love ourself before others will find their way into our heart. We all want to be there and we want you to be there too. Join us!
