Inconsistent sexual and emotional preferences

Hello. I'm 22, you can call me Taurus, and I will tell you my story.

The first things I'm gonna set is what this topic is not about. This is not about insecurity, fear of coming out, nor being confused about some artificial labeling of my orientation. I'm fine with the idea of being gay, perhaps I'm not totally satisfied with the idea of having to adapt to it, but that's not my concern as it is a problem below of what I'm currently dealing with.

Let's start with the basics. I'm a pornographic addict. To put things in perspective. The first porn I viewed was at age 9, I think my brother left it on purpose on the desktop with a file name "normal", I even still remember the approximate content. Fast forward. Somewhere around the age of 11, I was already hooked on Rape fantasy pornography (I never had any actual drive for rape, don't worry, I've never hurt anyone). Throughout my youth I went through all kinds of tastes, not much I haven't seen. There was time I even thought I am a pedophile. Anyway, I was very consistent with the pornography usage and masturbation. My youth passed without having much sexual experience, I didn't even understand that there is something wrong with me. I still don't know what it really is to feel normal, I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal, nor real, or is it just another artificial construct of the mind to keep the addiction satisfied. This is just an introduction, also not the main problem for me as I have already gotten used to this and currently somewhat successfully dealing with it. A weird thing I can note is that I never exclusively watched pure Gay porn, only porn including Transgender people. It's just not very arousing and interesting. Still isn't, just checked again. Weird, but I don't think it's very relevant as interest in porn is currently overall decreasing and the interest of actually doing something myself raising.

Since I started to fight with my addiction I hoped for more clarity about my orientation and a positive change in my sexual drive, motivation to go out and to form relationships, to socialize and so on. And these are going to be my conclusions about the situation of me. I will note that I have spent a significant amount of time and effort, to determine if what I am feeling is objectively accurate, not influenced by some bad mood, or some false psychological constructs to comfort myself.

I've never noticed men as I've noticed females, ever. I still genuinely don't. I still feel the spark, that chemistry when socializing with females or simply making eye contact, heart beating out of excitement, that interest of what she is going to say, how her hair swings, how she smiles, the color of eyes etc. etc. I have a full emotional package towards females, except a purely physical attraction that produces arousal.

That's where men currently come into play. I've got distinct fantasies of having sexual experiences with men, and so far I've had some experience, but absolutely no emotional interest towards men. Being a fucking bag isn't exactly emotional in my view.

The diminishing of my addiction might change the situation with time, as it has been a huge influence on my sexual preferences. If it changes, then it can only change to be better. The worst case scenario if it doesn't, or the current situation solidifies. And that is what bothers me.

How am I supposed to live my life if I cannot create fully functional relationships with neither of the genders? With either gender there is a missing element. I've started to beat my addiction with one principle, live for today. And this is what I am now, presently.