1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

In a relationship and confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by WackyPlum, Sep 17, 2020.

  1. WackyPlum

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2020
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi. Im 19, a female and have always thought as myself as straight. Been dating ma boyfie almost 2 years.
    So I’m new to the forum and I just need some advice.
    I’m currently in a straight relationship with my boyfriend and recently I had a moment where I suddenly thought “what if I’m gay/bi” and I freaked out.
    This comes from the fact that I’m aroused by female bodies more than mens more recently (but not in the past). However, I always enjoyed kissing and everything with my boyfriend and before I dated him I had sexual fantasies of him and guys before which I never had that with females. Anyways, I never had crushes, thought about sex or even fantasised dating women . I’m scared that all of a sudden I’m gay now and I have to break up but it just doesn’t add up to me that I have a sudden sexual orientation change. Like i look back and I think... hmm it doesn’t add up too much. I know sexuality isn’t 100% gay or straight but I’ve never been interested in dating girls and I’m not about to try either since I’m in a relationship and I wouldn’t want a long term relationship with a girl. I always imaged marrying a guy and dating guys as well.
    Soo I’m scared about telling my boyfriend about these worries. It’s eating me up and I’ve cried every day about it since I questioned it. It’s interrupting my study life and it’s making me depressed. We had plans coming up and I was excited for them and it just sucks. I feel like I’m blaming myself for not feeling a certain way.
    I always am honest with him, so feeling like I’m hiding something really chews me up inside. I don’t want to say I’m questioning because then it will seem unclear. I just want to know if I should say something or just think about it further.
     
  2. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    323
    Likes Received:
    126
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    First to address the last thing, since you are really uncertain about how you feel and what you want it might be best to not talk about it with him yet.

    I do not believe that people have sudden orientation changes (barring other extreme circumstance like a heavy blow to the head with a total personality change or a condition like Dissociative Identity Disorder where someone has separate individuals within themselves). You say that you have historically been attracted to males and still do not want to be in a relationship with a woman, to me this does not add up to "lesbian" so I doubt that you are gay even if you now realize that you find women attractive. You should probably just spend some time on your own thinking about who you find attractive and who you might want to be in a relationship with. You are young and have plenty of time to figure this out.

    Eventually you might want to try dating a few other people and really see what you like in a person. 19 is really early for a solid commitment.

    Oh and welcome to EC
     
    #2 QuietPeace, Sep 17, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2020
  3. WackyPlum

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2020
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    T
    Thankyou for your input. I have been feeling sexual attraction to womens bodies for a few years now but only really celebrities and stuff. I don’t know if that changes anything? It’s just hard because you think you love and want to be with someone but your body is attracted to something completely different. Thanks again.
     
  4. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    323
    Likes Received:
    126
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    When you are with someone your feelings do not always remain at the same exact strength. There is an ebb and flow to everything. Maybe it is just that right now your feelings for your boyfriend are a bit reduced and that is allowing you to start realizing the feelings for other people including women. Too many people only want to pursue that early passionate "butterfly in the stomach" feeling. That is something that comes about due to certain chemicals in the brain and it will not last.
     
    ChristelSa likes this.
  5. Zelos1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2019
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I can relate to your situation, as it seems almost identical to my own except the small difference that im a man and that i actually confirmed that im bi a little while ago.
    But like you im in a healthy relationship for 4 years, but we've had some breaks and during out last break i decided to find this out once and for all and slept with a man. And i loved it! The problem now is im back together with my girlfriend but still have urges and fantasies about sleeping with men, but i dont wanna cheat!

    My advice (coming from someone who really doesnt know what he's talking about) is dont cheat or break up with your boyfriend if you really love him and want him in your life, it will only lead to more insecurities and regret. On the other hand if you really want to explore this and its more important to find out than to be with him go for it. All im saying is think it through! If you're bi and nobody knows, thats your personal secret and you shouldnt feel ashamed or feel that you're hiding anything from him, this is your life and if you want to keep it hidden that is your choice and nobody elses business! Not even your boyfriend
     
  6. WackyPlum

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2020
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    T
    thanks I’m glad to know that I’m not alone! I don’t think I’d ever cheat but I appreciate the advice. I feel better about it after while, I think I gotta reevaluate things in my relationship a bit more.