In a complicated emotional situation...advice needed.

I'm in a very complicated situation that I never would have thought I'd end up in, but here I am. I guess it's mostly my emotions and myself, more so that a "situation". This is long. If you want to skip it all, here's the summary: I met a guy, we talked for a bit but didn't work out. We both ended up moving on, ending those relationships, and reconnected. I'm still not over my ex and have feelings for him, but he doesn't reciprocate and I need advice on what to do.

Basically, last year I went through a pretty tough break up. About a month after, I met a man. He was amazing, he was charming, he said all the right things and I fell for him really hard, really fast. We talked for around 2 months then finally went on a date. It was amazing. There was so much passion, so much fire...for me any ways. I don't think he felt as much as I did. The next day, he tells me his ex girlfriend is pregnant with his baby. I was shocked, and immediately broke it off. He had broken my trust, because this "ex" was initially "just a friend" according to him. Then when I pressed him, he said that they had broken up 4 months ago. I needed to press him even more before it finally came out that he had slept with her just a week before he met me. It was shocking to me that he had kept all this from me, especially considering that there was a possibility she was pregnant, he knew of this possibility, and he still took me out on a date without warning me ahead of time.

But I really really liked him. The girl ended up getting an abortion, and he was given orders to Korea. I wanted to be with him really bad. We talked several times, but ended up deciding it was for the best to part ways because I wanted more from a relationship (in terms of prioritization, communication, etc.) than he was willing to give, and because the trust was broken, and it'd be really hard to rebuild when he was going to Korea in a few months.

I lost feelings for him, and he for me, and we both moved on. We were not on speaking terms at this point, we had lost touch. I met someone else, and so did he.

I dated this new man for 8 months. It was very serious, and I loved him with all my heart. He and I were talking about moving closer together (we were about an hour apart), about our life after school, about getting married one day. I think he fell out of love with me eventually. We fought a lot, and I think in he just stopped caring but stayed because (in his word, when he dumped me) "he was trying to be nice". For me, I'll stay in a relationship even when it's miserable because I believe any relationship can work with enough mutual effort. But I think he just stopped loving me so it wasn't worth it to put in the effort anymore. We wanted all the same things when we initially got together, but by the end he was saying "love isn't the most important thing in life" and "God will always be number one", when he knew that for me love was the most important thing and my significant other would always be number one. He even agreed with me before we got together, or we never would have ended up in a relationship. Long story short, religion was more important to him and we wanted different things, so when he walked away the last time, I let him. I didn't fight for him, even though I had fought for him time and time again when he repeatedly left me, because he told me he'd be happier without me.

I miss him a lot still. I love him and the only reason I've let him be is because he's made it very clear that his life has improved a lot since I've been gone and that he's very happy without me. I feel like I met the man that I was meant to be with, and it was ripped away from me. It took us so long to build to happiness, and within a few months of unhappiness, he changed his mind about everything he wanted from a relationship, he changed his mind about me, he fell out of love, and instead of trying to rebuild, decided he'd be happier without me at all. I know I'm not perfect and I definitely played a role in the relationship ending, but it still hurts on a daily basis that he gave up on us.

A while after that break up, the military man and I reconnected, just as friends. I needed someone to talk to to keep me distracted from my break up, so I wouldn't go running back to my ex. He was dating someone else at the time, and I respected that relationship. I would never try to break up a relationship, and I didn't have feelings for him in the first place. So we started talking again, and after a bit we started talking even more.

He told me that he had changed his mind, earlier. That he was willing to give me all that I wanted from a relationship, but I had already cut contact to try to move on and he had no way to tell me. And that by the time he had an opportunity, I was already dating someone else so he just decided to move on. He would say things like "did you ever think you were special" and call me beautiful. I told him time and time again that he was being incredibly inappropriate. That it was not okay for him to talk to me in that way because he had a girlfriend. I maintained firm boundaries and called him out every time he crossed the line, and never crossed that line myself.

But I started to gain feelings for him again, despite it all. Despite knowing that he had already broken my trust in the past, despite knowing that he does not respect boundaries in a relationship.

Eventually I told him I needed to cut ties with him again. I didn't tell him why, because to my knowledge he was still with his girlfriend. But I needed to be away from him so I could move on. It came out that he and his girlfriend had broken up earlier that day, and he guessed that I had feelings for him. He said he was starting to gain feelings for me too, but that he still loved his girlfriend and that he hoped they could work it out in the future. They broke up because of circumstances (his girlfriend didn't have enough time for a relationship), not because of irreconcilable values, like my ex and I.

So now there's another issue: he was emotionally cheating on his girlfriend. Yet another reason I could never trust him or be with him. He doesn't tell me things he should be (like about his ex possibly being pregnant), he doesn't respect boundaries in a relationship, he's an emotional cheater.

I cut ties for probably a month. I'm now at a point where we're talking but I still have a lot of feelings for him. He doesn't treat me like he used to. He doesn't talk to me as much, he doesn't make me feel special. He just treats me like you'd treat any other friend. Last time we talked about romantic emotions (like a month ago), he said that he doesn't know if he could ever feel what he used to for me, but he's still in love with his ex and wants to see if they can work it out. And I respect that. I don't want to ruin his relationship.

So now I'm in this situation where I haven't really moved past my ex fully, and he could never feel the same for me ever. I have feelings for this guy who doesn't feel the same, but says he potentially could. Obviously the healthy thing to do would be to say screw both of them and just move on with my life, but it's hard. I've been letting go of my ex a little more every day, but I'm struggling with this friend. My heart keeps telling me that if I just stay his friend then maybe he'll feel the same for me one day, but my brain keeps telling me that's unhealthy and stupid and he's just going to get with his ex or another girl anyways, and that I'm going to be left heartbroken regardless. I just want to tell him that I want him, and tell him that I want to try to build to what we used to have, but I don't want to ruin our friendship since he clearly doesn't feel the same and I don't want to get between him and his ex if they're still trying to work things out. I can't let go. I've been trying for months now and it's like no matter how much I logically know it wouldn't work, I can't seem to convince my heart of that.

Does anyone have any advice?

Tl;dr : Met man, fell head over heels. Didn't work out due to lack of trust and LDR / different relationship values. Moved on, fell in love, broke up due to different relationship/life values. Reconciled with first guy, gained feelings for him, and he started to gain feelings for me. He and his girl broke up, but he's still in love with her and wants to work things out, and I'm stuck being a friend and hiding my feelings and trying to move on. Feels like I can't.