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I'm very uncomfortable with sexting

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by lottaotter, Mar 23, 2022.

  1. lottaotter

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    I was just having a normal text conversation with a guy I've seen a few times and he turns it into sexting. We were talking about his grandmother being seriously ill for God's sake!

    How do you stop someone from trying to engage in sexting with you? I'm getting sick and tired of my boundaries being overstepped. I know it's not normal to dislike it or be as uncomfy as I am but he knows I have a history of sexual abuse and I think just because I managed to 'pull it off' with sexting before he must think I'll always be down for it.

    I don't like to be this kind of person but I feel extremely uncomfy right now. Even though I logically know I'm safe, my body feels anything but.
     
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  2. ScottG

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    Honestly- except for an occasional flirt- sexting is boring! I don't bother engaging when it starts.
     
  3. TinyWerewolf

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    Did you tell him that you don't like that specific behavior? If you did and he's still overstepping your boundaries that's a major red flag.

    Get away from him if this is the case. If he's willing to step over that particular boundary, who's to say he won't step over more?
     
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  4. PatrickUK

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    I don't think there is anything unreasonable in what you say. Some people really need to learn about appropriate boundaries in conversation with others. They also need to learn about the embarrassment it can cause, not only to the recipient, but to their personal reputation and career if they overshare information online or in text conversations. You can never be 100% certain that it will not be leaked out. Many careers have been ruined because people have overstepped the mark in their online activity and I know of more than one person who has been turned down for a job after a prospective employer searched them out on social media. Prospective employers tend to take a dim view of staff who expose their arse or dick on Twitter!

    It is a fact that many gay men are incorrigible flirts who can't resist a double entendre, but that's not quite the same as sexting. A bit of friendly and humourous chatter is not the same as sex talk and the line doesn't need to be crossed and shouldn't be crossed. Hold firm with your boundaries and make no apology for asserting yourself when they are crossed... and don't put it all onto your past either. Even if there was no history of abuse, it's still not appropriate to send sexually suggestive messages to an acquaintance.
     
    #4 PatrickUK, Mar 24, 2022
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2022
  5. lottaotter

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    Thanks everyone for your replies. The thing is I've never made specifically clear that I often don't like it, so it is my own fault really (although I can't say I'd just assume someone was into it...).

    I invited the guy round to my house to watch a film, mostly just to change the topic from the overly-sexual messages. Over the last few days I realised how uncomfortable this was making me- the thought of having to clean the house, make food, buy drinks, put off other items on my to-do list, the chance of awkward encounters with housemates etc. But most of all I'm not in the right headspace to have sex (or anything more than cuddling to be honest) right now, and the pressure I would have put on myself to perform was already getting too much.

    I decided to try to use it as an opportunity to practice asserting my boundaries and have just messaged him to ask if we could postpone it till another week. I admitted it was a dickish thing to do with such late notice too, and I wasn't completely open with the truth, but we will see how he responds. I can't see him being angry, just disappointed (he kept saying how horny he was, ugh:frowning2: ) and I hate disappointing people.