I've been going through these notions that I am indeed a trans girl and that I really want to accept myself and start taking steps forward, to transition, to being less angry at myself and ashamed and to being honest and open with the people I love about what I feel. In a way I come to terms with it. But then the fear creeps in and I start doubting it, I doubt if what I feel is real and will stay there, I doubt that it's the right decision to accept it, I fear how much harder life would be if I went that route and that maybe I'm not trans enough. I fear that people would walk away from me, like my girlfriend of over 4 years did recently and I get lank scared of being wrong. When I'm with this one friend of mine, she builds me up, gets the fear out of me and helps me feel more sure, and when that happens I sort of know who I am. It's when I'm alone and left to worry that it gets me. I'm scared of being transgender, but I really believe I am. How does one get over the fear and uncertainty?
No one really gets over their fears they just get better at hiding it, and the fact that your doubting your self means your making the right decision because our brains don't want us to do something we will regret so we think about it a lot some more than others some less but its just a precaution our brain takes to make sure we are doing the right thing, This was my opinion I hope you figure out what your going through -Waffless
HI Daw0lf, I can relate to the uncertainty and going back-and-forth between identities. I've been questioning myself for a while as well, going from "yes, I am certainly transgender" to "well...maybe I'm just transmasculine or masculine-of-center". I'm not sure how you would get over the fears and uncertainty, but I think just presenting the way you feel most comfortable (in your case, as female), you may just get used to hearing she/her and your chosen name over time, and it'll just come naturally. I think the one way to really get over your fears is to just try and face them. Even if you are semi-questioning, try presenting as female (if you aren't already), and see how it goes. Just be safe about it. Your friend is awesome by the way. I think if you truly believe you're transgender, you probably are. Honestly, I believe it just takes time to get used to a new set of pronouns and a different name. You've heard your given name/pronouns your whole life, and you're used to it. It may take some time to get used to your new name/pronouns as well. When you're alone, does the uncertainty come from anywhere? Are you afraid of losing people; or people falling out of your life? Are you nervous about transitioning?
Hi Hawk, I have recently decided to start slowly introducing more and more feminine clothing, make up and such to my appearance at home and will likely do so socially at my friend's as well like I have been around the very positive friend but at work for instance I cannot yet. Luckily my natural hair is past the middle of my back so a little bit of it goes everywhere. My friend and her boyfriend and their social circle calls me Katelyn and by female pronouns. I tend to still refer to myself by my given name and pronouns but that's definitly habit. Being referred to as a girl has been in a way comforting. When I'm alone I get to thinking of the logistics if I can call it that. I used to be very much against all things different because of how I was raised, and my mind still very much goes to places like its wrong and being transgender is probably a choice and can be avoided and its just going to be a struggle with losing people, risking my career, being ridiculed, maybe I'm just a failure as a man and that's why I'm doing this, that sort of thing. After a day of over thinking it I would normally let it go and then I'll come back to thinking of me being transgender and fine with it a day or so later, realising how silly that line of thinking can be. And toxic. Since I'm It doing anything wrong. There are times in which I Don't particularly feel very feminine and then it gets me worried that I might be wrong. But as my friend says, even cis girls don't feel glamorous all the time. I suppose it's just a matter of, what if I'm wrong? What if this feeling can be fought off or it turns out to be one hell of a long phase or I've just got some psychological trauma that can be treated. What if I'm too quick to be fine with it and persue it. But I want to persue it. I don't want to worry all the time. I should be a woman, and I think I deserve to be happy with myself too. Katelyn
Hi Katelyn, honestly, there's no time limit when you have to have everything figured out. I think most people have the same doubts as you (myself included), but I think the question is "what will make you the most comfortable?" The doubts are awful, I know, and it's especially hard when you think about the other things in your life (family, work, etc). Again, there's no time limit when you have to transition by or have everything figured out. I think you have a great support system with your friend and her boyfriend. How accepting are people in your area when it comes to LGBT issues? I had/have this same thought, honestly. I brought this up with a counsellor previously, and they said the same thing I said earlier, "there's no time limit to have everything figured out." If you need more time, take it. You can always socially transition and reverse anything if need be, also. Your friend's right. Not every girl/woman feels feminine or glamorous all the time, and I think it's harder for trans people to be accepted as their gender if they're not 100% feminine or masculine. You do deserve to be happy and comfortable with yourself, and if you think pursuing transition, medically, socially, or legally, would make you happy, it might be something worth considering.
Hi Hawk, Were I one suburb over, I'd have managed a bit better I think as people there are more diverse however in totality this area and my career and all that is rather Conservative and non accepting. Not every person is bad or cares luckily, but I might be asking for the attention of the few bad if I do go out full fem. You're right about the time limit,its a process after all, I'm just impatient. And then there's the question of bathrooms. Do psychiatrists eventually give you like a letter to say that you're not just a pervert? I think it could help me be more positive and that would in the long run make me happier. I'm hoping. While I can't figure out why it's important, I very much feel that it is for me. Thank you for the wisdom. Katelyn PS, how would I go about asking for an account name change?
I've never heard of psychiatrists or therapists give letters like that, but they may be able to write one if you ask. I've just never heard of it. Public washrooms can be scary, and you never know how a person may read you. When you go out, do most people read you as female? That might be an indicator as well. You can always start small by going to a place that isn't quite as busy, and see how you feel. I hope your transition is smooth, and worry-free. You can change your username in "Account Settings". You can find it by hovering over your username on the top right corner of the page, and selecting "Personal Details". From there, on the left-hand menu, you should see "Settings", and directly under that you should find "User Name Change". Just make sure your username's unique to EC.
Yikes, I was hoping there was like a letter or something you get so you can go change your gender marker on like your ID and drivers etc, so you can refer to that. How does one get prescribed hormones though? Isn't that from the therapist? That being said, I guess it means very little if you don't look the part. If you get misread as your assigned sex, you'll have a problem regardless. And since I'm generally on a motorcycle, I might not look very fem at this point either. You're right then, a test will be needed. I'm sure my friend will happily join me. And she's got a car so I can try to doll up a bit more Thank you for directing me with the username change. That helped. I couldn't find it on my own at all. Katelyn
My apologies, I should have been more clear. I believe you may need a letter to go on hormones, or they may make the appointment with an endocrinologist for you, but I never heard of getting a letter to use a bathroom, that’s usually your call. Your therapist should be able to walk you through the process of HRT and/or any kind of surgeries you may desire if you chose to go that route. You may have to follow up with a few things, but your therapist should guide you through things. As for legal transition, every place is different and you may have to look into what the laws are in your area regarding name and gender marker change. This is from the pointofpride.org website that may be helpful: You may be able to find more specific ones for where you live, this one looks like it's more directed at the US, but it may have similar resources. No worries, hope all goes well with your transition.
