1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I'm 'too' feminine to be a Lesbian?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by foxaquatica, Nov 3, 2016.

  1. foxaquatica

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2016
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Somerset
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So first ever post, though't i'd share a story from earlier today, It's a story that is one of the reasons I joined this site. :smilewave

    According to a colleague of mine, I'm too feminine to be gay. :bang:

    I'll start at the beginning, today was like any other day in my retail job, I did my work and joked around with my co-workers, about lunchtime I decided to take a break, when i entered the break room two of my male colleagues seemed to be in a heated discussion, for ease purposes I'm going to be calling them M and K (not their initials at all, just placeholders).

    M was muttering to K about lesbians and how are so easy to spot because they all look like dudes, immediately I wanted to high-tail out of there because obviously, that wasn't true. I know plenty of girls with short hair and a tomboy wardrobe who are as straight as you'll ever get, and being an extremely feminine closeted gay myself, I just didn't want to hear it. So i headed over to my bag to grab my money out, I didn't need to buy food as I had packed lunch but I just wanted an excuse to leave, but just as I opened my bag, M pointed to me and said:

    'Take foxaquatica for example, long hair, makeup, occasional dresses, you can tell she's straight'

    my entire body tensed as I waited for K's reply, K is a rather close colleague of mine and someone I share a lot with, now he doesn't know about my sexuality but I'm sure he had his suspicions because he also seemed to stop when M said this.

    I just made a half laughing/wheezing noise and said 'Right, sure, gotta go buy lunch' and turned around a whizzed out of there. I don't think I was subtle at all, but I had to leave before my body or brain betrayed me and either cried or told him he was wrong.

    It made me feel terrible, like I wasn't allowed to be gay because I love my long hair and occasionally wear fun flowing dressed and makeup, I suddenly felt the most invalidated I ever had when it came to my sexuality, I spent the rest of lunch outside sat around the corner of the store on the concrete.

    Have any other girls heard this before? How did it make you feel?
     
  2. KSatt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2016
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Female
    Wow. That's pretty ignorant of your coworker. Unfortunately, some people believe that all stereotypes are accurate and fit everyone in a particular group. There are LOTS of lesbians who are femme. I'm not sure exactly how I could classify how I look, probably mostly feminine but a little tomboy. People don't generally look at me and automatically think I'm gay. That's the thing about making assumptions-we're often wrong about them. What matters is that you feel comfortable in your own skin. I'm sorry you had this experience that made you feel uncomfortable. It sucks.
     
  3. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    410
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That comment is bullshit. Lesbians come in every shade of gender expression.
     
  4. Linkmaste

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    330
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Ontario
    Honey, I can completly relate to you. I like makeup (sephora whore here), I do wear dresses and I have medium hair but that'd always up because of work.

    Is it worth to you bringing it up at work? If so then go kick some ass. But like me I don't hang with any of my workers afterwards (I'm a supervisor anyway would be weird). So I don't bother correcting them. I'm not their teacher.

    But if this does bug you go to a supervisor or manager and just bring it up. If they're good they will ask those guys to knock it off without tipping off you said anything.

    But honestly? You're not alone and not all lesbians have short hair and dress like guys. Completly false.
     
  5. BookWriter1994

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2014
    Messages:
    644
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    It Doesn't Snow Here :P
    Gender:
    Female
    I haven't experienced this yet but how RUDE! there is no dress code on being gay! I have long curly hair, I do dress up sometimes but I like to wear jeans and a simple t-shirt! On my good days, I like to wear makeup (Drug-store makeup whore lol) If it is safe for you to come out at work then tell them that not every lesbian has short hair or looks like a dude.
    (Plus, on the left is the real picture of me!)

    Sigh.
     
    #5 BookWriter1994, Nov 4, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2016
  6. Jolly Hermione

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Switzerland
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I love my long hair (well it's shoulder long, but still :wink: )

    If I had any make-up skills I would definitely wear it, but I hate the time it takes and taking it off in the evening.

    I love dresses and pink.

    It's not true that all lesbians look stereotypical like that. I also have a lot of friend who have really short hair, but are actually as straight as you can get...
    This for sure it bs! xD :slight_smile:



    By the way: I probably would have reacted just like you :icon_redf :lol:
     
  7. Siarad

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2013
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Physically - England, Mentally - Wales.
    I had the same problem but with lesbians when I came out. I went along to a lesbian group and was treated with suspicion and alienated because I presented as more 'feminine'. It out me off coming out for another five years and when I found support and friendship coming out the second time round it was from mostly gay men in another group I joined who didn't seem to assume that I couldn't be gay because of my looks.