1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I'm taking pics and even uploaded a video to a porn site..Normal?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Vanillaboy, Sep 25, 2019.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Vanillaboy

    Vanillaboy
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2019
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So ever since I came out to my friend 3 months ago, I've been very horny but also nervous about hooking up with guys. I've gone on hookup apps, looked around, talked to a couple of guys but couldn't do it because I feared for my health and my safety (hookups in general, not because of something that one of the guys did/said). Since then I've been all over the place, fetish porn, began using a dildo, posted dick pics and even a dildo pic on a message board, I've done mild fetish stuff like wearing panties. I posted more pics to that messageboard. of that (all of my pics are faceless and otherwise unidentifible). I even posted a short video of me bottoming this dildo on a major porn site (Its probably your first guess). Again all of this was anonymous

    Am I just exploring my sexuality or am I going a bit overboard and perhaps making some poor decisions?
     
    #1 Vanillaboy, Sep 25, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2019
  2. Nickw

    Nickw
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,335
    Likes Received:
    1,397
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It's up to you to decide if you are going overboard or not. But, this does seem like something that would not help build self esteem. This seems like a set up for someone else objectifying you. That doesn't seem like a good way to feel better about yourself.

    Have you worked on getting out and living some and meeting other gay men for non-hookup activities?
     
    #2 Nickw, Sep 25, 2019
    Chip likes this.
  3. Mirko

    Mirko
    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,884
    Likes Received:
    3,230
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! I think you are going overboard with posting a picture and a video. Some might disagree, but I feel posting pictures and a video of yourself on a porn site does not a lot to help you understand and explore your attractions. To figure things out, you don't even need to go on hookup apps or hook up with others that could leave you in a depressed state, or even fear for your security.

    Have you tried going on a date or meet other guys face to face and get to know them? As you are still exploring, and perhaps are trying to become comfortable with yourself, it would be advantageous to have a safe place or supportive people around you.
     
    #3 Mirko, Sep 25, 2019
  4. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,758
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So much depends on what your intent is. What feelings do you get after posting pics? Do you read comments? Track likes? Watch your own videos multiple times? Looking at what is the underlying motivation for posting the videos will help you to figure out whether that's something you want to continue to give energy to.

    I know people who post stuff to sites simply because they are genuinely comfortable with themselves. They don't really care whether they're watched or not, don't pay attention to comments or likes, they just kinda put it out there. And I know others who carefully watch every comment, view count, number of likes... and derive at least some of their worthiness from doing so.

    The latter isn't such a great idea because you're attaching your worthiness to what others think of you, and that means your own sense of worthiness isn't very good. And the latter is also the reason that probably 95% of people post those pics. So on the whole, for most people, it might not be the best.

    I agree that finding some social (non-sexual, non-hookup) activities you could participate in might be a good idea. Feeling oversexed as you first come out is pretty common, and acting out is as well. So it's not that there's anything unusual about it. In my book, the main thing is to be mindful about it.
     
    #4 Chip, Sep 25, 2019
  5. Vanillaboy

    Vanillaboy
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2019
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Its more pride actually, I'm proud of my dick and my dildo taking skills (its kinda big, I ordered the wrong one and decided to try). Sure I look at the comments and I'd be lying if the good ones didn't make me proud/happy but I know there are going to be some real rough ones too. I'm a big guy not everyone is turned on by us. I do watch my own videos but its more amazement that I am doing this and frankly to me, the dildo video is kinda impressive.

    I just put the video up today and I already have 5 people who have subscribed which means they want to see more.

    I'm more than just these pics and my videos. I'm smart (when I don't get too distracted from my ADD), I'm funny and I'm sure if I just was myself I could have a great relationship with a guy, I just have to get over my general anxiety of the matter and change my living arrangements (I'm back at home after losing a decent career job due to my ADD).
     
    #5 Vanillaboy, Sep 26, 2019
  6. Danabutton

    Danabutton
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2018
    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    76
    Location:
    Baltimore
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey Vanilla
    I can relate to a degree...when my divorce was finalized several years ago I can across a website (Freudian slip I guess) and began chatting with some people on line. I was really down on myself and lonely and the only responses I would get were from gay guys...
    I believe I had always had deeply repressed bisexual/gay feelings and this opened the floodgates...
    It was a medical fetish site and I made a few topless videos and was suddenly getting a lot of interested responses to chat and I was reeled in...
    To make a long story short I started uploading topless pictures of myself (not above the shoulders and definitely never below my bellybutton...
    It became addicting and I started to hate myself but the attention I was getting was more then I had ever experienced and it was intoxicating until I started having nightmares and feelings of paranoia that I would be found out...
    I stopped the online activity and felt lonely again but I felt I could never go down that path again...
    That said I occasionally post on a dating site more so to get validation which I know is wrong...
    Long winded I know but thought this might give some perspective from someone who drifted down this path....
     
    #6 Danabutton, Oct 11, 2019
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)