Alright, I'm 16 and I am gay, arghh I just can't accept that I am actually gay. No one ever knows that I am attracted to boys. Everytime they would ask me if I was a gay because of my gestures I immediately deny it, I would deny it as much as I could and I feel so bad about it. I've been doing this for almost 10 years I feel like I'm stuck on a cage and no one can help me. I can't come out, and it is really impossible to come out. There is one time when my mom talk to me and ask me if I was gay I denied it. And after that she added that it was good to hear that I am not because she don't like me to be gay same situation with my dad. I am really frustrated with myself why I can't be normal I didn't choose to be like this, as if I have a choice. I really envy those straight people that can openly share their love life to their parents because they are normal. It is so unfair really really unfair why I couldn't feel that? Why I couldn't experience that. My classmates can openly share their crushes because they are normal while me I am keeping myself in control trying to manipulate my feelings because I know it wouldn't be possible. I guess I will be stuck with this forever. If only I could choose my sexual orientation I will never choose to be like this. I hate myself
I used to feel like you when I was your age. It sucks when you realize you’re not like the others, it sucks to realize your family does not accept you, and that there's not much you can do about it. It takes time and energy to process all this and to try and figure out how to live your life from now on. The one thing I'd like to say is... don't hate yourself over it. Don't beat yourself up over it. Despite feeling "not normal" and despite your parents' reaction. This is not your fault and you did nothing wrong. This is just the way things turned out. It doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean you will not have a good, long and meaningful life. It will be harder, yes. You will have to deal with things other people will not. But they will have their own issues and their own problems, some worse than yours. It doesn't mean giving up on having friends or family or children in the future, if that's what you want. When you grow older and build your own life, you will be able to live without apologizing for who you are. There's nothing wrong with you. You're right, you didn't choose this, and like you, I wouldn't have chosen this either - but this is what we got, and this is what we have to work with. Please don't take out your anger on yourself. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. You deserve it. It does get better. Hang in there.
