My best friend is a lesbian and so am I. I've known this girl since I was five years old, and she's one of the people in this world that I'm closest too, one of the first people I ever came out to. The past few months, it's like we don't even exist to each other. Well, recently, she's gotten a girlfriend. I saw them hanging out together, holding hands, and hugging. Great, good for them! They're a very cute couple, and I can't imagine being upset by the fact that she's got somebody now. But she never told me they were dating. That's what's wrong with this whole situation. This is a person I've known my whole life, and she didn't even think to tell me that she had a girlfriend. I only found out after they'd been dating for two frigging months, and that was only because I saw them together so much. It's not like she's in the closet and was worried that I would spill some fragile secret. She's out and proud, they're always together in the open. Why wouldn't she tell me? We see each other on a daily basis, so it's not like she didn't have about fifty opportunities to tell me. I feel like she's forgotten me and it stings more than a little. I don't know if I should confront her with this or let it alone. I hope I don't sound like I'm bitching about nothing here, but she's one of the few people in my life that I trust. Any advice?
You need to confront her about this. May it may not be ideal, but if you tell her how you feel. It will resolve issues for the future perhaps. Maybe there is a special reason that she didn't want to tell you. Maybe her Girlfriend is extremely closeted and didn't even want her girlfriends best friend to know. A lot of possibilities. Talk to her.
I do think you shoudl talk to her about it. Though I'm not necessarily a fan of pushing that into "confrontation" territory. Truth is: relationships are hard at first. No one really knows how they ought to behave. Not just towards the prospective partner. But also to friends, family, classmates... And sometimes that leads to truly strange stuff. I had been with my boyfriend for ages (as in: almost a year) before I told my friends. It wasn't so much that I distrusted them. They knew I was gay. It was years after I came out. They asked every time if there was anything new. They even commented on how I'd sometimes not be available and would only make the flimsiest of excuses. There really wasn't a single reason not to tell them! But I didn't. Because in the first few weeks, the whole relationship was still too new and I was figuring things out just for myself. And then, even when it became more comfortable, there was still the odds of it going wrong after all. How many relationships don't end after a couple of months? And after that, well, how do you tell your friends you had a boyfriend for half a year already? So I defaulted to "Eh, I'll tell them next time. There's aaaaaalways a next time!" If my sister-in-law (who was in the know), hadn't told them behind my back, it might have stayed a secret for a couple months more. And I'm forever thankful that they just glossed over that awkward part and went straight into being supportive. Let's not go into how I only told my mom after a few years, shall we? :eusa_doh: Was I a lying monster? I like to think not. It was just all so new and telling would be somewhat awkward and so I put it off. And the putting off became a pattern. So, I'd not blow this up into a full-blown fight. Don't go in there with all barrels blazing, shouting: "How could you lie to me? You FAILED as a friend! Why did I ever talk to you?" If you're looking for a fight, you will find one. Instead, try to break the armor. Just make it a single comment. "Hey, I saw you with your girlfriend yesterday! You looked really cute together!" And then... give her an opening to respond to that. And if she responds in the affirmative, then discussing how this awkwardness happened might be a friendly topic rather than a rift in the friendship.
I had a similar situation to this, my best friend who id been friends with since primary school (so about....8 years old) he got a girlfriend (which is funny because id actually met her before as she had been a friend of his for a while) the only problem was it wasnt till i went to his house to give him a birthday present that i was finally told, by that point they had already been dating for a good long while. except in this situation we drifted apart and he no longer had time for me. (i might have had a little bit of a crush on him) id say the best advice I can give is to make sure to maintain contact with her as often as you can, it seems when people get into a relationship they forget the world exists but eventually they will come back so keeping that contact will allow you to stay friends threw it
I think that you are totally justified in feeling hurt and confused. BUT Filip is right, I think. Understand that she may be in kind of a weird (and, yes, selfish) place right now that may honestly have nothing to do with you.
Thanks for the advice guys, I keep drifting in between feeling like I'm making too much of a deal out of this and being a bit angry. I'm pretty much over it by now. I think she kind of figured out that I was upset and made an effort to make it right. Luckily, confrontation was avoided. She actually seemed a little shocked when she realized that she'd never told me about her girlfriend, so I'm kinda thinking it was just an oversight. Anyway, you all made some great points so, thanks!
NOT confrontation, but you are absolutely entitled to say to her: " I'm kind of puzzled, okay maybe a bit hurt, that I found out about this later rather than your telling me at the time."
